Zuma
by planetblue
Summary: He may be dating my stepsister, but it doesn't stop me from wishing he were mine.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

The hot California sun kisses my bare legs as they hang out the window of Jacob's car, a beat up '67 Charger that he loves more than me, a fact we're both aware of. We're driving to Frosty Freeze, our daily trip for ice cream in a summer that feels like it's screeching towards its end even though it's just begun. I'm already late for work, but I don't care all that much, which is basically how I feel about most things.

I push the hair flying around my face out of the way, just in time to see _him_ in the parking lot at Zuma beach.

Edward Cullen.

His golden shoulders glisten with salty ocean water, his old denim cutoffs lay unbuttoned and hanging dangerously low around his hips. A white t-shirt sticks out of his back pocket, waiting to be put back on.

With his right hand he slings the yellow and blue surfboard easily under his arm, and with the left, he pulls Rosalie Hale's bikini clad body into his own.

I lick my lips and squeeze my thighs together, knowing that in just a few short hours, he'll be sitting across from me at dinner, eating whatever Renee makes from the helpful housewife advertisements she sees during The Carol Burnett Show.

He may be dating my step-sister, but it doesn't stop me from wishing he were mine.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"**If I can't have you, I don't want nobody baby, if I can't have you." **_– Yvonne Elliman, "If I Can't Have You", Hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in May, 1978_

The transistor radio on the shelf inside the Tasty Dog is blaring disco while the smell of hot dogs and hamburgers being cooked on the greasy grill permeate my tanned skin like a bad tattoo. No amount of scrubbing ever seems to get rid of it. Other girls smell like coconut oil and pina coladas, while I walk around smelling like I rolled around in french fries.

My Vans stick to the concrete floor as I people watch and lean on the Formica counter of the open-air food shack I'm working in for the summer. The seagulls squawk nearby while they try to get pieces of discarded buns from the garbage can next to the picnic tables, and I frown at the spread of garbage some jerks left behind for me to clean up.

The shack is in a perfect location, right on the beach where I can see all the action. Sunbathing, surfing, who's making out with who. I'm right in the middle of the summer fun, even if I'm on the wrong side of the stall.

Plus, it's right next to Cullen's Surf Shop.

I watched Edward go in with his board just a few minutes ago, and as I'm waiting for him to reappear, Alice interrupts me from my stalking.

"Have you and Jake, you know, done _it_ again?" she asks loudly, filling a cup with ice before dispensing Coke from the fountain.

"Alice, I'm not discussing that with you in public." I look at the woman at the counter who's pretending she didn't hear. Alice has issues with privacy and personal space. As in, she doesn't know what either of those things are.

"That means no." She grabs a straw and passes the drink to the freckled kid waiting with the woman.

"Whatever. At least I've done it. I don't see you running around losing your virginity." I watch as Alice straightens her green bikini top, which holds nothing since she's flat as a boy.

"You know I'm saving myself for Jasper."

"Alice, that's just—no. First of all, he's _Mr. Whitlock_ and second, he's our teacher."

"Uh uh, not this year. He doesn't teach senior history."

The cook slaps his spatula on the pass repeatedly to get our attention, so I grab the burgers and fries and bring them to the window, announcing to whomever they belong to that they're ready. Two girls I know from school claim them, and I walk back to my Edward Cullen watch post.

"He said he thought I was perfect." Alice chews on her thumbnail, which is a terrible habit since they're already bitten down to the quick. She's got more pink nail polish in her stomach than I think is allowable by the FDA.

I sigh. "Alice, he said he thought you looked like a perfect Scarlett O'Hara. That's not the same thing."

"It's what he meant." She looks like she's about to cry so I put my arm around my friend.

"Maybe so Alice, but you cannot date a teacher."

"You don't understand these things, Bella. There's a connection between an actor and her director."

I bite my tongue, not wanting to hurt Alice's feelings. She really was a perfect Scarlett O'Hara in the year-end play, but her obsession with Mr. Whitlock has been going on two years now and I'm starting to worry. What was a simple crush has turned into something you read about ending badly in the _National Enquirer_.

"Why don't you go out with Paul? He likes you! He's always hanging around here, trying to talk to you." As I say this, I look around to make sure her stalker isn't there right _now_.

"I bet he's here for you, Bella. Not me. You have boobs." She pouts and looks at her chest, and I know exactly what will make her feel better.

"I do have pretty good boobs." I agree. "Why don't you and Angela come over tonight and we'll all hang out? We haven't done that since school ended. We'll grab some smokes and I'll pinch some of Renee's vodka."

Alice's face lights up and she agrees, before moving off to wipe up some spilled ketchup.

The sun is getting lower in the sky, painting everything and everyone in a nice golden pink California glow. Families have left for home and just the diehard surfers and teenagers with nothing better to do remain. Frisbees are flying, beers are being consumed, and the lifeguards are pulling in their gear.

I see Edward walking towards the shack, the sun setting behind him makes his coppery hair flame, and my pulse quickens. I do a mental inventory of my outfit–white shorts, blue t-shirt–and wish I had the guts to dress like Rosalie. Or like the girls over at the Burrito Box across the beach access road. The epitome of the California girl the Beach Boys made famous, Lauren and Jessica hold court amongst teenage boys and some not-so-teenage men. Blonde and tan and stacked, Alice and I have renamed it the Bimbo Box.

I'm standing at the open window next to the cash register pushing my self-proclaimed pretty good boobs out, waiting for him to approach and order. Our eyes meet as he walks closer and he quickly looks away, turning to the window Alice occupies. My heart sinks, but I'm not surprised. He never talks to me. I find it rude that he doesn't talk to the step-sister of his girlfriend. He probably sees me as just a kid, and Lord knows what Rosalie says about me. We get along for the most part, but she loves the fact that she's older. We're both only children, so she sometimes feels the need to treat me like the toddler sibling she never had.

I try to look busy as Alice waits on him. She's unaware of my crush so that saves me the embarrassment of her trying to "help" by saying or doing something mortifying, which she would absolutely do.

Out of the corner of my eye I watch as he leans back against the counter, looking out towards the surf, waiting on his food. Since he's not looking in my direction I take the chance and lust after him fully.

How someone can look like the embodiment of an erotic movie is beyond me, but that's what he is. He's all sex and confidence and aloofness. I see a hint of a hickie on his neck and picture Rosalie's fat lips sucking on the bit of skin I want to lick. She doesn't appreciate him. I heard her on the phone the other night with someone else after he left using her stupid baby voice and giggling like a pull-string doll.

His order is ready and I turn quickly before I'm caught, watching from behind the soft serve machine as he pulls some rumpled bills from his front pocket and hands them to Alice. He saunters away, not stopping to eat at a picnic table and I wonder if that's because of me, but that's giving me too much credit. He's probably already forgotten that I work here. Hell, he's probably already forgotten that I exist.

The cook tells Alice and me that was the last order, so we climb up on the counters to pull the metal gates down to close up the place for the night. As I'm pulling my side down, I keep my gaze on Edward through the gap, lowering myself while the outside view gets smaller and smaller, until my head hits the Formica and the metal hits the counter with a clang.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** When I was a kid, my mother considered The National Enquirer a credible news source and always shoved one in her cart at the store.

* * *

**Hey guys!**

**I'm so happy to be back with you all again!**

**This fic has been in the works for _seven years_. I started it, wrote three chapters, and then that man with the Manchu invaded my dreams and this was put on hold. I revisited it many, many times (sorry to my Carrie's for making them read it about ten times when I thought "now is the time!" even though it never was) before finally feeling like the time was right.**

**Thanks to The Lemonade Stand for sneaking this on Saturday, it's great that they still support us writers out here.**

**Big thanks goes to LayAtHomeMom this time around for double duty: she of course is always my fab pre-reader, but this time, she also made my banner! She is multi-talented!**

**Thanks also to Patrizia Adamo (MY PA!) for helping with the finicky sizing of the banner. She stepped in and helped out when Lay went on vacation and I had to figure out weird computer things.**

**And as always, last but certainly not least, my beta Carrie. She's amazing, she constantly cheers me on and encourages me, and works on my stuff when she's got kids and so much going on in her life. Like I said, she's read the first chaps of this thing multiple times until I was finally ready to continue it. Thank her for me finally getting it done. Love you, BB.**

**If there are any mistakes, they are all my fault as I never know when to leave things alone ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"**Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go, I wanna be sedated. Nothin' to do and nowhere to go-o-o, I wanna be sedated." **_– The Ramones, "I Wanna Be Sedated_**"**_ Released in January of 1978, it never charted but was number 145 on Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs of All Time list released in 2004. _

"Oh Edward! Hello, sweetheart!" I hear my stepmother's martini-soaked shriek from down the hall where she's opened the door upon the arrival of our almost nightly dinner guest. I watch as Rosalie jerks her head up from painting her toenails and curses loudly.

"Shit. I knew I should've been outside waiting." Rosalie fans her wet nails and blows on them, trying to quicken the dry time. "Bella, honey, fan these for me."

She hands me her Fleetwood Mac album and I start moving the cardboard back and forth in the air above her feet. She's twisted her upper body around to find her light-up mirror, which is lying on the thick pile of her pink carpet behind her.

I watch, fascinated, as Rosalie applies a thick coating of goopy lip-gloss to her perfect mouth, and makes a kissy fish-face at the mirror.

"Is that what you do with your mouth when you kiss Edward?" I laugh.

Rosalie rolls her eyes at me. "Shut up, Bella. Maybe someday you'll get the nerve to actually kiss a guy."

"I've kissed Jake plenty," I protest.

Among other things I don't mention because I'm not discussing my sex life with her.

"I mean a hot kiss. With tongue. Anyway, Edward's more interested in other things my mouth can do." She smirks at me and turns her eyes back to her mirror, fluffing her blonde hair and securing the sides with gold barrettes.

The thought of Edward getting head from Rosalie makes me want to vomit all over her Pepto rug. I follow her out of her room and down the sprawling hallway towards the front of the California ranch house my father and I moved into when Renee and Charlie married.

I glance at the walls as we pass; there are pictures of Rosalie on every inch. Ballet recitals, school pictures, amateur modeling stills. There's only one picture of me in the house, on the mantle. It's their wedding photo, and I'm in an orange scratchy bridesmaid dress with a scowl firmly in place while Rosalie looks perfect and models for the lens. It pretty much sums up the last two years of my life.

Once we reach the sunken living room, my heart stutters when I see Edward, wearing the same cutoffs as earlier but with the wrinkled back-pocket shirt on, sitting with Renee on the uncomfortable beige floor pillows that make a sorry replacement for a couch. She's got her martini in hand, wearing her stupid floral muumuu thing she thinks makes her look like a "swinger". Edward doesn't look too tortured yet, but he does stand immediately when Rosalie and I enter.

Rosalie sidles up to him and slips her hand into his back pocket, turning her cheek for him to kiss. He does what's expected and I wait for him to turn to me to say hello. He doesn't. I think Edward has said two words to me the entire two months they've been dating.

I leave the trio and head into the kitchen, trying to assess what might be on the menu for the evening. I wasn't kidding when I said Renee cooks what she sees on TV. I don't think she owns a recipe book. Most of her stuff ends up tasting the same, no matter what it is. I'm sure my blood pressure is abnormally high for a teenage girl from the amount of salt I put on everything to give it some taste.

As I'm getting the pitcher of Hawaiian Punch out of the fridge, my father comes in from the backyard, squeezing an empty can of beer, and kisses me on the head.

"How'd your day go, Bella?"

"The same. Jake, Tasty Dog, you know." I take three glasses out of the cupboard and make my way outside to the patio, Renee's preferred place to entertain. She and Charlie redid it last summer and it's like a gigolo's wet dream. Hot tub, check. Private lagoon in the pool, check. I try not to go in that area, as the "parties" they host are questionable and the grotto probably ripe for the clap.

As I'm pouring the punch, Rosalie and Edward make their way out, her hand still attached to his pants. Even though the thought of Rosalie pawing Edward makes me want to barf, I can't blame the girl. I'd stick my hand in his back pocket everyday if I could. Hell, I'd stick it in the front.

My father follows them out with two beers, offering one to Edward before he sits at the head of the table.

"What about me?" Rosalie asks. "I'm over eighteen."

"Women shouldn't drink beer, honey, we drink wine or mixed drinks. Like whiskey sours." Renee breezes onto the patio, kitten heel slippers click-clacking against the gray stone.

"Whatever. I prefer water anyway, I'm watching my figure." With that statement, I gag as I see Edward admiring her figure for her. I don't think he really has a choice, as Rosalie has pushed her tits forward and they're right there for all of us to see, spilling out of her tube top.

"Maybe you shouldn't have eaten that whole sleeve of Oreos earlier then," I chime in, sniffing the brown food on my fork. "Ow!" I rub the shin Rosalie just kicked.

"Now girls, we have a guest! Let's act like ladies, shall we?" Renee chastises, watching us try to eat her inexplicable dinner, sipping at her refilled drink. "Edward here would like to eat in peace, right Edward?"

As she says this, she lays her hand on his arm, stopping the movement of his fork. He smiles at Renee and I think he's actually relieved she stopped the utensil from getting near his mouth.

"Edward's not eating, he's pushing it around like the rest of us," I remark, and chance a look at Edward who has returned his attention to his plate, a look of doubt in his eyes. Honestly, I don't know why he subjects himself to this if he doesn't have to. Especially since he fills up on Tasty Dog before he gets here.

"Bella, be nice. Renee worked hard to cook this meal for you while you were out all day having fun," Charlie says as he wipes beer off his mustache.

"Fun? I was working!" I see my father raise his eyebrows at me. "Okay well after I hung out with Jake." I say this last part and glance at Edward again, hoping maybe he picked up that I have a guy that wants to date me. Or pretends to want to date me, at least.

"What is it that you do with Jake, before work every day, Bella?" Rosalie asks and I side eye her. She's trying to look all innocent, like she isn't trying to set me up somehow.

"Well, after I give him road head, he's kind enough to buy me ice cream and then-"

"Jesus, Bella, you spend entirely too much time watching that Home Box Office shit." Charlie huffs and puts his beer down, sloshing a bit onto the vinyl tablecloth. I think I see a bit of amusement in his eyes as he looks at me. It was just Charlie and I for a long time and we developed a weird kind of kinship. He thinks I'm funny.

I smirk, and shift my eyes to Edward, who is looking at the sky with a pinched look on his face. I think I see a hint of a smile, but that could just be a shadow. Or heartburn.

"First of all, Bella, you wouldn't know how to give road head, you have to actually touch a boy for that," Rosalie spits out.

"I guess you're the expert, huh? Isn't Edward's Jeep a bit too open for that activity?" I regret it the minute I say it, as now Edward looks pissed.

Renee has decided to ignore us completely and is sitting back in her chair watching the waterfall flow into the pool, sipping away. The palm fronds cast a shadow over the table and we all fall quiet, Rosalie giving me dirty looks and me meeting her gaze with a smile.

None of us are pretending to eat Renee's casserole or whatever it is anymore. We're sitting in silence, the only sounds are Edward chewing on a roll and Charlie tapping his can on the table.

"So Edward. How's Carlisle these days?" Charlie asks, shifting in his seat trying to make this whole dinner less stupid.

"He's good. Just got back from Australia. He was judging a competition there. Said the waves were bitchin'." Edward grins at Charlie and they start talking about surfing and I know they could go on for days.

I'm daydreaming, losing myself in a fantasy where Edward has to rescue me in the water on his long surfboard, but unfortunately loses his trunks along the way when I hear my name.

"Huh?"

"I was just telling Edward that you're working next to his father's store this summer." Charlie repeats for me.

"I think he knows that." I look over at Edward who is still focused on Charlie.

"Oh. Well I was thinking maybe he could keep an eye on you, while he's in the shop."

I am beyond mortified. I can feel the heat of my skin as it rises from my chest to my face, making me as red as Rosalie's newly painted whore toes.

"What? Why? I'm seventeen years old, I don't need looking after."

"I know what goes on at that beach. I used to hang out there when I was a kid. Drugs, drinking…"

"Road head-" I can't help it.

"Enough with the road head. No one is giving anyone road head." Charlie gets up and I stick my tongue out at Rosalie who is rolling her eyes at me.

Renee sighs and gets up from the table, taking her casserole with her to dump down the disposal. We waste more food than Josephine, the resident anorexic at school.

"Um, you know I could get drugs and booze anywhere, right?" I point out to Charlie as he stands. "It's not just a beach accessory. All I have to do is come out here after one of your soirees and pick up the leftovers."

"Well, I'm the dad here and I don't think it would hurt for Edward to keep an eye on things. You're a good girl, Bella. Let's keep it that way."

"I see your point. It's too late for Rosalie." I nod towards her and Charlie smirks while trying to pat Rosalie on the head as he leaves, but she ducks away yelping about her hair.

"Come on, Edward, I think we're done here. Let's go to Mac's. I need something to eat." Rosalie gets up and I cringe as her chair makes a teeth-grinding shriek against the stone. She pulls Edward by his arm and he follows wordlessly.

I think any talk of me being babysat by Edward has been forgotten with my amusing comments, but as they walk past me, the only one remaining at the table, Edward pauses at my side and I look up at him.

He's looking at Rosalie's ass but says to me, "I guess I'll see you around, Swansong."

I think my jaw drops and hits the table before my tongue rolls out across the patio.

* * *

Angela, Alice, and I are sitting on my blue rug, surrounding the ashtray I got on a trip to Mexico Charlie and I took right before he married Renee. It has images of people screwing on it; I think it's hilarious. My Bee Gees album is playing loud enough on my record player to give us privacy.

"I love coming here," Angela says as she takes a drag and exhales, "both your parents smoke so when I get home and my folks ask why I smell like an ashtray, I just say I was hanging out with you."

"Nice. Well I only hang out with you because your brother Steve gets the best weed." Angela smirks at me and nods in agreement.

"I don't know how you two manage to joke about drugs all the time. Don't you worry about being caught?" Alice asks while waving her hand in front of her face.

"Who's getting caught? Besides, the cops at the beach look the other way," I answer, stubbing out my butt. "Alice, you're too nervous about everything."

Alice's shoulders slump and I feel bad, so I apologize for what I said, even if it's true. There's no way she's not getting 'biggest worrier' in the senior yearbook, plus 'most sensitive'.

Angela takes a sip of her cranberry and vodka and makes a face. "I really hate cranberry."

"I know, but we have tons of it. Renee wants Rosalie and I to have healthy bladders and be yeast infection free."

"Ew." Alice scrunches up her nose and smells her drink, taking a sip and examining the contents carefully.

"So speaking of my brother, Steve told me that his dealer isn't just pushing weed anymore," Angela comments.

I look at her. "He's not selling weed anymore?" Panic starts to set in.

"No, that's not _all_ he's selling. He's moving into the harder stuff," she says under her breath. I don't know if she's trying to be quiet for my parent's sake or for Alice's.

"Like what?" I've heard of other stuff, mushrooms, acid, of course, but I've never done anything but smoke a little.

"Cocaine," she says, nodding her head seriously.

"What is that?" Alice asks, looking up from the latest copy of _Seventeen_ magazine.

"Um, nothing." Angela looks to me to come up with something.

I widen my eyes at her and stutter, "It's like a plant." I look to Alice, and then to Angela who is trying to hide a smirk.

"Oh, I kill every plant I ever get." Alice flips the page and takes a tiny sip of her drink.

"Have you tried it?" I ask Ang, pretty sure Alice isn't paying attention again, too concerned about the fascinating article on periods.

"Hell no! Pot is enough for me, thank you very much." Putting out her cigarette, she gets up to change albums. She flips through my stack and settling on The Ramones, rejoins us on the floor.

I contemplate the cocaine thing for a bit. I've never seen it in person, but I'm not stupid. I read. I watch cable. I wonder if Edward is into any recreational drug use. I know Rosalie smokes too, but I don't know if she does anything else.

I bring up what happened at dinner and Alice's eyes go wide. "He's going to watch you? Like a dog?"

"Charlie just asked him to keep an eye on me which was completely embarrassing." I shake my head at the memory.

"Eh, I wouldn't worry, his head is too far up Rosalie's fat ass to see anything." Alice takes a sip and Angela and I look at each other in shock before we burst out laughing.

"Damn, Alice brings the catty."

"What? You two think I crawled out from under a rock or something." Alice sniffs.

"Alice, you did. Your family just left that commune two years ago." Angela is doubled over in laughter and I'm grinning, the vodka obviously taking effect.

"It wasn't a commune. It was a farm." Even Alice has to smirk at that.

"So, how's Professor Whitlock?" Angela asks suddenly and I widen my eyes at her and hit her shin with my foot. She gives me a 'what?' shrug and I just shake my head at her.

Alice's face lights up and she starts mooning. "Well, I haven't seen him yet since school let out, but he did say at the end-of-year cast party that he hoped I had a good summer and that he'd see me around."

"I wonder what he does all summer. Does he surf? Cause I wouldn't mind seeing that body in a pair of swim trunks."

I gape at Angela. "Not you, too!"

"What? He's smokin'. I love all that shaggy blond hair."

Alice is nodding in agreement but giving Angela the fish eye as well. "I saw him in shorts once. The cast picnic. We sat together and ate hot dogs."

"Well, he can eat my dog anytime." Angela laughs stupidly and I join in.

"That doesn't even make sense." My head is swirling from the alcohol and cigarettes, and I fall back on my carpet, looking up at the ceiling.

Our laughter trails out, each of us lost in thought. One song ends and I wait for the next to start, the scratching of the needle on the plastic soothing between the punk rock.

"I think I'm going to break up with Jake."

Angela exhales loudly and coughs a little, still giddy from her hot dog line. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. It's just…boring. We do the same thing every day and I know he has eyes for Leah." The third and newest member of the Bimbo Box.

"Why hasn't he ended it then, to be with her?" Alice asks.

"Don't know. Don't care really. Dating Jake is like drinking milk. Cold and bland."

"Damn Bella. You are harsh." Alice starts giggling and I think the half a glass of vodka is loosening her up.

"Yeah well, I'm not going to waste all summer with him if I don't have any feelings for him."

"But don't you want to have a boyfriend for the summer? Who's gonna double with me and Ben?" Angela sounds panicky.

"Get Paul to get the balls to ask Alice out and there you go."

"I don't want to date Paul," Alice replies.

"Fine Bella, be selfish. You know Ben and Jake are joined at the hip, and now I'm going to have to have a third wheel on every outing. I'll never get laid." Angela picks at her knee sock and pouts.

"Maybe he'll ask Leah out." I laugh, knowing how Angela will react.

"Great. I don't need crabs in my backseat, thank you very much." Angela gets up and slips her shoes on. "I gotta go. Dad's got some fundraiser tonight he's making us all attend."

"What is it this time?" I sit up.

"Eagle Scouts of America. Ironic, huh? The only scouting Steve has ever done was scouting for his next stash."

"I better go too. Walk me home, Ang?" Alice asks, getting up and holding onto my bed for stability.

"Yeah sure. So are we hitting up that party tomorrow?"

I try to remember what she's talking about. "The party at the beach? You sure it won't be weird? I mean, it's Steve and Rosalie's crowd."

"Yeah, so? Steve's my brother, I'm like a shoo-in. Come on, it'll be fun."

I roll my eyes. "Oh, I'm sure Rosalie would love to have me there." And then it hits me. Edward will be there. After a slight hesitation, I look to Angela. "I'm in."

"Cool. I'll come here first, maybe bring some booze. We can get ready together."

"Sure. What are you planning on wearing?" I look down at my shirt and shorts and start doing an inventory of my closet.

"Something that makes me look like I'm not about to be a high school senior." Angela turns to Alice. "Are you going to join us?"

"Uh, a party? I don't know. I have to check with my folks."

"You mean Moonbeam and Sunshine?" Angela laughs and Alice gives her a dirty look. "How'd you get such a normal name anyway?"

Alice answers, "Well that's my birth name. I was called Rainbow." And even she has to laugh at that.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** My childhood friend Claire totally used the excuse she'd been at my house when she would go home smelling like cigarettes after smoking at the pond.

* * *

**What a blast TFMU was in St. Louis this past weekend! Loved seeing familiar faces and making new friends! I miss you already! **

**Thanks to the best roomies, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Is she really going out with him?  
****Is she really gonna take him home tonight?  
****Is she really going out with him?  
**'**Cause if my eyes don't deceive me,  
****There's something going wrong around here" **_\- Joe Jackson, "Is She Really Going Out With Him", Hit #21 on the Billboard Hot 100 in September 1978_

* * *

On Saturday afternoon I break up with Jake in the parking lot of the Gas 'n Gulp, while drinking a huge Tab and chewing on a licorice whip.

He doesn't seem too surprised; he also doesn't seem too bothered. When I declare our relationship over, he just says 'yeah'.

We hang out for a while after that, making fun of the meatheads comparing muscle cars over at the car wash. It's nice that we can still hang out without it being uncomfortable. You never know when I'm going to need a ride, because I am car-less despite my constant pleading with Charlie.

After Jake drops me off, I lay around my room waiting for Angela, absentmindedly picking at the broken rattan pieces coming off of my white wicker headboard. I'm kind of sad I won't have a summer love, like Ang and Ben. They're like Captain and Tenille. So perfect together. I let myself daydream about being on a date with Edward, imagining what his rough hands would feel like holding mine in a dark theater, what his hair would feel like after coming out of the ocean and dripping salt water on me before swooping down to kiss me in front of everyone.

Finally, Angela arrives at the house, making sure to show up _after_ dinner. She greets Charlie and Renee and we go right to my room to start getting ready. I'm nervous about the party, attending a bonfire with a crowd of people older than me that I don't know, but I'm excited too.

I put my hair up earlier in Rosalie's huge curlers and am now sporting some serious Farrah waves. A ton of Aqua Net holds it all nicely in place. I think it looks good, and Ang agrees.

Sipping from the cans of beer she stole from her father's garage fridge, we laugh and pose in front of the mirror a little, doing the Charlie's Angels move from the opening credits.

"Too bad Alice isn't here, we need a Sabrina." Angela pouts at the mirror, holding her fingers into a gun shape.

"I knew there was no way she was coming. Her parents are hippies turned born again, uptight Christians." I shake my hair, making sure it's not going to move.

"I think they're overcompensating for years of free love."

"Ew. Okay Ang, we look hot," I say to her reflection in the mirror, while she eyes mine up and down.

"Oh man, those shorts are tiny." I look down at my new purple satin shorts and smile in agreement.

"Yeah, and they match this top I stole out of Rosalie's room perfectly." I squish my boobs together in the tube top, pink starting at the top and graduating towards purple at the bottom. It's her newest one and she hasn't even worn it yet. She's going to murder me.

"Won't she notice?" Angela questions as she pulls the neckline of her white halter top down some more.

"She won't care," I lie. "I borrow her shit all the time."

"Uh, maybe her more conservative stuff. You've never gone out looking like this." Angela motions her hands towards me.

"I know! But we're seniors now. Time to let loose. Let's go wait for your brother outside before Renee and Charlie come in from the pool though, just in case."

We check the hallway and the coast is clear, so we scoot towards the door to the backyard and I scream goodbye out the opening, without revealing myself.

"Night honey, be home by midnight." I hear Charlie say, thankful he's not getting up.

"One," I yell.

"Midnight."

"Twelve-forty-five."

"Twelve-thirty," he acquiesces.

"Deal! Night, Renee!"

I hear what I think is a slurry goodbye and Angela and I hightail it out to her brother's Camaro idling at the curb.

"Hey Steve! Thanks for driving us tonight." I climb in the backseat. Angela pushes the front seat back in place and settles into the car.

"No problem, Bella." He glances back at me and I grin internally when I see his eyes bug out.

"Geez Bella, when did you grow up?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me and Angela hits him and tells him to start driving.

As we're coasting down PCH, windows down and music blaring, Steve tokes up and passes it to Ang, who then passes it to me. By the time we arrive at Zuma, I'm feeling good from the beer and the pot. I'm a little less nervous, except for the rabid butterflies messing with my stomach, in anticipation of being able to look at Edward all night.

The salty beach air surrounds me as we exit the car, the ocean waves making a continuous sound under the music and activity down by the water. Angela and I decide to walk in purposefully, acting like there's no reason for us not to be here, and I'm reassured when I see a couple of other kids from our grade hanging around. We follow along with Steve anyway, and I look up as we walk. The sky is kind of starry, but the smog from LA shields a lot of it. The sand is annoying to walk on in our Vans but we manage, and make a beeline for the keg near the bonfire where we pay our two bucks and fill up our cups.

Standing off to the side near the makeshift stereo, we dance a little and wiggle our asses, whispering to each other when someone checks us out. For a brief moment, I wonder if this is how Rosalie and the Bimbo Box girls feel all the time. I think I like it.

I glance around for Edward on the down low, not wanting to alert Angela that I have a mission. I don't see him right away and I wonder if maybe they decided not to come. They weren't at dinner tonight. Just as I'm about to get moody, Ang hits my elbow with hers and nods her head towards the parking lot. "Rosalie's here."

I try not to whip my head around too quickly and expose my excitement, so I casually mutter 'hmm' in return and flip my hair, turning to look over my shoulder without looking too anxious.

I don't see him at first, I just see Rosalie giggling with Lauren, aka BB one, and my stomach drops in disappointment. Just as I'm about to turn back to Ang, I catch a glimpse of his hair out of the corner of my eye. There is no sunlight left, but somehow there is light shining on him like a halo, catching the fire and heat that is Edward. I wonder if he carries a spotlight around.

I take a sip of beer and watch him move down the beach over the rim of my cup. He walks past Rosalie and BB one, and makes his way over to Sam Ulley and the surf crew. It's probably only my imagination, but I swear I see Rosalie shoot a dirty look at his back. My insides jump at the thought they might be fighting. If they break up, that's good, right? But then I won't see him at our monster meals anymore. It's a dilemma.

He accepts a joint from Sam and takes a cup of beer offered by some girl. His face is beautiful in the blaze of the fire, and I watch as he gives her his lazy smile, the one I'm dying to have thrown my way.

I sigh, and the night I was excited for begins to feel less fun. The ache I have for him is intense, and the disappointment I continue to set myself up for is becoming unbearable. Not being able to share it with anyone makes it harder, even if it is my choice. Not wanting to fall down the rabbit hole of self-pity and loathing, I try to tell myself that this crush I have is ridiculous, that Edward Cullen would never want to spend time with someone like me. He's twenty, I'm seventeen. He goes to UCLA, I'm still in high school. He dates Rosalies and I date fellow high schoolers like cold and bland Milk Jake.

Making an effort to laugh with Ang and Ben, who showed up sometime during my Edward haze, I try to get back in the swing of the party. I'm successful for a while, dancing with a guy named Jared who has his shirt off and keeps poking the comb sticking out of his back pocket on my thigh. He's pretty cute though, so I don't mind too much.

A little while later, we take a smoke break and walk away from the fire and music, and I look around for Rosalie who I assume hasn't seen me or she'd have come over to yell at me about the borrowed tube top or existing in general. Everyone in California is blonde but Ang, Alice and me, so it's hard to find her at first. Eventually I see her near the first aid station, talking to some dude in the shadows.

I squint my eyes and crane my neck trying to see who it might be. I definitely don't want to watch her and Edward making out, but when I look around, I see him over by the keg, so it's definitely not Rosalie's boyfriend up there with her and I feel elated and sick in the pit of my stomach at the same time.

Angela sticks her face next to mine to see what I'm looking at and sucks in a breath. "Oooh that's Steve's dealer!" she whispers harshly in my ear. I watch as they move out of the shadow and I gasp.

"The creepy dude from the used car lot is Steve's dealer?" I look around quickly to see if I said that too loud. No one seems to be paying any attention to me so I go back to gaping.

"Yeah. Emmett something. Why is Rosalie hanging out with him?"

"I dunno, is she scoring? I would think your boyfriend would do that for you." I look back at Edward who is laughing with Sam and the guys, seemingly not aware that his girlfriend is hanging out with creepy used car dude.

"I don't think that's what she's doing," Angela says while clearing her throat. I look back to the couple and my eyes widen as I watch Emmett touch Rosalie's hair and push it behind her shoulder, keeping his hand in place and leaning in to kiss her.

"Oh my god, what is she thinking?" I watch in horror, stunned that she would cheat when she has a boyfriend like Edward Cullen. Especially when he's standing not fifty yards from her.

My heart starts beating and I feel awful. Rosalie breaks from Emmett and while he goes back towards the parking lot, she seems to be walking right towards me.

She looks unsure and pissed off all at the same time. "Hey, Angela," she says to my friend who responds with a quiet 'hello' back.

"Bella, is that my shirt?"

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah. I borrowed it."

"Well I guess I don't have to worry about you stretching it out." She gives me a half smile. "Seriously, it looks cute on you."

I bug my eyes at her and realize she's being nice so I don't open my trap.

"Do Mom and Charlie know you're here?"

"Not exactly."

She rolls her eyes at me and huffs. "Just don't get drunk, okay? I don't want to have to cover for you." With that, she walks away and towards Edward. He glances at her and she drapes her arm on his shoulder, leaning up to whisper in his ear. He shakes his head once and I watch as she pushes him and stomps away.

That is interesting and will be played over in my head for the next few hours.

A little while later, Jared comes back around with some weed so I take a hit, and we talk for a bit. Well, he talks about surfing and I just nod my head. I like the fact that an older guy seems to be interested, and that makes my heart swell stupidly, thinking maybe Edward will soon see me differently too. I lick my lips and bat my eyelashes; everything _Seventeen_ tells you to do to "_be a successful flirt!"._

I'm about to answer a question Jared has asked when I feel a hand tightly grip my arm and turn me around, making me stumble in the sand to keep my balance. My beer spills onto my foot and I look at the hand briefly, confused, before shooting my eyes up to the asshole holding onto me. I'm stunned when my eyes meet the black stare of my crush.

"Jesus fuck Swansong, go put some fucking clothes on," he growls at me between clenched teeth.

I'm just staring at him, torn between awe that he's talking to me, exhilaration that he's touching me, and anger that he's ordering me.

All I can come up with is a very eloquent, "What?"

Before I can make sense of what just happened, I'm left standing by the fire alone with my mouth hanging open, watching him walk away.

* * *

The next morning, I'm woken up by the smells of something dying in the kitchen, so I lay in bed going over the previous night's events, avoiding whatever might be happening to things that were once edible on the other side of the house.

To say last night left me speechless would be an understatement. I wasn't dressed any differently than any girl on that beach, or even Rosalie whom he seems to think looks good when she wears that stuff on a daily basis. Hell, it was _her_ shirt. It's the fashion now, so I'm not sure what his issue is.

After he stormed off, I didn't see him or Rosalie again, and Ang and I left soon after, getting a ride home from Ben. I didn't want to tell her what happened with Edward while we were in the car, and I knew she was now in church so I couldn't call her, but I was dying to know what she thought of the whole thing. She must've seen it.

It was just so weird.

I mean, he never talks to me. When he finally decides to he goes about it in that way? Maybe Rosalie put him up to it. Maybe she was mad about the shirt but didn't want to start something in case I ratted out her little meeting with creepy used car dude. But it's most likely Charlie's fault. Edward kissing up to his girlfriend's father by starting his babysitting duties early.

Whatever the reason, the more I think about it, the more pissed I am because he did it in front of Jared, basically making me feel like a child. If this is what he thought Charlie meant when he said to keep an eye on me, he's going to get an earful the next time I see him.

The sound of the front door opening and closing rouses me from my thoughts and I lean up on my elbow to look out the window that faces the driveway. I see a gold Trans Am peeling away from the house and then I hear Rosalie's door close.

I quickly scramble out of bed, tripping on my bedspread, and knock softly on Rosalie's door.

"Go away, please."

"Rose, it's me," I say through the closed door.

I hear Rosalie sigh but she tells me to enter. Pushing the door open, I see her sitting at her makeup table still dressed in what she had on last night. Her hair is a mess and her eyes and nose are red.

"You look like shit."

"Thanks. You smell like ass."

I lean against the poster-covered wall, my fingers playing with the hem of my t-shirt. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You sound like you're getting a cold. Were you crying?" Maybe she and Edward broke up?

Rosalie looks in the mirror and rubs her face. "I'm fine, just tired."

I look at her for a minute but decide to let it go. If I push her, I don't think she'd tell me anything. Maybe if I wait until we're lounging in the den later, she'll open up.

"Is there something you want? I want to go to sleep." She gets up and pulls her shirt off over her head, replacing it with her well-worn Rolling Stones shirt. After removing her shorts, she throws them towards the hamper and falls back into bed. I look at the empty plastic packet dusted with white residue that's fallen out onto the floor and walk back out of her room, closing the door behind me.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** I begged my parents to buy me a sequin tube top when I was about nine or ten. They caved, and I was only allowed to wear my bright red sparkler in the house while I performed the soundtrack to Grease on the fireplace wall that acted as my stage.

* * *

**Thanks to my beach babes, CarrieZM and LayAtHomeMom  
**(Are you reading Lay's latest, **Beneath the Branches**? Holy hell am I enjoying it! Run and find it now!)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"**Hot child in the city, Runnin' wild and lookin' pretty." **_\- Nick Gilder, "Hot Child in the City", It went to #1 both in Canada (October 14, 1978) and in the United States (October 28, 1978)._

I spend most of the day hanging out in the den, watching reruns. I'm curious to see if Edward is going to come by and act crazy and mad again, but Rosalie stays in her room and I hear no mention that he'll be joining us this evening.

I'm happy he won't get food poisoning, but bummed because a crazy and mad Edward is still hotter than any of the boys I've ever seen. Even Shaun Cassidy. As hot as he is, I'm still planning to give him a piece of my mind when I next see him, and rehearse in my head all the things I'll say.

"Whatchu talkin' about Edward" is the pathetic front-runner.

Renee calls me for dinner and I plan my escape route, but I haven't seen anyone all day and I'm feeling a little social so I go and take my seat, across from Edward's empty chair.

Rosalie looks like hell. I've never seen her without her Lip Smackers on, and her nose is red. Charlie gives her the side eye when she keeps sniffling and moves his chair bit by bit away from her. I knew it was just a matter of time until he figured out she was diseased and a terrible step-daughter to have.

The only thing that stops me from cracking some of my best one-liners at her expense is the look on her face. Pretty, peppy Rosalie looks like she just got dumped. My heart soars and my feet want to do a little happy dance under the patio table but something doesn't make me feel quite like celebrating.

I get a funny feeling thinking about her in the shadows last night with that creep Emmett. As much as she annoys me and I wish Renee and Charlie would ship her off to some exclusive college in Switzerland so Edward can finally realize I'm the cat's meow, I don't really want her to get involved with a skeevy guy like him. Even _she_ deserves a little better than that.

"Is this roast beef?" I ask and push my fork under the slab on my plate to get a closer look.

"It's Chateaubriand. I got the recipe out of McCall's." Renee smiles at me with her watery martini eyes. She looks so pleased I don't have the heart to tell her that it looks like my old Brownie uniform beret with gravy on it.

My chair scrapes against the cement as I stand up to go. "Where are you off to, young lady? You haven't touched your dinner." Charlie's mustache twitches as he says it.

"Uh, yeah. Had a big bowl of popcorn not an hour ago. Angela is coming to get me. I'll be home by one."

"Midnight."

"Twelve-forty-five."

"Twelve-thirty."

"Deal." I kiss Charlie's cheek and wave to Renee who is busy trying to communicate with some birds in the yard.

I run into the house and change into some short-shorts, my favorite Bay City Rollers t-shirt and finger comb my couch-pressed hair into some sort of style. Nothing works, so I grab some elastics and tie it up quick into two low pigtails since we're just headed to the drag strip to watch her brother race and there's a slim chance Mick Jagger will show up to woo me away.

Angela's mom's station wagon isn't the coolest thing to be driving around in, but I really have no grounds to complain. It's another beautiful night in Malibu and we play the radio loud with the windows down while we smoke cigarettes and I hang my bare feet out the window.

We stop at the Gas 'n Gulp and sit on the hood of the car, waiting for hot guys to notice us while we drink cherry ICEE's and eat Fun Dip.

"Where's Alice tonight?" I ask as I pull my candy stick out of the pouch and suck on the powder.

"Her mom and dad took her to a retreat."

"Becoming one with our Lord and Saviour?" I half-joke.

"Something like that." She smirks and adjusts her top just as two muscle heads walk by. "So did Rosalie say anything about Emmett and last night?"

I think about the packet on her floor. The one that was gone when I checked on her this afternoon. "Nope. She looked like hell all day though. I wanted to ask her if Edward finally broke up with her, but she looked like someone kicked her puppy so I left her alone. Figured that was karma enough for me."

"Think that has anything to do with how Edward talked to you last night? What the hell was that all about?"

I whip around to face her.

"What the fuck _was_ that? He's barely ever spoken to me."

"I guess he's taking his babysitting job seriously."

That earns her a swift jab in the thigh. "Ow, bitch!"

"If he thinks I'm going to put up with him watching me like that and telling me what to do, he's mistaken. I don't care if Charlie instructed him to do _exactly_ that."

"Probably just in a bad mood because of Rosalie." She rubs her leg. "That's gonna leave a mark."

"He didn't show up for dinner."

"Can you blame him?"

"It's just weird. The whole thing is weird." I gaze off at the setting sun, sighing.

We make another run into the store to pee and get some gum before heading to the strip. It's not the most exciting thing to do, but it beats sitting in my house all night listening to Renee and Charlie get it on.

The drag strip off Decker is basically just a dirt road in the canyon. It's straight enough for the cars to race but has a bare lot for the guys to sit with their car and have others stroke their egos and tiny penises through vehicular love.

Ang and I ditch the station wagon and sit on the trunk of her brother's car, drinking beers from the cooler at our feet. Jared from last night comes by to say hello, so we shoot the shit a while, commenting on who's the bigger douchebag - John with his Challenger or Emilio with his Camaro.

I call it a tie as all of the guys here are douchebags in my eyes.

He laughs too loud and I think I've found the other person besides Charlie that finds me funny. Maybe we _are _soul mates.

We joke and drink and sing along to the radio pumping loud out of one of the cars as the dust swirls around us, the headlights from the cars the only light shining across the lot. The Bimbo girls are pretending to be Natalie Wood, standing between the cars and flagging them dramatically when a race starts. They squeal and hop around, making their boobs jiggle which I'm sure is the intention. It's all very greaser sixties movie-ish and even though I'm poking fun at them with Ang and Jared, I wouldn't mind getting a little of that attention.

I'm regaling Jared with tales of dinner when Ang's pointy elbow digs into my side.

"Ow. I said I was sorry for the thigh hit," I complain and rub my ribs. She just nods her head towards the entrance of the lot.

I look to see what's got her going all Bruce Lee on me and my heart jumps a little when Edward's yellow Jeep pulls in. It's by far the coolest car here, all open doors and windows. His hair is flying around a little bit in the night breeze and I glance inside the car as he rolls by.

No Rosalie.

His left foot is bare as it props itself up against the frame of the car and he's got on his ratty shorts that I love. He's smiling easy and friends start gathering around, exchanging a couple of those pseudo handshakes that guys do. Grabbing fists like they're going to arm wrestle.

The girls arrive next, about four of them making their way and pushing in around the guys tossing their hair and giggling. One blonde actually gets in the front seat and it's enough to make my stomach repel whatever bite of Renee's dinner I managed to get down.

"Where's Rosalie?" Ang asks and I just shrug.

"Guess she stayed home." Even as I say it, it feels weird because Rosalie is never home at night during the summer.

Jared is still next to me talking even though most of my attention is across the lot and I'm giving him half-answers and grunts. It feels like he's trying to get up the nerve to ask me out and I don't know if I want him to.

I watch Edward as he says no to racing, has a beer and jokes around. He doesn't look upset or anything like he did last night so maybe they aren't fighting after all.

Ben shows up so it's nice and awkward as he and Ang paw each other, and Jared has to scoot closer to me so he doesn't feel Ben's ass gyrating on his leg. I shoot a dirty look at Angela but she just smiles, letting Ben suck on her neck like a leech. I've never understood her desire for wearing hickeys like puka shells.

Just as Edward perches on the back of the Jeep and his shirt rides up at the motion, Jared finally works up his nerve.

"So Bella, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go see a movie or something some time?"

Bad timing on Jared's part because Edward takes that moment to run his hand over his toned and sun-kissed abs. "Huh?"

"I thought maybe-" he starts again just as Edward's eyes land on mine. My face burns hot at being caught staring at him, and I can only hope that the glare from the headlights is actually blacking me out and he can't tell if he's looking at a person or a Wookie.

"I'm sorry, Jared, what?" I turn to give him my full attention if only to stop staring at Edward.

"I thought maybe we could go out, catch a movie." He seems less sure and I feel bad, but I don't have much interest in going out with him.

"Hey, Jared." Edward's suddenly walking right towards us. They do the fist shake thing and start talking about surfing, so I stand there sipping on my warm beer, completely unacknowledged by Edward which is very rude.

"We were in the middle of a conversation," I interrupt.

Edward's eyes shoot to mine. "Were you?" He says it more like a statement so I don't take that like I have to answer and turn back to Jared.

"When did you want to go out?" I smile pretty and hold out my beer so he'll get me another one.

"How's Tuesday? They're showing a classic down at the Malibu Cinema. _The Blob."_ He hands me a beer after he opens it, which earns him points for being a gentleman.

"Sounds perfect." I turn to Edward and smile. "Don't worry, I'll tell Charlie." It's more sarcastic than I would've liked, but it gets the point across.

Edward eyes me and says goodbye to Jared, and walks away without another glance in my direction.

I frown at my beer, knowing I just said yes to Jared because Edward was standing there. We make tentative meeting plans at the theater and he ambles off towards the guys.

Sighing, I walk around a little bit and say hi to a few people I know, which isn't many, so I'm back at Steve's car within minutes, making a point to talk to more people my final year of high school so that when I come to these things I don't look like a loser with no friends.

Ben's holding Angela like he's medically unable to remove himself as she looks at me sheepishly. This isn't going to be good. "Bella, could you find a ride home maybe? Ben and I-"

"With who?" I bark, eyes bugging out of my head.

"I don't know, maybe Jared…" She trails off and I just say fine. I'll figure it out. If it were me in Ang's shoes with a guy hopelessly devoted to her like Olivia Newton-John, I guess I'd try to pawn her off too.

Walking up to the surf crew, I see Edward is now in the middle of the group, animatedly talking, flipping his shaggy hair out of his eyes and inadvertently flexing his muscles as he tells a story. Hearing him talk about ankle busters and Eskimo rolls is enough to make me wonder what demon has possessed Rosalie if she finds the used car lot guy hotter than him.

Jared notices me standing there right away and smiles, so that earns him a few more points.  
"Do you think you could give me a ride?" I ask him, slightly nervous to have everyone listening. "Ang and Ben, well… "

"Oh man, I'd love to, I don't have my ride tonight. I came with Sam. But I'm sure he'd be happy to give you a lift." He looks over at Sam who doesn't really look like he should be driving anybody home.

"I'll do it," Edward sighs, not sounding too ecstatic by the job. "Are you ready now?"

"Um, sure. Thanks." I stand there awkwardly while he says goodbye before he turns on his heel. It takes me a moment to realize he's walking away so I half jog behind him like a puppy.

Maybe Alice was right, he _is_ going to treat me like a dog all summer.

"Where's the fire?" I say as I catch up.

"Huh?"

"You could've stayed you know, I could've hung out with other friends until you were ready."

"Who says I wasn't ready?"

"Fine." We lapse into silence and reach the Jeep. I've never ridden in an open-air car like a dune buggy or anything before so I'm kind of excited to feel the wind whip my hair around like a Breck Shampoo commercial.

He reaches towards his glove compartment to pull out an 8-track and I see a brush inside filled with blonde hair. It reminds me I'm sitting in Rosalie's throne, and I can practically feel long, prickly loose strands under my butt on the seat. Which leads me to think about all the disgusting things they've probably done on this seat. Ew.

He drives out of the lot fast so I hold onto the roll bar above my head. He takes the turn onto PCH way too quickly and I try to remember if I saw him drinking, but I just saw the one beer. I'd have noticed if he drank more, because I'm creepy like that. "I guess you really can't wait to be rid of me, huh?" He just looks at me out of the side of his eye. "You're practically trying to flip me out of this car."

He slows down a bit. "Sorry. Just…" He trails off, not really saying anything and I wonder if he's suddenly upset over Rosalie because he's not distracted by surf talk anymore. I want to ask, but honestly, I doubt he'd say a word to me.

We drive along, the ocean breeze is salty and pleasant, what moonlight escapes the smog shines down and he turns on an oldies station playing the Beach Boys. It's a nice tune so I just try to enjoy my ride and pretend that he's as happy about me being next to him as I am. We pass some popular hangouts and I hope people see me in his car. When we pull up to a traffic light, I feel important when a car full of girls giggle and look at him, until they try to get him to talk.

I lean forward, my face close to Edward's chest and I can feel that side of my face heat like he's the sun. Edward looks down at me warily, but when I shoot them the finger and smile as sweetly as I can, I hear it. Edward snorts a little. The girls curse at me but drive off when the light changes.

He accelerates but looks at me, shaking his head.

I shrug. "How do they know we're not together? I could be your girlfriend for fucks sake. They were rude."

"You are nothing like Rosalie," he says under his breath and it deflates me. I look out the window and try to hold in frustrated tears. My anger from last night bubbles up and I want to yell at him that she's no one I would _want_ to be like, and if he finds Rosalie's generic personality attractive then maybe he isn't anything like what I thought _he_ was either.

After a mile or two he must notice I've slumped in my seat, insulted, because he speaks quietly. "But yeah, you could've been my girl, they were rude."

Counting the words in my head, I realize Edward and I just had what is almost a conversation. _And_ he was just sort-of nice to me.

I forgive him silently and smile all the way home.

* * *

Rosalie bursts through my bedroom door as soon as I shut it.

"Why were you with Edward?" The look on her face isn't so much bitch, as it is worry.

"He gave me a lift. Ang and Ben wanted to re-create what your neck looks like on any given night so I left them to it." I turn and start kicking off my shorts. "Oh no, wait. I found him trying to fend off your mother, so I figured I'd help a guy escape."

"One day that smart mouth of yours is going to get in a heap of trouble."

"Yeah, well, one day that mouth of yours is going to be full of cold sores. Oh, wait…" I trail off, smirking.

She sits on my bed and kicks a stray magazine with her foot. "It smells like cigarettes in here."

"Think they've noticed?"

"Nah. If you can't tell, they really don't remember this side of the house exists now that they have the pool."

I half-crawl under my bed and pull out an old jewelry box of my mother's. It has flowers and ivy on it, and it's one of the only things left of hers I have. "Want one?" I hold out the contraband pack to Rosalie.

"Sure." I make sure the towel is stuffed under the door and crack the window open. We sit and smoke as she slides down to the floor to lean against my bed. She looks a little better than she did before.

"Are you okay?" I ask, blowing smoke up into the ceiling fan.

"Did Edward say anything?" she asks as she inspects her nails, feigning disinterest.

"About what?" She shoots me a look like I'm dumb. "About last night? No. What was that all about, anyway? Why are you hanging out with creepy car guy?" Why would you cheat on Edward, is what I really want to yell, but I can't expose myself.

"He's not so bad."

"I heard he deals hard stuff."

"So?"

I stare at her wide-eyed. "So? So that's not a good thing to do as a hobby. Is that all it is with you or…"

"We're friends."

I want to bring up the packet, but I don't. "Looked like more than that."

She glares at me. "Did Edward say that?"

"No, he didn't say anything about you at all." I don't know if I say that to hurt her or reassure her.

"Good. Why did he take you home, really?"

I make a face. "I was telling the truth about Ang and Ben. I didn't want to be part of a weird high school ménage à trois so I needed a lift."

"That was nice of him."

"He seems like a nice guy." I'm torn, wanting them to break up but also not wanting her to treat him this way.

"Sometimes too nice," she says quietly. I'm not sure why that's a problem so I don't say anything, and we just sit there, lost in our own thoughts.

But I get the feeling I'm the only one in the room thinking about Edward.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact: **My mother was a very basic "jar and box" cook. If Heinz made gravy in a jar there was no point in her mind to try and make her own. She made one meal she called "Swiss Steak"... me and my siblings _still_ have nightmares about it.

* * *

I didn't answer reviews this week, I'm so sorry. I had a thing.

Big shout out to my girls, CarrieZM and LayAtHomeMom.  
They are as fine as 8-track tapes and jarred gravy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"**Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels. I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels."** \- _Jackson Browne, "Running on Empty", a number 11 hit on the US Billboard Hot 100, it spent seventeen weeks on the chart after debuting on February 11, 1978._

"One burger, one fry, two grape sodas," I yell out through the window to the picnic tables. Two prepubescent girls fetch it, giggling and taking too many straws.

Sighing, I lean on the counter and rest my head in my chin, watching the surfers. I'm really trying to see if Edward is out there, but they all look like bobbing dots on the ocean. Alice finishes up taking an order and sidles up next to me.

"How was the retreat?" I ask and bump my hip into hers.

"Okay."

"That's it? Okay? Nobody tried to make you drink the Kool-Aid or anything?"

She shoots me a look. "It was just okay. Typical. Praying and stuff." She trails off and gets more straws to replace the ones the girls took. Alice never thinks to restock, so I know something's up. Maybe she is being brainwashed by cult leaders to do a better job.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just not much to talk about." She smiles. "What did I miss here?"

I let her change the subject and fill her in on the beach party and last night, but gloss over all the stuff with Rosalie and Emmett. The conversation with Rosalie is still sitting in the back of my head and I don't think I could talk it out with Alice, anyway. Angie, yes… she's a bit more worldly and in the know about stuff like drugs and relationships. Alice still has stuffed animals on her bed and posters of Disney movies mingling with crosses on her walls.

"This guy Jared asked me out," I supply, giving her a little bit of gossip to squeal over. Which she does, loudly.

"I'm so happy you said yes! Everyone needs to be in love in the summer." There's a wistful look on her face, and I hope she's not thinking about our much older teacher again. We discuss what I should wear and how I should act, when suddenly the topic of our conversation is walking over.

With Edward.

They're both still wet from their ride, the trunks they have on hang low on their hips as they take their surfboards from under their arms and dig them into the sand to stand them up. I straighten, hoping they're coming to get some food. Jared sees me and waves, a smile breaking out on his face. He's classic California - blond, blue-eyed, with a toothpaste-commercial smile. He could be the poster boy for the entire state. I wave back, flattered he looks excited to see me.

But then my eyes fall on Edward and the small enthusiasm I had at seeing Jared explodes like Pop Rocks in my stomach into full-blown elation, thinking about our car ride and how maybe we've turned a corner. It makes me feel giddy until I notice it looks like the last thing he wants to do is come to the window and order a hot dog from me.

They amble over and before Alice can wait on them Jared leans on the counter in front of me. "Hey, beautiful." I can almost feel Alice's eyes widen like a troll doll.

I'm not looking at Edward but every bit of me is attuned to him. He doesn't seem to think anything of Jared calling me that, nor does he say hello or smile or basically act human in any way.

"Hey." I answer and lean towards him invitingly with my boobs, which I know I shouldn't do, but I get stupid when Edward is around.

"Looking forward to tonight," he says and Edward turns his back, resting his elbows on the counter behind him and looks around. Not gonna lie, I thought after the other night he'd at least be polite to me.

"Me too." It's sort of a lie, and sort of not, but I make it sound convincing. We chat while they wait for their food, and I find out a little more about him. He goes to UCLA with Edward and is majoring in film. Edward pipes up and they start talking about some project they have to start before the fall semester and I look at him attentively, realizing I don't remember him and Rosalie ever discussing what he's going to school for at the dinner table.

Edward notices and narrows his eyes. "What?"

"Nothing," I say a little affronted. "Guess I never heard you talk about it before."

"I guess you weren't interested."

I jerk back at the rudeness, but it's not really surprising, I suppose. Back to the old Edward. "It sounds cool." I shrug, hoping to look unaffected by his attitude.

His face softens a bit, but he immediately leaves with the food Alice brings over and walks right past the tables to his dad's surf shop.

* * *

He shows up for dinner, which makes sense since he ate not an hour ago. I should've taken that as a clue.

Renee has Helen Reddy playing through the Hi-Fi speakers Charlie set up outside, and we're waiting for him to show up for the beige and yellow food on the table. I take the moments before we have to die a slow death via casserole to watch Rosalie and Edward interact. She seems back to normal, hair is curled nicely and her lips are so shiny she looks like she rubbed Crisco on them, so she must be feeling better.

He's leaning back in his chair and has Rosalie's hand in his on his knee, but they aren't really talking. She'll mutter something to Renee every once in awhile and he pretends to listen, but isn't really taking part of the conversation.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Renee says the absolute worst thing she could ever say.

"Okay, well, we might as well start eating without him."

I give her a death stare and try to set the casserole on fire with my mind. Rosalie, however, sits up. "Looks good," she says and scoops some with the serving utensil.

It sort of sticks to the spoon and sort of doesn't in its gelatinous state and my mouth and eyes widen in horror as I watch Rosalie reach for Edwards plate. The action makes him snap his attention back to the table and instinctively, I look at him and he looks back at me, an equally appalled expression on his face.

I can feel the brainwaves across the table, the same thought and fear transmitting between us, which makes me smile, and makes him smile back at me. He nods his head for me to look at Rosalie and just as we're sharing awe that she's about to take a bite, Charlie bursts through the sliders.

"Sorry I'm late, I brought chicken." On the table go two tubs of the Colonel's Original Recipe and I just about call everyone I know to tell them we've been rescued.

Edward and I look at the buckets, at each other, and then both grab for the delicious fried goodness that will be in our stomach in seconds.

"If I'd known you were going to bring dinner, Charlie, I wouldn't have slaved all day in the kitchen." Renee grabs her drink and turns in her chair.

"Yeah, Charlie. Look at what we're missing tonight," I say around a mouth full of juicy leg meat.

And that's when I feel it.

Edward's foot taps mine twice. I look at him, and he's smirking behind his hand with a mouth full of his own poultry. I'm swooning inside, positively reeling from his act of silent camaraderie.

Maybe he feels bad for being a jerk earlier.

"What's everyone doing tonight?" Charlie sits down and opens a beer, then reaches for two breasts and a biscuit. I didn't even notice the biscuits in my chicken haze, so I grab one. "I thought we could try out the new game I brought home. It's called _Simon_."

"Bella has a date tonight," Rosalie rats me out as she picks at a piece of fried skin.

Charlie quirks an eyebrow at me. "A date? You and Jake back together?"

"No-"

"She's going out with someone _older_." That earns Rosalie a glare and I wish I could take back our bonding time from the other night.

"Oh? How old is old?" Charlie puts his half-macerated chicken down.

"He's twenty, goes to UCLA, starting his second year."

"Is that right?" Charlie asks, looking over at Edward. "You know this kid?"

Edward puts his chicken down and wipes his hands on his napkin. "Yes, sir. We've had some classes together."

"He's studying film, too?" Charlie asks.

"He's focused more on directing."

"What are you focused on?" I pipe up, hoping this makes up for me not knowing jack shit earlier today.

"Cinematography."

"Oh, like how the movie is shot?" I ask.

He looks surprised at my knowledge. "Yeah. It's the art of the movie photography. How it's lit, camera angles. Ultimately what the film will look like is all the cinematographer."

This is the most animated Edward has ever been at dinner. He looks around the table unsure, but when Charlie asks a follow-up question, he continues. "Think about Lawrence of Arabia, how beautifully they shot the desert landscapes. Almost makes it the star of the movie. Or how The Godfather changed how movies were filmed in terms of light and dark." His entire face is lit up and I could listen for hours.

He looks like he's got more to say, but Rosalie makes a comment about how he should study to become a director like Jared because they get all the glory. He tells her he has no interest, but it's enough to make him clam up and pick up his chicken, and I want to punch her.

Charlie turns back to me. "What are you doing with this soon-to-be director tonight?"

"I'm meeting him at the movies. He's taking me to see _The Blob_. Apparently it's a classic, so that's cool."

"Why isn't he coming to get you so I can meet him?"

"I didn't want him to have to be polite and eat something." Charlie gives me a look. "It's no big deal, I said I'd meet him because then I wouldn't feel obligated to give him road head if I'm not in his car."

Edward chokes on something and Charlie looks at him, concerned before turning back to me.

"How were you planning on getting there?"

"I have a working thumb." I mimic hitching.

"Maybe Edward and Rosalie would like to go too, seeing how it's an interest of his as well. You could double." Charlie hides his laugh behind a huge piece of chicken I want to shove into his mustache.

Rosalie's head jerks up. "What? I'm not babysitting the twerp tonight."

"I really don't want to hang out with the hooker tonight," I fire back.

"I'd actually like to see it," Edward says to a pissed-off Rosalie, and I just about spit out my Hawaiian Punch.

"Great, it's settled. Bella, you got yourself a ride. Pass me a drumstick."

* * *

I'm beyond mortified sitting in the back of Edward's Jeep listening to Rosalie bitch about having to take me to the movies like a five-year-old and about having to see the movie itself. I can tell Edward is getting frustrated with her and I can't say I blame him.

"Can't we go somewhere else tonight?"

"It's only playing this one night, I looked in the paper."

She crosses her arms and blows non-existent bangs away with her goopy lips. "We could go to the beach." To my utter horror she moves her hand until it's resting dangerously close to Edward's junk on his thigh. "Be alone."

Edward shifts and catches my eye in the mirror, before immediately looking back at the road and moving his leg so Rosalie has to pull her hand back. "We can be alone in the back of the theater."

Before I can barf all over the back of his head, I yell 'we're here!' loudly and stand in the still moving car, forcing Edward to stop abruptly. "Thanks for the lift!" I jump out of the back and make a beeline for Jared, who's already waiting with two tickets in his hand. We say hello and he looks over my shoulder.

"Are they joining us?" I can tell he's a little disappointed and that makes me feel special.

"Nope, just gave me a ride. Let's go!" We walk into the theater and Jared buys me popcorn and a Tab. I try to recall if Jake ever paid for anything and I can't remember. It feels nice to be treated like an actual date and not a buddy.

The movie is hokey, which it's supposed to be, I suppose. Jared seems to be enjoying it and he leans over once or twice to tell me something about how it was filmed. His breath is close in my ear, but he doesn't make any move to feel me up which I'm grateful for. I turn to sneak a peek at Rosalie and Edward and after I pick them out, I wish I hadn't. Rosalie is practically in his lap and although I can't actually _see_ them making out, I don't think she's sitting on him to check his teeth for popcorn husks.

After the movie, we bump into them on the way out. There's really no way to be rude and walk to the parking lot without them, so Jared, Edward and I talk about the movie while Rosalie shuffles behind us.

"Anyone hungry? We could go to Mac's," Jared suggests.

"Mac's?" Rosalie looks slightly nervous which is weird 'cause I know she loves it there. It's the perfect spot to have men yell vulgar things at you from cars, which is right up her alley. "So boring."

"I can drop you at home, then." Edward's voice is clipped, and Rosalie looks a little bothered by the fact that Edward isn't begging her to go or suggest somewhere else. The stare down is uncomfortable.

"Fine, I'll go," Rosalie huffs.

"We can drop Bella off on the way," he finishes and is about to get in his car.

"Um, excuse me, I don't get a say?" I complain, incensed as I look right at him. I'm getting really tired of being treated like a child by my step-sisters rude but hot boyfriend.

"I am _Jared's_ date, so you don't get to have any opinion about how I get home. Or when."

Edward's stare goes dark at my words. I suppose it came out a little sharper than it should've but too bad. He looks at Jared and then down at Jared's hand just as I decide it's the perfect moment to entwine my hand with his. It isn't clammy or anything, so that's more points for him.

"See you there." He and Rosalie turn and climb in the Jeep, peeling out before Jared even opens his door for me.

* * *

Mac's is straight out of _American Graffiti_. All buzzing neon signs, people hanging out all over picnic tables and leaning against cars as they eat and smoke and drink contraband beer. Music pipes in over the speakers, some Boston and Eagles mixed in with the occasional requisite Beach Boys song.

Jared pulls up next to Edward's Jeep and we climb out. I look over the crowd and I see Ang and Ben, but no Alice, so I wave them over and tell Jared I want a chocolate milkshake when he asks. Ben goes with him to fetch us snacks and Ang is on me immediately, wanting all the details of our date.

I fill her in on the buying of popcorn and non-clammy hands, and can't help but mention how Edward and Rosalie seemed at odds all night. Except when she was giving him the dental exam, of course. We glance around and see Rosalie over with the Bimbo Box crew, but Edward is across the lot talking to the guys.

We drink our milkshakes and flip our hair, Ben and Jared beside us the whole time. It makes me feel nice that he's not abandoned me to hang out elsewhere, and I think if he asks me I will say yes to a second date.

A gold Trans Am drives slowly into the lot, speakers blaring Aerosmith, and my stomach clenches because I know who is in that car.

Emmett pulls by with a trashy blonde in the front seat, and I look at Rosalie.

She's watching him like a hawk even though she's leaning against a car, smoking like she doesn't have a care in the world. Her narrowed eyes follow him as he parks and a few people wander over and lean on the T-Top, talking. I wonder if he's making drug deals out here in the open at Mac's.

He finally gets out of the car and the blonde follows. Rosalie is watching him intently despite the fact that her much cuter and less creepy boyfriend is not twenty feet away.

Rosalie looks the girl up and down from her beyond bleached hair and heavily made up face, to her purple wrap dress and matching platform Candie's. Rosalie fingers her halter top and crosses her arms, and I've never seen her look so insecure.

Emmett moves directly in front of his friend, pushes her chin up with a lone finger and waits as she goes on tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

Trashy then leaves to go into Mac's and Emmett says hello to a few other people, walking right past Rosalie without a look in her direction. She looks half-relieved and half-pissed off, so she turns to Jessica and starts laughing too loud, putting on a show like she isn't obviously rattled by what she just witnessed.

I try not to make it too obvious I'm more interested in what's going on across the parking lot than my date, but it hits me in the gut when I see Rosalie call Edward over, drape her arm across his shoulder and lean into his side like a loving girlfriend and not the heinous bitch she's been all night.

As she tips her head up for a quick peck that Edward dutifully gives her, her eyes search out Emmett, who is not looking at the act she's putting on at all.

I'm relieved that it looks like Emmett has lost interest.

But it makes me sad for Edward if Rosalie isn't as happy about that.

Suddenly it's all too much. I've had my fill of Mac's and the milkshake is sitting in my stomach like Renee's meatloaf. "Jared, I'm ready to go. Can you take me home?"

"Sure," he says, even if he looks a little deflated. "Let me just say goodbye to the guys."

He and Edward slap five and Edward looks over at me and I wonder if he's going to insist on driving me home so Charlie sees he's a good boy. He makes no move to leave Rosalie's side as I turn away and climb into Jared's car.

As we're pulling out of the lot, I look back and see Edward's removed Rosalie's arm and is watching Jared's car, the dark look back on his face.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** I got the _Simon_ game for Christmas one year. We were allowed to bring one new toy to my Aunt and Uncle's house every year for dinner (because it was horribly boring there) and when I let my older cousins try it, I didn't get it back until we left. I still haven't forgiven them.

I got so many reviews saying this story is taking you down memory lane. I am SO enjoying the fact you guys are sharing some of your own 70's or childhood memories with me! Keep 'em coming!

* * *

**Thanks to the best girls I know, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**I think about summer my head was swimmin'  
****You wrote my name in the sand We walked together hopin' forever  
Please don't let go of my hand **_\- LeBlanc and Carr, "Falling", It was their highest-charting single, peaking at number 13 in the United States during the winter of 1978._

My hair flies behind me as Ang pushes me on her skateboard. It's really hot out, but we couldn't find anyone to ask for a ride to where Ben is hanging with his skateboard friends. Again, I bitch out Charlie for not buying me a car and complain that Ben should pick her up like a gentleman if he expects her to spend an afternoon watching him ride around on cracked asphalt and iron railings. She shoots back that Jared could do the same.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"I dunno, you seemed pretty happy at the beach last week when he stopped by."

I flip her the bird and jump off the board, giving Alice a turn. "Is he _going_ to be your boyfriend?" Alice asks as she balances herself.

"I don't know." Since our movie date we've been out one other time to the diner. It's not that he's not a nice guy, or cute, but he's not Edward. A fact I don't say out loud. "Charlie wants to meet him, though."

"Make sure he comes _after_ dinner," Ang says as she grabs Alice's hand. We pull her by the arms while cars honk at us to get off the road. She's laughing and trying not to fall as we run and whip her so she's flying on her own. We take a few more turns until Angela declares she needs a smoke and picks the board up nestling it under her arm while we walk slow.

The place they're skating in is the old library parking lot. It has lots of curbs and stairs and all the stuff the skateboarders seem to think is a great way to injure yourself. There's about fifteen of them standing around pretending to be the Z-Boys from Santa Monica, which they will never be. We sit on the cement and cheer them on anyway as they do jumps and spin around, and we hold our breath when one guy gets so low in a turn that his long, blonde hair is brushing the ground.

Ben glides towards us after performing a few cool tricks. He's really very good and we tell him that. Ang says she wants to learn some moves, so like an attentive boyfriend, he coaches her how to do some basics until she gets too hot and sits back down on the concrete.

"I wish we had beer," she says, fanning herself with her hand.

"Hell, I'd give a hand job for a Tab." I look around to see if there are any coolers or backpacks, as Alice makes a clucking sound next to me.

"You really shouldn't joke like that."

"Who said I'm joking?" I bump my shoulder into hers and make a goofy face at her until she smiles. She really needs to loosen up.

A skateboarder starts coming fast towards us and I'm about to get off my ass so he doesn't give me a concussion when he makes a sudden stop in front of us, kicking up gravel.

The shaggy blond smiling at us makes my eyes go wide. "Mr. Whitlock," I say, surprised to see a teacher out here with these guys.

"I didn't know you skated," Ang says to him, shielding her eyes.

"Sure. It's just like surfing. How's your summer going, ladies?" Ang and I answer generically while I try to catch a glimpse of Alice's reaction to her dreamboat showing up out of nowhere.

The conversation continues in the type of banal niceties you say to a teacher when you see them awkwardly outside of school until he makes motions like he's going leave. "Okay, well, you girls enjoy the rest of summer. Mary Alice," he smiles as he turns to her, "hope you're reading some plays during your break."

"I am." It's the only thing she's said this whole time. I guess she's too nervous to speak.

He salutes us and kicks off his board, turning back towards the skaters.

"That was awkward," Ang says. "I hate seeing teachers where they're not supposed to be. I saw the gym teacher last summer driving a cab outside the grocery store and it just about traumatized me."

"I think little Alice here is traumatized right _now_," I joke as I watch her staring after him.

"Little Alice can handle herself just fine, thank you very much." She gets up and wipes dirt off her butt. "I'm gonna go. It's too hot for me."

Ang and I share a look. "Wanna come over later?" I ask her. "The new _Seventeen_ came."

"I don't know, maybe. I'll call you." Alice walks away and doesn't look back.

* * *

The next weekend, Tasty Dog is super busy. The beach is usually crowded in summer with teenagers and stuff, but on a Saturday it's especially busy with parents making the most of their day off with their kids. It means there are actual adults with money to spend so the food shacks and ice cream stands are usually non-stop.

I'm running around taking orders, giving them to the cook, and then delivering them to the window and tables while taking money. Alice called out sick, and when I see her next, I'm going to be very mad at her. The cook's son is helping out, if you can call it that. He's mostly ogling the bikinis that come to the window and trying to act much cooler than he'll ever be.

I blow my hair away from my sweaty face and tell him to help me refill the ketchup and mustard bottles before we close for the day. We clean up a bit, making sure everything is ready for tomorrow and as we get on the countertops to close the windows, the sun on the water looks so inviting I think about going for a swim. It's a law if you're a California girl to always have a bathing suit on under your clothes. If you don't and the authorities find out, you get deported to Kansas, so I figure I'll put it to some use.

Taking off my burger-stenched shirt as I walk through the picnic tables, I see Cullen's Surf Shop still has their door open. A colorful flag waves outside in the breeze and I decide I'd rather surf. I'm sure Mr. Cullen would loan me a board. He and Charlie know each other from competing in amateur surfing competitions together before Charlie got serious with my mom and decided he needed a real job, while Mr. Cullen continued competing and traveled around the world until settling here about a year ago.

Crossing the threshold, I take in a whiff of the always present patchouli smell and look around. Boards of all different sizes and colors are lined up against the wall, mixed in with some trunks and t-shirts. Pictures of Mr. Cullen riding waves are hung up alongside pictures of other famous surfers. I walk to the one next to the display of board waxes and look at Charlie as he's just entering a large curl. It's funny to see him without the mustache.

"Bella! It's been a while, how are you, honey?"

I turn and smile. "Hi, Mr. Cullen." He envelopes me in a hug and he smells like the ocean mixed with weed. For an older guy, he is super handsome. He's the perfect combination of tanned skin and bleached-by-the-sun hair. Edward looks a lot like him. "I'm good. I was hoping I could borrow a board? I don't want to go home to get one and waste time, the waves are perfect right now."

"You know you don't have to ask. But are you going out alone?" He walks to the wall of boards and sifts through a few.

"Yeah, but there are others out there, I'm sure I know someone."

"I'd feel better if I went with you. Let me get changed. I'll lock up early."

"I can ride with her." Edward pops out of the back room and it's all I can do to keep my eyes from bulging out of my skull in shock that he's volunteering to spend time with me. And–he's shirtless. Yum.

"That's okay, I don't want to put anyone out," I stutter, and my heart starts racing just a little bit.

"It's fine," he says, not even looking at me as he kicks his flip flops off and stashes them behind the counter.

Carlisle smiles. "Yeah? Sounds good. Here, how's this one?" Carlisle slips a board out of the group.

"Great." I go to reach for the board but Edward steps in front of me.

"Give her the Ed Angulo." Edward pulls a board out. "The blue matches her suit." He looks as startled at his comment as I am. "It's also the easiest to handle for a girl."

I scowl at him when he grabs my board and walks out. "Don't let Gloria Steinem hear you talk like that," I yell to his retreating back.

I hug Mr. Cullen one more time and tell him I'll tell Charlie he says hi. Following Edward outside, he's gathering his board and now has one under each arm. "I can get mine," I say and follow him across the beach.

"It's no problem." And it really isn't. His muscles are flexing as he carries them easy. His red trunks are hanging a bit low and I half-wish they fall down and he can't grab them because his hands are full.

It finally dawns on me that I'm going to surf _alone_ with Edward. I haven't been this nervous since I left my Barbie diary on the bus in sixth grade. He puts the boards upright in the sand as I wipe my sweaty hands on my shorts. I then get _more_ nervous when I realize I'm going to have to take them off in front of him.

"I could've surfed alone, you don't have to babysit me."

"You could just say thanks for the company."

"Just because Charlie–"

"Bella. I wanted to surf. You wanted to surf. Therefore, we are surfing at the same time."

"Okay." I shimmy out of my shorts and hope I look like Cheryl Tiegs and not Hervé Villechaize.

"You've done this before, right?" he asks and I see a hint of sarcasm in his smile.

"Yes, I'm not great, but I don't suck."

He starts stretching his arms over his head loosening up and his abs are perfect. It's all I can do not to drool. Even his man nipples are nice-looking. Golden brown and just the right size with no hairs sticking out of them. _Cosmo_ would sell a lot of copies if they made him do a naked centerfold like Burt Reynolds.

I insist on carrying my board to the waves and we start paddling out. The water is the perfect temperature and I'm instantly at peace with the world. There are some other guys farther out and the swells are starting to climb. Edward lays on his board waiting for a good one, and I do the same. We bob over a few he finds unacceptable, listening to the water as it softly laps against our hands while the surf farther away pounds down. Birds are flying overhead and it's a cloudless day.

It might be my favorite day, ever.

I see one coming I like so when it starts lifting my board, I turn and paddle with the wave at my heels. I see Edward right next to me doing the same, and once the wave hits the right height, we both jump up onto our boards and sail along the crest.

I get a pretty good ride going, but I'm the first off and I land in the cool water which feels like heaven on my Tasty Dog-abused skin. Breaking the surface, I swim to catch my board and climb up. Edward made it farther to shore, so he's paddling back to where I am.

"Not bad, Swansong. I'm impressed."

"Because I'm a girl or…" I was about to say 'Rosalie's twerpy sister' but I decide against saying her name. Not right now. "Or because my true talent is comedy?"

Edward laughs and it's the most I've ever seen him laugh at something. He throws his head back and shakes the water from his hair before smiling at me.

"You can be pretty funny." He ducks his head and shakes his hair one more time before he starts paddling.

I'm beaming inside. Maybe during all those dinners where I'm trying to make people forget their food by entertaining the crowd, he's listened to me once or twice. We turn and wait for the next wave, and ride a few together with me mostly wiping out first. He gives me a few pointers and the next wave I nail perfectly if I do say so myself.

"I need a rest," I say after the fifth in a row. I straddle my board and ride the water, and Edward does the same. We drift a bit in silence, both of us watching the surfers farther out. "You could go…" I motion towards them.

"I'm good here." His eyes are reflecting all the colors of the ocean beneath us and the sky above. It's blue and pink and purple and it makes Edward's skin glow warm.

"This would make a beautiful scene in a movie," I say absent-mindedly and Edward turns to look at me.

"It really would." I'm staring at him and he's staring at me. My board starts to drift from his and he holds his hand out to me, pulling me back towards him so our knees bump. He holds my hand for just a beat too long for a guy that has a girlfriend, and it's me that pulls away. We both turn back to look at the waves, my heart going a million miles a minute. I couldn't have just imagined that. But it's probably just the magical witching hour of the day, where everything looks so much better than it actually is and pulls you into her spell.

Edward breaks the silence first, asking me about random things like Tasty Dog and school, and we talk about his classes and what kind of films he wants to make.

We spend the next half hour bobbing there together, talking and laughing and dreaming and forgetting that Rosalie Hale exists.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact: **I really saw my elementary school gym teacher, Mr. Zak, parked outside the A&P grocery store in the driver's seat of a taxi. It had never occurred to me before that teachers had other lives.

* * *

**Huge thanks to two girls I'd skateboard with all day, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**I don't want to cry  
****I just can't find the answers  
****To the questions that keep going through my mind  
****Hey babe  
****Isn't it time  
****Isn't it time it took time to wait  
****Falling in love could be your mistake - **_The Babys, "Isn't It Time", The song peaked at position No. 13 on the Billboard Hot 100 before dropping off in January, 1978_

Jared calls the next day and asks me to dinner.

And not to Mac's or anything for a cheesesteak and fries or the diner again. He wants to take me out. Like _out_ _out_. To a restaurant where there are cloth napkins and the waiter holds your menu for you until you're settled in your seat.

I know Charlie is going to insist on meeting him this time since I agreed to let him pick me up. It means that even though he won't have to eat it, he'll still be subjected to looking at Renee's version of Goulash, which is just elbow macaroni, hamburger and tomato soup. Believe it or not, it's up there in terms of top five things Renee cooks that I can eat, but hell yes to a nice meal someone else pays for.

I'm nervous as I knock on Rosalie's door. She's been moody all day, and I haven't had a chance to ask what's wrong. When I got back from the beach last night, she wasn't here, and I never heard her come in. My gut tells me she was with Emmett, because Edward was with me until it got too dark out to see the waves.

When we'd had enough surfing, he drove me home but was silent most of the way, listening to Led Zeppelin too loud to make conversation. The energy between us that I felt on the water had vanished, and I figured that moment was all in my head as he dropped me off with barely a 'bye' and zoomed away almost before I had my left foot out of the car.

He did not ask if Rose was home or make any mention of coming in to see her.

"Can I come in?" I call through the door.

"If you must."

Earth, Wind and Fire plays through the room and I see Rosalie sitting on her floor maintaining her pedicure, but her hair is messy and she's got that diseased look about her again.

"You okay?"

"Why do you keep asking me that? I'm fine. What is it you need?" She doesn't look up from the pink polish.

"Um, Jared wants to take me to Vincenzo's tonight and I don't know what to wear." My bare foot crosses the other on her carpet.

She looks up at me. "You want my help?" She says it almost like she's doubtful or like it's a trap.

"Jake never took me anywhere but Frosty Freeze or the Gas 'n Gulp. Doubt I can wear flip flops and cutoffs for a fine-dining experience." She just looks at me with a blank face. "Yes, I would like your help, please." I roll my eyes.

She caps the bottle. "Wow. Bella Swan isn't so self-assured after all." She gets up and walks to her closet.

I wrinkle my nose at her. "What does _that_ mean? I'm just asking to borrow an outfit that doesn't smell like chicken wings."

She shifts through some pretty floral dresses and shrugs. "Nothing." She holds out a short, blue dress. "Try this on."

I'm confused by what she said, but ignore it as I take my shirt and shorts off, slipping the dress over my head. The material is silky against my skin and makes me feel pretty. Rosalie looks at me in the mirror. "Do you have any shoes to go with this? Your big feet will stretch mine out."

"My feet are the same size as yours! But yes, I have the sandals I wore to the wedding." They have beige straps and a low platform heel. They should match fine.

Rosalie sighs behind me. "I suppose I should do your toes for your big date. Don't want to scare the poor guy off with those talons."

"Jesus Rosalie, I'm not Big Foot. Don't do me any favors."

"Just sit down." She nods to the stool at her dressing table and I perch on the edge of the pink fur. She sits on the floor and takes my foot onto her lap, removing the leftover polish before speaking.

"Do you like this guy?" She delicately applies the same pink shade she was using.

"I guess? I don't know him all that well, it's only our third date."

She finishes one coat and moves to the other foot while I fan the wet polish with a magazine. "He seems okay. Edward likes him." We lapse into silence and she starts applying the second coat.

I chew my lip at the casual mention of her boyfriend. "Can I ask you something?"

"Maybe."

"Why won't you tell me what's really going on with you and Emmett?" Maybe it's none of my business, but I feel like we're in bonding mode at the moment. And I really want to understand what I saw at the lifeguard station and on her floor.

Her hand stills and she looks up at me. "Emmett is a friend."

She's lying. It's written all over her face. "I don't think I believe that."

"I don't care if you don't." She looks at me with a 'fuck you' expression.

"I'm not dumb, Rosalie. You looked awfully upset he didn't acknowledge you at Mac's when we were there after the movie."

Her face turns red. "He didn't see me there. He explained it."

"You believe that? He seemed more interested in this month's _Hustler_ centerfold."

Her eyes narrow. "Speaking of hanging out with people, I know you were with my boyfriend last night."

I'm a little startled. I didn't do anything wrong but my shoulders tense. "Yeah, after work I was sweaty and gross so I wanted to surf. He wanted to surf, so we surfed at the same time." I use his words because I feel guilty, somehow.

She flips her hair over her shoulder and continues on my foot. "I'm not mad."

The guilt kicks up a notch. Does she have suspicions I'm crushing on her boyfriend? It's not like I'd _do_ anything about it, but I guess it does make me a sucky step-sister. Even if she is treating him like garbage.

"Well duh. You have nothing to be mad _about_."

"I'm just pointing out that you have no right to lecture me about who I hang out with, do you?"

"_I'm_ not the one doing anything fishy." She pulls my toe towards her with more force than necessary. "Ouch! I'm sorry If you're having problems with your boyfriend, but don't take it out on _me_."

"I'm NOT having problems with my boyfriend." She sneers.

"Which one?" I sneer back, angry at how this conversation has escalated. I know it's because I've hit a nerve.

Her eyes narrow. "Watch it."

"No. I will _not_ watch it. I know what you're doing and I don't know why you don't just break up with Edward if you want to date a skeezeball."

"Did you and Edward discuss this?"

Now I'm really mad if she thinks I'd betray her. Even if she is nasty to me a lot of the time. I suck in a breath, my toes forgotten as I stand. "No, Rosalie. Believe it or not, you're not the topic of my conversations twenty-four seven."

I walk to her door and swing it open quickly. "And for the record, I _saw_ you kiss Emmett. So don't tell me he's just a 'friend'. Edward deserves a lot better than you."

"What, you think he deserves someone like _you_?" Her voice is shaky, despite the venom.

I leave her room without answering.

Because my answer would've been yes.

* * *

When I come downstairs before Jared arrives, I'm not surprised to see Edward sitting in the living room with Rosalie. Her legs are over his as they share a beer and lounge on the floor cushions.

I walk past them without a word. I'm still mad she doesn't see what she's doing wrong, a little at Edward, too, for not seeing it himself, or if he does, then I'm mad he's ignoring it and staying with her anyway.

Charlie and Renee are outside sitting by the pool, drinks in hand. I sit on the end of Renee's chaise.

"So, Jared is coming to pick me up in about five minutes to take me to dinner. There is one rule: do not embarrass me."

"Who, us?" Charlie's face is all innocence and astonishment.

"Where is he taking you?" Renee asks.

"Vincenzo's. Sorry I'll miss Goulash night."

"That's okay. Edward loves my Goulash."

"That's a strong word, but it's probably the most popular of your recipes, yes."

"Oh, that's nice. I'll make sure to save you some."

I ignore that. "Dad, please don't grill him, okay? We're just casually dating, I don't think it's really going to go anywhere so you don't have to worry."

"Are you remembering to take your pill everyday, sweetie?" Renee asks and Charlie does a spit take.

"Holy shit." I put my head in my hands. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. No talk of birth control or swinging or wife swapping or tampons or whatever you think is polite conversation. Trust me, it isn't."

The slider sounds and Rosalie walks out followed by Edward and Jared. _Fuck_. I jump up quickly but not before the three of them have joined us poolside.

"You look nice," Jared says and I'm a little embarrassed he said it in front of everyone but thank him. I make the introductions and Charlie behaves, but he does invite Jared to sit which is not at all what I wanted to happen.

He and Edward pull chairs over and Rosalie steals my seat, so I have no choice but to sit on Charlie's chair with the rest of them. It's one big weird circle and I wish I had chugged a beer.

Conversation flows according to parental rules. Charlie asks him all the things a good father should. When they talk about what Jared is studying, Edward chimes in about the project I had heard them discussing at the Tasty Dog. It's actually pretty interesting, they have to shoot and edit a short film about something important to them.

"So you'll shoot with a real movie camera and stuff?" I ask.

"Yeah, we get to sign out school equipment and we'll have access to the editing lab."

"What do you think you guys will film?"

Edward leans forward and braces his arms on his knees. "Actually, we think we'd like it to be about the local surfing scene going back a few years. Guys like my dad are really interesting to us. Some of them turned a sport into a profitable way to live, some have let the scene take over. We want to focus on how it's not just a hobby or game, but how it's a lifestyle. Good or bad." Edward clears his throat. "We'd also like you to be involved, Charlie."

"Me?"

"Yeah, we have a few guys lined up from back in the day. All with different stories." Edward mentions some names and Charlie remembers them, so he readily agrees to being on camera.

The three of them get caught up in talking about it and soon enough we're late for our reservation.

"You could just stay here, I have dinner ready. Goulash." Renee says proudly and before I can throw up a warning flare to Jared, he agrees.

"That is, if you don't mind, Bella?"

Yes, I mind. We're going to die. We're way too young to die.

"We could talk to Charlie about the project some more," Edward helpfully chimes in and when I look at him his eyes dart to mine and look away quickly. I make a mental note to give him a swift kick in the balls under the table later just as he takes a bite.

"I guess not," I answer, wrinkling my nose.

"Great, shop talk all night." Rosalie gets up and huffs her way into the house. Edward doesn't say a word, but the daggers he's staring at her back speak volumes. I _really_ don't get why he puts up with her.

Dinner is fine. I push the salt towards Jared repeatedly and he seems to get the hint. He's nice though, even asks for seconds which is as foreign to Renee as it is to all of us because the show she puts on to give him more is comical.

The guys and Charlie come up with a schedule to sit him down for an interview, and he agrees to take his board out even though he's rusty so they can get some of him and the other surfers recapturing their youth. It will be neat to have Charlie down at the beach, it's been a while.

"Let me know what day, I'll make sure I'm not working so I can watch him wipe out." I smile and nudge Charlie in the arm. "I can help hold your towel or something."

"Yeah? You'd come watch?" Jared seems happy I'm interested.

"Sure! Sounds exciting. I'd like to see how it's all done." I spread my fingers out. "The magic of the movies. Remember me when you're famous."

Edward is staring at Rosalie. I can see the wheels turning. She says nothing - no offer to watch or show any interest whatsoever. Even Renee said she'd like to come watch Charlie be filmed. I bet if it was a movie about a used car lot, Rosalie would be there with bells on.

All of this just intensifies my anger towards both of them and I really don't want to be here anymore. Jared has been nothing but wonderful to me, and I'm shitty for barely giving him a chance because of my infatuation with a guy who puts up with Rosalie's shit.

I slap my hands down on the table. "Well, Renee, that wasn't awful. Congrats. Jared, I'm going to make you buy me some ice cream. Let's go."

He smiles and stands when I do. He shakes hands with Charlie, he and Edward slap five and make plans to head to UCLA to get their rental dates sorted out, and then he makes his way to Renee and grabs her hand. "That was really great, Mrs. Swan, thank you. As much as I've enjoyed all your company tonight, I think I owe Bella that ice cream." He turns to me with a big smile and on impulse, I lean in and kiss him right on the lips in front of everyone.

I grab his hand and pull him through the sliders, yelling goodbye.

"Hold on," Edward says suddenly as a chair scrapes the concrete. "Mind if I join you?"

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** Remember how I mentioned my mother was a "jar and box" cook? That Goulash recipe was, in fact, one of her go-to's. It's actually not bad if you season it enough. She made it at least once a week for lunch.

* * *

**Thanks as always to my best girls, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM. I'd go have ice cream with you any day. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"**Then I look at you, and the world's alright with me****" **_– Bill Withers, "Lovely Day", __peaked at #6 on the Billboard R&B chart and at #30 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in early 1978_

* * *

My life is utterly ridiculous. You can't make this shit up. It's like a bad episode of Three's Company where Mr. Roper crashes Janet's hot date.

I didn't say much on the drive to Frosty Freeze, and I think Jared knows I'm disturbed by the presence of the third wheel sitting across from us at the picnic table.

When he asked if he could come, I could tell Jared didn't know what to say. I immediately said "yes, I mind" but Jared, being the nice guy he is, just couldn't turn him down, especially when he'd already rounded the table and had his keys in his hand.

He didn't ask Rosalie to join him and she didn't volunteer to come along on this weird threesome either. She just sat there, arms crossed and nose red.

I lick my chocolate cone and listen to them talk some more about the film. Now that they've got details nailed down, they seem really excited, and I think that's partly why Jared hasn't politely told Edward to make like an egg and scramble. Even though I'm kind of ticked he invited himself along, I haven't complained. Mostly because I'm a lady, but also because it is pretty interesting listening to them talk about the ins and outs of how they're going to do it. And if I'm being really honest with myself, I would listen to Edward recite the Tasty Dog menu all day long.

Jared gets up to use the men's room and it's just me and Edward eating ice cream. I watch his tongue swipe his rocky road and even though he's awful, I want to lick the chocolate on the side of his chin.

He shuffles his feet and clears his throat as he balls up a napkin. "I'm sorry, I, uh… crashed your date." His eyes are puppy dog wary as he waits for me to say something.

I want to say so many things.

I want to ask him why he left Rosalie at the dinner table, and why he didn't just leave if he didn't want to be there anymore instead of crashing my date? I want to ask him why he's still with Rosalie in the first place, and if he really _doesn't_ see what's going on, why he thinks he deserves a girlfriend that treats him like crap? But I don't. Instead, because there's a part of me that still feels loyal to my step-sister and makes me feel like a creep for wanting him to be rid of her, I blame the only thing that ties me to him.

"Charlie already agreed to do your movie, you didn't have to grease him by keeping up your end of the babysitting Bella train. Which I'm putting a stop to right now, by the way. That emergency brake is being _pulled_."

"I didn't…" Edward's eyes widen and he seems a little angry at my accusation. "I'll say it again, I'm not babysitting you."

"Then why would you even want to join us? I swear, if you're doing this because Charlie gave you five bucks so I don't give Jared road head–"

"Can you _please_ stop saying that?" Edward presses the fingers not holding his cone against his eyes.

"Road. Head." I smirk and throw my napkin towards the garbage can, missing it by a mile.

"I am _begging_ you," he says and gets up to throw out my napkin properly.

"Why? Do you find the term offensive?"

"Bella–" His voice is rough as he shakes his head.

I tap my chin with my finger. "Maybe you prefer blowjob?"

"_Bella_." He stands over me with fire in his eyes. He's so sexy when he's upset.

"Oh wait, you're in college. Maybe you like the scientific term, fellatio."

"Maybe I just don't like hearing YOU say it." His face looks pained and I suck in a deep breath. It hurts me to the bone that he finds me so hideous.

"Well, I know I'm not Rosalie fucking Hale, but some people think I'm not completely offensive."

"Whoa, what's going on here?" Jared comes back and looks between me and Edward. Lord knows what it looks like or if he heard the end of our discussion. Edward is still standing over me, hands clenched while my hands are on the table, ready to slap him.

Edward backs away. "Nothing." His hand goes to his hair and even though he's a prick, it's really hot and I try to maintain my anger and not get lost in daydreams of it being _my_ hands in his hair.

"Nothing worth discussing." I stand and grab Jared's elbow. "Let's go somewhere else, the air here is suddenly _heady_."

Jared looks confused at my emphasis of the word. I can't even imagine what he thinks is going on, but I'm sure it doesn't look like we were having a nice chat about rainbow verses chocolate sprinkles. "Sure." He puts his arm around me. "Edward, I'll call you tomorrow."

I give him a dirty look before turning away. "Bella," Edward calls out as Jared and I make it to his car.

I sigh, trying not to let him see he's made me upset and look back at him. "What?"

He looks regretful, almost apologetic, like he knows he keeps being rude to me. "For the record, I like that you're not Rosalie Hale."

His eyes stay on mine, one side of his mouth lifts up in a sad smile, and I want to stay mad.

But I think he just gave me a compliment.

* * *

The day they choose for Charlie and the guys to surf is a typical Zuma day. Bright sunshine, kids playing, teenagers making out.

Renee and I stand on the sidelines and cheer Charlie on as he takes a couple of runs at the waves before Edward and Jared start shooting. They're all business; checking the light with some scope thing and pointing to the water and the sun and back to the water while they discuss what they're going to do.

Jared's been very patient with me. He was confused after Edward's and my showdown, but he didn't push when he dropped me off at home. I let him give me a sweet goodnight kiss, but ended it before it got heated. It didn't feel right when there were butterflies in my stomach caused by someone else.

I guess I like that I'm not Rosalie Hale, either. She wouldn't feel guilty.

But I _am_ guilty of leading Jared on if I have no intention of seriously dating him. And I know that regardless of the fact that my crush on Edward is one-sided, I can't see myself letting anyone else take the place of the guy I dream about at night until I figure out how to get over him. But maybe Jared _is_ the way. I'm as dazed and confused as Led Zeppelin.

I'm trying not to watch Edward with the big movie camera he's got perched on his shoulder. It looks heavy, but he's handling it fine, his muscles are bulging under his white shirt as he fiddles with the lens and points it towards where Jared tells him to.

A small group of girls stop by and ask questions of the guys while twirling their hair and adjusting the strings on barely-there bikinis, and I smile when I see neither Jared or Edward spend much time talking to them. It makes me happy they seem so focused, and maybe they will win an Oscar one day and I can say I knew them when.

"My husband still has moves," Renee says next to me.

Ick, but I smile at her and agree. Charlie looks great out there, he's still able to handle his bottom turns and closeouts without a second thought. Maybe when he's done he'll agree to surf a bit more with me because I'm jealous and the sun is starting to make my hair stick to my neck.

The guys start filming and they capture Charlie, Carlisle, and two other surfers they've asked to be a part of their story hug and talk as they reunite. It was like time stopped for them, their language lapsing into surfer-speak and shakas, as they recall old stories.

Who rode the biggest wave, who performed the best cutback, and who bagged the best floater.

Eventually they head out to the water. Up and over the waves they go repeatedly while Edward films and Jared directs. They get real close to the water with the equipment, and at one point, Jared pushes Edward out as he straddles a board. I hold my breath hoping he doesn't drop the camera in the water, but he's successful in getting a closeup of Charlie coming out of a curl and I let it out in a whoosh.

They film back on the sand for a while but start to pack it in when the sun starts to lower in the sky. I do notice Edward pointing the camera back to the water even though no one is on it, capturing the blues and purples and pinks, and I hope a little part of him thought of me while he did.

I smile at Jared and tell him it was fun to watch. I'm not upset when he tells me he has to head to his grandmother's for the evening, squashing any hopes he had for a night out with me. It makes me feel even worse that he seems truly upset about it, but I just tell him to go ahead and don't commit to plans for the future when he tries to bring it up.

Charlie tells me he'll come out surfing with me another time, he and the guys are going to keep the reunion going and round up the wives for dinner.

"Can you drop me home first? You have to shower, right?"

"Actually, we're just going to head over to the Fish Bait." It's an old school joint, where they used to sit outside after surfing, wet suits and all. It's on the other side of the beach within walking distance so they're not even going to the car. "Maybe Edward can take you?"

My eyes bulge out of my head. I highly doubt he wants to take me home, especially after a long day. He's probably exhausted. "That's okay, I'm sure someone at Tasty Dog will take me."

"I can take her." Edward steps up behind me and smiles at Charlie. "It's the least I can do after today. We got some really great stuff. Let me repay the favor."

"So now I'm payment for a favor? Great." Charlie just chuckles and shakes Edward's hand before leading Renee away.

"You ready?" he asks as he picks up the camera case and reaches for another.

"I got it." I pick up the container at his feet. I'm feeling a little awkward, I haven't seen Edward since we got into that weird fight. I make a mental note to avoid any use of the words road and head.

We walk across the sand, the case bumping me in the thigh as it's heavier than it appeared. Edward laughs when he tries to grab it from me, but I swing it away.

"I'm stronger than I look," I say but my grunt says otherwise.

"Just put it down over here," he points to a spot next to the Surf Shop. "I'll grab the car."

I pop a squat on the bench outside the shop and Mr. and Mrs. Cullen come out, locking the door behind them. Mrs. Cullen always looks like she could be on _Dallas_. She's very glamorous with her shoulder pads and perfect hair, and it's funny to me she married a beach bum. "Hi, Bella!" she calls out and I stand to hug her.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen. Going to dinner with the groms?"

"Yes! It'll be great to catch up with Renee, we haven't been out to the pool since last summer!"

I squelch the urge to picture Carlisle and Esme getting it on in Charlie and Renee's grotto. "At least she's not cooking, right?" I make an exaggerated wink just as Edward pulls up in the Jeep.

"I'll encourage her to bring you home some leftovers." She pats me on the arm and hugs Edward when he walks over. "Have you eaten at all today?"

"I had some fries around noon," he says as he picks up the camera case.

"Make sure you eat something, all right? You kids have fun!" They sashay off and I'm wondering why they would think we'd hang out and have said fun.

He loads the second box in the back and motions to the car, looking a little nervous. Maybe he's waiting for me to yell at him again. "Uh, you hungry? Now that Mom mentioned it, I'm starving."

Eat? With Edward? Like, alone?

"I could eat." I'm as smooth as Isaac on _The Love Boat_.

He starts up the Jeep and I climb in. The last time I was in here it was dark out, but now, with the sun hitting our eyes low and Edward glowing gold in the late day sun, I finally feel like I know what all those Beach Boys songs are about.

My hair whips around and I take my flip flops off, hanging my feet out the side. I look at Edward to see if he minds, but he just smiles lazily back at me and kicks off his own, propping his left foot up on the door frame.

I try to hold back my giddiness. I have to remind myself that I am _not_ part of a classic California young couple that kids in the Midwest are jealous of as they look at their _Tiger_ _Beat_ magazines, even if I feel like it in the moment. I wonder if Rosalie ever feels high sitting next to him like this. Like the entire world has slowed down to let us enjoy being in the moment.

"What are you in the mood for?" Edward rouses me from my haze and turns the stereo down.

"Anything. Pizza or whatever is fine."

Edward hums and drives a while before pulling into a lot. "Ever had sushi?"

"You mean like raw fish?" My mouth opens in horror. "What are ya tryin' to do, make me sick?!" Edward laughs and I'm happy he got my bad impression of Roseanne Roseannadanna.

"Yeah, it's great. You'll love it."

"I thought they only had sushi in exotic places on TV."

"You don't think Malibu is exotic?"

"No, I've lived here my whole life." He opens the door to the restaurant for me, and I duck my head so he can't see me blush and smile like a loon. The hostess seats us and we look at our menus. "What's your favorite place you've lived?"

He takes a sip of water and thinks. "Probably Australia. It's beautiful and the waves are unbelievable." He gets a wistful look on his face. "You can ride a curl so high you think you're closer to the clouds than to the ground."

"Sounds wonderful."

"I'd love to get back there someday, film it."

"I bet you will. You seem to really like being in control of the camera."

"I really do. It's cool to have something you see in your head manifest onto a screen for others to see the way you see it." He fiddles with his wood chopsticks. "Like the color today at sunset. The same sky you and I saw when we were out. I wanted to capture it the way I saw it that day." He looks up and it could be my imagination, but his eyes seem bluer than I've ever seen them.

I swallow, butterflies nosediving in my stomach. "You get very passionate when you speak about filmmaking."

"I'm passionate about a lot of things." He's never held my stare so long, never so intently, and I might be crazy, but I think I feel a shift in the air between us. I watch his throat bob as he swallows, like he's about to say something.

"Are you ready to order?" A smiling Asian woman stands over us holding a notepad.

"Um…" I look from the waitress to the menu to Edward.

"Mind if I order for you?" Edward asks, and when I nod, he orders a bunch of stuff she writes down and two Cokes.

The waitress leaves and Edward smiles at me. "Don't worry, I didn't order you anything really gross."

I shrug. "I trust you."

He looks happy about that and slides down in his chair a bit, taking on the laid-back surfer vibe he usually exudes. I don't know if I'm sad or relieved the mood of moments ago left with the waitress. We're just two buddies about to share food that should not ever be eaten without being cooked.

We talk about today's shoot, where else he's lived, UCLA. He asks me about what it is I want to do and doesn't seem to find it ridiculous when I answer that I have no idea. He just encourages me to try new things and see if there's anything out there that makes me happy. "Find _your_ passion," he says, and it's all I can do to not tell him right there that if I could major in Edward, then that would be it.

The food arrives and he coaches me on what's in front of me and what to do with the green stuff that looks like Play Doh. It's a messy endeavor at first to keep the rolls intact and the sushi all together with the rice while not ending up in pieces on my plate, but he commends me for my go-for-it attitude.

I like some of the fish more than others, but I try it all. There is soy sauce all over the table and some on my shirt, there's bits of rice scattered about and I'm pretty sure I have wasabi in my hair, but by the end of the meal, we're laughing and talking like we've hung out like this a million times.

As I get out of his car in front of my house, I'm half expecting him to burn rubber like last time, but he just sits there, engine idling. The night is still warm, the streetlight over us makes everything yellow and in the distance I can hear someone's backyard party. I want to remember this night in every detail because the chances of it happening again are small.

I clap my hands together. "Well, that was surprisingly good. Thanks for taking me."

"Thanks for coming with me. I…" he looks at his thumb tapping a beat against the steering wheel. "Next time we'll have to try something else you've never had before."

_Next time_.

I'm positive my face is as red as the surfboard hanging out the back of his car.

"I'm game for anything as long as Renee hasn't touched it."

He laughs with his head back and I grin like a fool. "It's a date." He smiles and drives off, leaving me staring after him in the driveway.

A deep warmth invades my whole body and my stomach somersaults.

I'm pretty sure it's from Edward and not the sushi.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact 1:** Fun facts all about the TV shows mentioned this week! My friend Claire would come over every Saturday night to watch The Love Boat and then Fantasy Island because we weren't old enough to go anywhere else. We thought her staying over until eleven o'clock was grown-up. She'd then make me walk her home (two houses away) because she was scared. She made me do this until we were about twenty if she was ever over late.

**PB Fun Fact 2: **I would lie on my brother's bed on Saturday nights and try to keep my eyes open during Saturday Night Live while he and my sister watched it (he had a small B&W TV in his room). I never made it, and was always curious about how it ended. I finally stayed up one night and when I saw them all just milling about talking to the host as the credits rolled, I thought I'd been allowed into a secret society. It was a crowning moment :)

* * *

**Thanks to my very own versions of groms, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM.**

**(BTW, you never get to see the other side of this process, but these two crack me up with their comments and their own memories and recollections this fic is bringing up for them. Boogie on, girls, love you both!)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone! I must apologize for not answering reviews this week! Forgive me...**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"**For you are a magnet and I am steel"**_– Walter Egan, "Magnet and Steel", __released in May 1978, It reached number eight on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100_

* * *

I'm still giddy with an Edward high the next day as Alice, Angela, and I lay on the sand applying Bain de Soleil oil all over our bodies until we're frying like tater tots.

Alice keeps rolling the dial on our little transistor between KROQ and KHJ because she can't decide what to listen to. "Alice, you're going to wear out the batteries. Just leave Shadoe Stevens on." I spread my fingers out on the towel beneath me so that I don't have any pale spots.

"Fine," she huffs, and rolls over onto her back. She's been moody all day, but I'm glad she came out to the beach, we haven't really seen much of her lately. We're lined up in a row, trying to look good while we sweat. "I'm hungry," Alice pipes up from her Ziggy towel. "Anyone want anything?"

Angela and I decline so Alice makes her way to the Tasty Dog alone. "What's with her today?" she asks me.

"I don't know, she's been restless all morning. Maybe her folks are fighting again."

Angela hums in agreement and we lull into silence, enjoying the sounds of seagulls, screaming kids, and Top 40 radio on this beautiful day.

My mind fills with Edward, as it normally does. Instead of just having fantasies, I have actual footage to play over and over in my head. I can't stop wondering about when we'll hang out again, if we actually do. He might've just said 'next time' because it seemed like the polite thing to do, or a thing you say when you don't really know what to say at all and want to leave. Surely Rosalie wouldn't be too keen on the idea of us hanging out, but I push that thought away. She doesn't get to have any say on who Edward hangs out with if she's going to continue to be shady.

Besides, it's not like he has any feelings towards me in return. Maybe we can be pals.

"Uh, what are you smiling at?" Angela is hovering over me when I open an eye to look at her.

Busted. "Nothing?"

"You're laying there smiling like a fool." She pulls her sunglasses down her nose to peer at me. "Did you get high without me?"

"No!" I laugh and push her away from me, my hand sliding off her oil-covered arm. "Don't get sand on me."

"Would this have anything to do with Jared?" She sing-songs and my smile drops instantly. She eyes me warily. "Guess not."

I sigh, climbing on an elbow and craning my neck to see if Alice is around. I tell Angela everything I've kept to myself the last few days. The strain between Rosalie and Edward, the anger I had towards both of them, the ice cream threesome and the sushi.

We sit in silence for a minute, looking at the waves and ducking from the errant frisbee that heads our way. "I think I'm going to put a halt on Jared. I just don't like him that way. He's nice, but…"

"He's not Edward," she finishes and I just nod, grateful that she isn't lecturing me about it– calling me an idiot and making me feel bad that I like someone that doesn't like me back.

Alice returns with enough food to feed an army so we help her eat some fries and nachos while we point out cute boys and gossip about the girls we know acting like fools in front of some volleyball players.

After a while, Angela and Alice lay down on their stomachs to tan their backs, but I search out the waves, knowing I'm looking for a familiar head of hair. The surfers are too far out for me to tell who is who, so I just scope out the beach and fight the urge to walk to Cullen's and casually shop for sunglasses I don't need just to see if he's working.

I'm surprised I don't see Rosalie hanging out with Lauren and Jessica, who are over on a blanket surrounded by guys and laughing like they've been hitting the gas at the dentist. Rosalie is the sun's number one worshipper, but I guess she could be hanging by the pool with Renee.

Or she could be with Edward, her boyfriend. I try to tamp down my irrationally jealous thoughts because it shouldn't be my concern if she's with him or not. He's not mine to worry about.

I lie back down and try to clear my head of all thoughts and meditate. I'm successful for a while until Alice groans. "I think I'm gonna hurl." She sits up and rubs her stomach, a sick look on her face.

I'm not surprised, the amount of food and combination she just ate for a girl her size was world-record worthy. "Do you want me to take you to Tasty Dog? Use the bathroom?" I ask, concerned.

"No, I think I'm just gonna go. It's probably too much sun." Angela and I nod as she gets up holding her stomach. We watch her as she gathers her stuff and trots off slowly across the sand.

"Is it just me or is Alice finding any excuse lately to not hang out with us?" Angela asks, a sad lilt to her voice.

I don't answer as I continue to watch her cross the beach, my heart clenching a little bit in agreement.

* * *

Ending things with Jared isn't as uncomfortable as I thought it was going to be. Like everything else with him, he's nice about it and just says he wishes things could be different. I'm glad we never got too involved, because the awkwardness if I ever see him will be less because he never felt me up.

He asked me if it was him, and I said the line no one believes, "It's me, not you" but this time that is true. It's _all_ me. Well, and Edward, but only as far as he is a thing taking up room in my heart.

When he got up from eating the burger I gave him free out of guilt, he hugged me and said we'd remain friends, and I told him I'd still come to his short film debut and cheer him on whole-heartedly.

A few days after that, I'm at Tasty Dog with the cook's son again cause Alice is still sick. I tried to call her the night she left the beach early, but there was no answer at her house. I really hope everything is okay and plan to stop by as soon as I can, but part of me wonders if she's avoiding me for some reason. But Angela didn't have any luck either, so who knows.

Between having to clean up after jerky teenagers, waiting on screaming kids, and stepping in spilled ketchup, I'm about ready to go home sick myself. I have no idea why I thought working this summer would be a good idea. I barely have enough to buy a car, and even if I could afford one, there's no way I'm going to the used car lot anytime soon. I don't care if Rosalie could get me a deep discount.

The only thing that's kept me moving today has been the few glimpses of Edward I've caught with my stellar stalker eyes. He's working in the shop today, and Carlisle has him moving boards in and out of the shop to rotate on the sales racks. He's got no shirt on, and I think I'll send Carlisle a basket of onion rings as a thank you.

There's a lull towards the end of the day and the shadows from the awning have cooled down the window counter, so I lean out and take a break, letting the ocean breeze cool off my sweaty skin and bad attitude.

I close my eyes and try to breathe in the salty ocean air, but mostly just mustard and relish hit my nose and it makes me angry and frown like Oscar the Grouch.

I am _so_ going to quit.

"You okay? You look like you're about to jump. Or be sick."

Internally, my eyes widen and my jaw drops. My heart does the Hustle and my feet move like John Travolta. I open one eye to see Edward is throwing that smirk at me, one elbow leaning on the counter while his hair ruffles in the breeze.

"Hey," I reply casually like I'm not about to become Freddie Mercury and sing "We Are the Champions" as loud as possible because he's actually standing at my counter talking to me and not slinking away without a look.

"You have a piece of straw wrapper in your hair." I'm completely mortified as I stand quickly and thrust my hands into my hair. "Here, let me." He reaches across the window, but I have to lean out so he can reach. I tilt my head down and see my boobs being squished invitingly under my bikini top and I hope he notices.

"Uh, thanks." I take the wrapper from him and hastily throw it to the floor behind me, hoping its disappearance erases this moment from his mind forever.

"Tough day?" He leans fully on the counter in front of me, his bare chest teasing me with how perfect it is when so close.

"You have no idea. Alice called out sick and Jimmy over there is basically useless." We look over to the kid and he's busy popping zits in the reflection from the napkin dispenser. "How was your day?" I ask, and I'm reeling from just how normal this conversation is going.

"Dad had me organizing the stockroom. It was brutal." He smiles despite his crap day and mine is suddenly one hundred percent brighter.

"You want a Coke or something?"

"I was gonna grab a bite, but I have a better idea." He leans in a bit more towards me, and whispers. "You wanna get out of here? I won't tell your dad." He gives me that lopsided grin.

Starsky & Hutch don't move as fast as me as I grab my bag and hoist myself up and over the counter. I throw my apron onto the top and tell the cook and Jimmy that I'm leaving for the day. Their protests fall on deaf ears as I turn to Edward.

"Calgon, take me away."

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** My mother never let me or my sister have bubble baths/Calgon baths or whatever. She said it wasn't good for that stuff to get inside us. So no, to this day, I've still never had a bubble bath.

* * *

**Thanks to the two girls I'd slather sunscreen on with and lay out all day, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I am a semi-failure. I only got to answer about 90% of your reviews this week. Now that summer is coming to a close, I expect to have much more time to devote to you. Just know I read and love each and every word and memory you send me!**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"**I got chills, they're multiplying."**_– John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, "You're the One that I Want", __In the U.S. the single reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and on July 18 was certified Platinum for shipments exceeding 2 million copies._

* * *

We're driving down PCH and I don't care that I'm probably fired. The day, the setting, the _guy_ is as perfect as Eddie Van Halen's guitar licks, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it, bank account and work ethic be damned.

Besides being really hot and bedroom-poster worthy, I find I actually _like_ him the more I spend time with him. He's smart and funny, creative and hard-working, kind and gentle. He literally helped an old lady cross the beach access road like a Boy Scout, for Christ's sake, when we were walking to his car. I'm still curious to know why the shift in his attitude towards me after all this time, but I'm not stupid enough to ruin any second of it with the list of questions piling up in my head like Barbara Walters.

And even though I try to not think about Rosalie while we're flying down the highway on this beautiful July day, figuring out just what the fuck he's still doing with her floats to the front of my mind against my will. I guess it's possible it's all for sex–Rosalie is absolutely gorgeous and men drool over her–but I really don't get that vibe from him.

And I know he's not in it for the stellar conversation, so I'm at a loss.

"I have to drop the equipment off at school, is that cool?" he asks as his hair bends in the breeze from the moving Jeep. "It's about a forty-minute drive, I should've asked you before I kidnapped you." He actually bumps my shoulder with his elbow and I want to faint he's acting so chummy.

Forty minutes? Almost a whole hour? Just me and him and my ability to pretend we're a picture-perfect couple even if it's harmful to my psyche and heart? "No problem." I tuck my list of questions to the back of my head and prop my feet on the dash.

I watch the ocean on my right as The Police play in the 8-track. "So if you're dropping off the equipment, does that mean you're done with the movie?"

"No, we have to edit, which takes much longer. Shooting is the easy part, now we have to put it together so it doesn't suck." He laughs, but I can tell he's half-serious when his hand combs through his hair nervously.

I wave a hand at him. "It's going to be great." I lean my head back on the seat and look at him, trying not to appear starry-eyed.

He peeks at me from over his Ray Bans. "Oh yeah? How do you know?"

_Because you're perfect._ "Because you're really serious about it. You won't half-ass it."

"Being serious about it doesn't mean I'm any good at it." The shifting of his eyes tells me he's a little unsure he should've admitted that, or at least that he admitted it to _me_.

I want to push him to open up to me but don't want him to clam up instead, regretful he's showed me this side to him. I think for a moment and turn a little in my seat. "Edward, do you think you have an interesting subject?"

"Yes."

"Do you think you have an interesting point of view?"

"Yes."

"Do you think the shots you took are visually appealing?"

At that, he nods emphatically. "Yes."

I shrug. "Then don't worry about it and trust your gut."

He doesn't say anything to that and I think the conversation is over as we lapse into silence and let the music fill the space. He clears his throat and when I look back to him, he's looking at me with those fierce, blue eyes. "Trusting your gut can be a scary proposition."

I swallow. "It doesn't have to be." _My_ gut is telling me he's not talking about the movie, but I don't want to make a fool of myself, pining away for my step-sister's boyfriend thinking I even have a chance, so I stay on-topic.

"You know Charlie and I will be there when you debut it. Front row. I'll walk the red carpet as Charlie's date in a stunning gown."

"Why Charlie?"

I speak without thinking. "Because I don't have a fella."

"What about Jared?"

"Uh. I know he's your friend, but… he's nice, but I don't… I ended it," I stutter, a little guilty I'm talking about the guy I just broke up with to his buddy. "I don't know that we were anything more than two people that went out on a few dates."

"You don't have feelings for him?"

The only feeling I have right now is awkwardness at this conversation, but if Edward and I are going to be friends, this is what friends discuss, right? Even if he is a dude. "I don't, no. That makes me a jerk, doesn't it? Because I couldn't reciprocate?"

He laughs, a little smile creeping across his face as he rubs his chin. "No, it doesn't make you a jerk. But I'm surprised, girls like it when guys are into them."

A ladylike snort escapes me. "Trust me, no one is _into_ me." I use air quotes like I've seen them do on TV.

Edward sighs as he flips his sunglasses back over his eyes. "You might be surprised."

* * *

UCLA is super cool. The campus is large and has a lot of green lawns with kids sitting around even though it's summer. There's a lot of frisbee tossing and a game with a little ball some surfer-type guys are kicking around that Edward tells me is a Hacky Sack. It looks like the kind of stupid thing the skateboarders would be into. I'll have to make sure to tell Ben about it.

We make our way to the Theater, Film and Television building, and I help Edward get the equipment out of the car and carry it up the walk. The room he takes me into is filled with black boxes of all shapes and sizes, and he signs a piece of paper with the student there after he checks out that all the equipment is okay. We then drop off his film with the processing lab, which will take his negative film and make it into a 'working print'.

After that's done, Edward starts making his way down the hall to the car, so I ask him to show me around some more.

"You want a tour?" he says, one eyebrow quirked.

"Sure. This is cool." I'm looking at some posters on the wall advertising student film showings, some plays, and a lot of flyers searching for actors.

"Hmm. Okay. Let's go to the editing bay." He leads me down a corridor and opens a door, turning the light on overhead. It's a completely windowless room, which makes sense in a film school I guess. There are a bunch of different stations set up with reels of film and instruments used to cut the film.

"You mean you have to cut and tape little pieces of film together to get a movie? One by one?"

He laughs and holds up a strip from the floor. "Yup. That's how the term 'on the cutting room floor' came about. It's literally cutting an actor or scene from a movie."

I take it from his outstretched hand and hold it up to the light like he did. It's hard to see the individual scenes, but it looks like the negatives that comes in the envelopes when Charlie gets his pictures back from the Fotomat. "Wow. This seems really… hard."

"It is, but our editor is really good, so hopefully that works out."

"Who tells him what you want?"

"Mostly Jared–" he pauses mid-sentence and looks at me, but I just smile, encouraging him. "Jared will tell him what shots he wants and what order, all that, I'll be there too, giving my two cents."

"I can't wait to see it."

He runs his hand through his hair. "I can show you something else I did, if you want."

My eyes go wide. "Yes! I'd love to see it." He smiles huge and takes me to another room, this one set up with chairs and screens. He goes to a wall and looks through a bunch of metal canisters, before slipping one out of place.

"This is something I shot last semester. It's just a four-minute short I did the cinematography on for another guy's project."

Edward expertly loops the film through a bunch of gears on a projector. "Someday, they say film is going to be replaced digitally. I don't buy it. They have video now, which is similar, but I can't see there never being any actual film."

Edward walks to the light switch. "Ready?" I nod enthusiastically and the lights go out. He starts the projector, and in front of me on a white screen, the movie starts.

It's a movie with no dialogue, just music, about a guy looking for his hat. It's very artsy and moody, all long shots of him walking down streets forlorn. I try to concentrate on the individual shots to recognize what Edward has done, but I get swept up in the story even though it's not really about much.

When it's over, Edward flips the light on and looks at me, waiting.

"That was really good," I say. "It was… beautiful and sad, which is weird because it was just about a guy who lost something. But I felt bad for him."

Edward beams. "Yeah? You liked it?" When I nod, he continues. "The fact that you felt anything at all speaks volumes."

"I tried to look at the cinematography, but I kind of got caught up in the story, sorry."

"No! That's perfect. You shouldn't really be able to focus on the technical if a movie is shot right. It should just make you feel." He looks so happy, I'm ecstatic that my praise brought this emotion out in him.

"Well, after seeing that, I _know_ your surfing movie is going to be a huge success!"

He's still smiling as he unspools the film and tells me about a few other things he's worked on. I'm impressed that older students seek him out to work on their projects.

We leave the room and make our way back to the car, Edward talking the whole time about movies, what he wants to accomplish and about some ideas he has for things he'd like to produce as well. He's very animated as he talks, and it's a side of him I'm so happy he seems comfortable enough with me to let out. I get caught up in his enthusiasm and ask a bunch of questions while we drive away from the campus.

"Do you have something you need to get back for?"

_Do_ _you_? I think about Rosalie sitting at the dinner table waiting for him. "I think tonight is pea soup night, so that's a definite no." He laughs, and starts driving towards Santa Monica. I know this is the perfect time to start asking some questions about the status of his relationship with my step-sister, but I really don't want to make him mad or uncomfortable, or cut this night short. I'm just setting myself up, I know, getting my hopes up that we'll continue to hang out, when the huge elephant in the room known as Rosalie's fat ass is sitting right there in the backseat.

"How does a falafel sound? There's a great place on the pier."

"Falafel?"

"Tell me you never had a falafel?"

"I never had a falafel."

"Blasphemy. We really need to start expanding your horizons when it comes to food."

"As soon as Renee came in the picture, I was done for." I laugh and follow him out of the Jeep.

He orders two falafel's and two Cokes which he insists on paying for, and leads me to a bench. "So, I don't really know much about your life before your dad married Renee."

I peel back the wrapping and look at the foreign food. Doesn't look too scary, it's certainly more appealing than Renee's soup. "Um…"

"I'm sorry, maybe you don't want to talk about it. With me, at least." Edward takes a bite and I pull away from watching his mouth move.

"No, it's okay. Just don't know that it's all that interesting. My mom died when I was six, and it was just Charlie and me. Then he met Renee and we moved into their house when they got married."

"I'm sorry about your mom. I know she died, I don't really know how though."

"She had cancer. I don't really remember a lot of it, they tried to shield me from it. I just thought she had a cold for a long time until they told me what was going on." Images of my mom flash in front of my eyes, errant memories and long-ago moments. "She used to sing to me, she'd sing when I'd start falling asleep and rub my back. I couldn't sleep until she did that. I remember her taking me to the big department store for lunch, where you'd have to wear a dress and a hat, and then we'd shop for whatever she needed. She always picked up something for Charlie… a tie, or socks. I remember them going out fancy at night and I'd just look at her in a long dress, thinking she was the prettiest mom anyone ever had." I shrug, lost in thought. "They seemed happy, from what I remember."

"It must've been tough… not having a mother." I nod and take a bite. "You get along with Renee?"

"I do. Renee is crazy, but she's harmless. She's nice to me, doesn't try to be my mom, but if I needed one, I guess I could go to her. She seems to make Charlie happy, so that's good enough for me." I'm waiting for the inevitable next question, about Rosalie and how that was getting an instant sister, but it never comes. Maybe he's afraid to bring her into this, too.

The air is dense with my past life, and I don't want to go down that sad, poor-me road. "Can I ask you something that's been bothering me for a long time?" I pull the wrap further away from my food and toy with a piece of lettuce.

Edward puts his food down and faces me fully. "Shoot."

"Is your stomach made of lead? Between Renee's food and this… thing I don't know how you manage to keep it down."

"I take it you're not impressed with your dinner."

"It's not a falafel, it's a feel-awful." Edward throws back his head in a bark of laughter before standing and grabbing my wrapper, throwing it in the trash next to us.

"Sorry about that. Let's get you something else."

"I'm fine."

"I insist. I can't make you go home and eat whatever is brewing there, so… what'll it be?" He throws out his own food after taking another bite.

"Can we just have something normal, like a slice?"

"We can." Edward holds out his hand to me like it's the most natural thing in the world, but while I'm staring at it, debating whether or not to grab it, he pulls back. "Uh, there's a good place a little further down." He turns and shoves his hands in his pockets.

It must've just been instinct, to help pull me up from the bench. My fingers are ghost-tingling, wishing they'd just moved instead of being freaked out. I get up and follow him, trying to think of something to say to remove the awkwardness. I come up short, so I just end up walking down the pier, admiring the sunset while he points out people doing tricks on roller skates.

He gets two slices of pepperoni at a stand and we walk to the railing, eating off the plates while leaning on the wood. "Now this," I say and bump his arm with my shoulder. "This is food."

He laughs, but it's not the barking laugh from before. "So what's your all-time favorite movie?" I ask, hoping to return to the ease between us we've had all afternoon.

"Hmmm." He takes a bite, basically inhaling the whole slice as he thinks. His knit-brow concentration look is very cute. "If I'm going off of pure style and genius in a film, probably _A Clockwork Orange_."

I oooh in agreement. "That's a great one." He looks pleased I know it.

"But if I had to pick something solely on enjoyment, then it's _Corvette Summer_." He nods and takes another bite.

"_Corvette Summer_?" I screech. "You've got to be joking. That's the worst film this year! Mark Hamill really picked a loser after Star Wars. You can't be serious."

Edward puts a hand over his heart. "You're mocking me? The girl that thought _Ode to Billy Joe_ was the best romance ever?"

My head jerks back in surprise. "How do you know that?"

He shrugs. "You said it at dinner one night. You thought Robby Benson was hot. Which he isn't, by the way."

I'm stunned. Absolutely floored. "You remember that?"

He looks at me, then down to his paper plate as he folds it in half. "I remember everything you say." His eyes return to mine, which must be as large as my own paper plate. "What?"

"I… you never spoke to me. I thought you didn't listen to anything I said, like I was annoying or something."

He turns to face me, his hair blowing gently in the breeze and covering one eye. "I never thought you were annoying."

"Then why…" He steps closer to me, and I stop breathing. "Why were you always ignoring me?"

"Bella, I… I'm aware of everything you do, I listen to everything you say." My heart beats double time as Edward lifts his hand slowly and gently touches my cheek with the back of it, his fingers giving me goosebumps as they brush my skin. I watch his throat bob as he swallows.

I feel like he's going to kiss me. I keep my eyes on his, trying to read the expression on his face. His eyes move back and forth across mine, as I wait for him to do _something _so I can breathe again.

Instead, he steps away, and my cheek cries out for his touch to return. He looks out over the water. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah." My head is swimming and my throat is dry.

Fucking Rosalie.

I follow him to the Jeep and we drive silently away from the pier. I sigh, and try to not focus on what just almost happened, but it's hard. My heart's still beating super fast and the adrenaline from being touched by him is racing throughout my body trying to escape. I try to see if he's affected at all by what he did, and out of the corner of my eye I see him glancing at me a few times, swallowing, and opening his mouth like he wants to say something.

But nothing ever comes.

Eventually, we stop at a light and he starts reaching towards me. But his aim is the glove compartment. The 8-track we'd been listening to is over, so he flips it open to get another.

What he pulls out instead is the brush, covered in Rosalie's hair.

He looks at it like he's never seen it before.

And promptly tosses it out of the car.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact #1:** I've never had a falafel.

**PB Fun Fact #2:** The most excited I've ever seen my sister is the night _Ode to Billy Joe _finally appeared on the ABC Sunday Night Movie.

**PB Fun Fact #3:** If ever there was a day that I wasn't in school and my siblings were for some reason, my mom would take me to Bambergers department store (I had to wear a dress) and then we'd go over and have lunch at what I thought was the fanciest restaurant ever, The Magic Pan, where we'd get crepes. It was in the mall, so my perception of fancy was obviously skewed.

* * *

**Thanks as always to my girls, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM. I will never throw you out of the car.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"**Burn baby burn, burn that mother down."**_– The Trammps, "Disco Inferno", __it reached number-one on the US Billboard Dance Club Songs chart in early 1977, but had limited mainstream success until 1978, after being included on the soundtrack to the 1977 film Saturday Night Fever, when a re-release hit number eleven on the Billboard Hot 100 chart._

* * *

I'm mooning in the mirror the next day before my shower, smiling like a fool.

Even though Edward didn't kiss me, I know in my heart he wanted to. My cheek is still warm where he touched it, and I feel like Marcia Brady when Davy Jones kisses her cheek after the dance–I'm never washing it again.

I'm still in awe that he's actually been listening to me these past few months. Here I thought he just zoned me out or was bothered by my presence this whole time, but actually, he maybe found me interesting. My whole brain is warning me that I'm doing something harmful by hanging out with him, by forming a connection, but I can't seem to care all that much. Even if it makes me an idiot.

If he was that close to kissing me, he's got to do something about the situation with Rosalie even if he doesn't like me in that way. He's not the kind of guy to go and kiss someone else while he has a girlfriend.

And the brush. _The_ _brush!_

I sigh, closing my eyes and reliving the moment he tossed that thing right out into the middle of the highway. That _has_ to mean something, and I hope it means he's going to end it with her.

I can't even dare to imagine that if he does, a small part might be because of me.

I spend half an hour twirling around my room and dancing to the radio, replaying the night in my head over and over again. The way he looked at me, the way he _touched_ me…. Ugh, I can hardly stand it.

I'm as high as Cheech and Chong.

Angela picks me up in her mother's car around lunchtime, and we head to Mac's to get a bite. We called Alice to see if she was up for it, but she just said no, she had to run errands with her mother but promised us she'd hang out soon. At least she seems to be feeling better.

We chow down on burgers, fries, and chocolate milkshakes while we gossip about everyone we know and make plans to see _Grease_ for the fifth time.

Angela takes a big slurp of her shake. "So, Ben's car got hit in the lot last night." She nods towards the outside. "Scraped up the whole right fender."

"Oh shit, that sucks."

"Yeah, the guy drove off, but Edward managed to get his plates."

"Edward?"

"Yeah, he and Rosalie were sitting at the table closest to Ben's car. He was able to read it before the guy peeled out of the lot."

"Edward was here last night? With Rosalie?" My head starts to pound heavy with the blood rushing to my brain, the sound making a whooshing noise in my ears.

After the almost hand holding. After the almost kiss. After the _actual_ cheek touch. He dropped me off and went straight to her.

"Yeah." She nods her head while my stomach sinks, and my burger feels like Renee's chicken cacciatore in my gut.

I don't know what to say. I'm sitting there silently, trying not to let my eyes well up at the information. My face is hot and my hands are sweaty. I have to admit to myself that a little part of me actually thought that maybe, just maybe, he had started to develop some feelings for me.

I _am_ an idiot.

"What's wrong?"

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling so I don't cry. I tell her about the day I spent with Edward, leaving nothing out about my stupid assumptions and incorrect view of his actions. I tell her about my idiotic theory with the brush. When I'm done, I wipe a stray tear with my napkin.

"Huh. Well that might explain it." Angela narrows her eyes and chomps on her straw.

"What?"

"Before Ben's car got hit, it looked like they were fighting."

I wave a hand at her. "They always fight. Doesn't mean anything."

"It might," she says, smiling at me like I need to be coddled.

I shake my head and rest my hand against my forehead. "I can't believe I actually thought for a minute that maybe I stood a chance. I should've known better. I'm such a pathetic jerk."

"You're not. Maybe he _does_ like you."

"He doesn't," I snort.

"He almost kissed you."

"Or I imagined the whole thing."

"Or maybe you didn't."

"Will you stop trying to make me feel better? I knew I was setting myself up by spending time with him. This just proves it. Look how miserable I am right now."

Angela sighs. "Maybe you should just tell him how you feel already and find out for sure."

My eyes bug out at her. "Are you out of your mind?"

She shrugs. "I think you should. The worst thing that could happen is that he tells you he likes you as a friend. At least you'd know."

"No. The worst thing that could happen would be he'd laugh at me, tell Rosalie who would also laugh at me, and I'd have to spend the next year eating dinner in my room until I leave for college as far away as possible."

"I'll smuggle you some McDonald's through your window."

"You're a pal." I push a fry through some ketchup, my appetite completely gone, blown to bits by my stupid heart and destructive crush. "Fuck me, I can never face him again. I'm truly embarrassed."

"What do you have to be embarrassed about? You didn't do anything, _he_ almost did."

"Maybe he was just brushing an eyelash from my face and I was looking at him like a lovesick creep."

"I think you're thinking too much."

"I think I'm not thinking enough." I decide right then and there that I will avoid Edward Cullen for the foreseeable future.

As much as it'll kill me to do so.

* * *

I'm doing my best to ignore anything Cullen related while I'm working the next day, forcing myself to smile and whistle and be nice to the customers. I'm hoping that my 'I don't care' attitude will solidify in my bones until it's actually real.

Jared comes by at one point to grab a bite, and even though it's awkward at first, his easy demeanor smooths everything over and we spend about twenty minutes laughing and talking until the lunch rush begins. I consider asking him if he wants to do something soon, but I worry that it'll send him the wrong message, so I don't and we end up just saying goodbye and see ya later.

I watch him go, sorry I couldn't feel something more for him. At some point, I'm going to have to meet someone, right? I don't want to spend my life living like a nun or god-forbid, in a sad, singles-only apartment complex with a roommate. A Shirley to my Laverne. A Lenny to my Squiggy. A Felix to my Oscar.

Angela is nice enough to forgo some plans with Ben so she can spend a few free afternoons and evenings with me to help me with my mission. We shop over on Mulholland with our meager summer earnings, we go see the new Goldie Hawn movie, _Foul Play, _and Ang even indulges me another day when we get a map to the stars' homes and try to find where Goldie lives because she is my idol.

Despite my bustling schedule and new resolution of an Edward-less life, my subconscious hasn't seemed to get the message. It tells me every time I'm at work for the next week that there's been no sign of him coming in and out of the shop. It hasn't even seen him down by the ocean surfing or just walking by. It makes me overthink like Angela said, and I begin to get paranoid he's avoiding me.

Because even though I want nothing to do with him, I don't want to think that _he_ doesn't want anything to do with _me_, which makes me a hypocrite to the extreme.

Maybe he's decided I am actually in fact annoying and is reverting back to the ignoring Bella aspect of his life.

Maybe he's horrified that he almost kissed me, and maybe he's really grossed out he touched me.

Maybe he had been abducted by aliens and the probe up his butt was forcing him to spend time with me, or they were going to scramble his brain for all of eternity.

I'm not sure which of the three scenarios I've cooked up are worse.

The more time that passes from that moment at the pier, the more my head tells me I imagined it all… but logic be damned, my female intuition is still clinging to the idea that there was _something_ there between us. I try to squash that thought as soon as it arises.

Which is about every three to five minutes, but who's counting.

The other part of my plan is to avoid Rosalie, which goes remarkably well until I'm sitting by the pool in the backyard one day, working on my tan and flipping through Renee's old _Cosmopolitan_.

The patio door slides open and someone is shuffling across the cement towards me. I doubt Charlie came home early from work and Renee is at a ladies auxiliary meeting, which to me, is hilarious. I have it on good authority that all they do is sit around and drink and complain about their husbands while figuring out who they are going to sleep with at the next key swap.

"Mind if I join you?" Rosalie stands over me, towel in hand and bikini bod smokin'.

My mouth turns into a frown and I wonder why she's being so polite. "It's a free pool." I shrug.

She plops down next to me and picks up a magazine, sifting through it. We're silent for a while, just the turning of pages and the gurgle from the pool filter making noise around us.

At one point, she leans over and shows me an ad for a dress that she thinks would look good on me and it hits me hard that I've missed her company. For all the sniping we do at each other, we have had some really good, sisterly kind of moments in the two years we've been forced siblings. We used to do this stuff all the time–poolside chats, makeup sessions, face-mask night… It's not often that we spend any time together anymore where we're not insulting one another, and I'm not sure when or why that changed. Things have been so up and down and all around, I'm either feeling bad for it all or wildly nostalgic, so I make an effort to not be rude to her. We spend an hour or so reading each other articles and testing each other on the stupid quizzes about sex and _What Kind of Career is Right for You!._

I want to bring up the supposed fight at Mac's, but I'm not really sure if what Angela saw was a real fight or just how those two usually communicate anyway, so why ruin a nice, summer day by breaking my new rule of _Edward who_?

She goes in to get a beer and I'm surprised when she comes back and hands me one. I take it and throw the pull tab onto the table between us. We clink Charlie's Budweisers and take long sips between commenting on hair products and shoes.

I take my sunglasses off and turn my face to the sun. Ang wants to put lemon in our hair this weekend for highlights and she says a deeper tan would make them pop more. I sit like that awhile until I'm startled by the sound of a voice I do not recognize saying hi to Rosalie. I look up to see who's blocking my sun and standing right in front of me is Emmett.

In my yard.

"Hey, Emmett," Rosalie says nervously, but turns to me. "This is Bella."

"Well hello, Bella." I don't know if I imagine the leer that comes with the voice or if I just assume it's there with every word he says ever.

"Hi." I sit up and hunch my shoulders a bit so I don't feel so much like I'm in front of creepy used-car guy in nothing but a bathing suit.

"I hope you don't mind," Rosalie says. "He called when I was getting the beer and I invited him over."

"I never heard the phone ring."

"Well, it did. You must've been day dreaming," she says curtly before turning back to Emmett. "Want a beer?"

"Sure." He sits on the end of her lounger and I want to scream to her that hell yes, I mind, and he's not allowed at my house.

He slaps her ass as she gets up to get him one, and she does a weird laughing squeal thing. There's no way in hell I'm sitting out there with him, so I follow. "What's he doing here?" I hiss as soon as the patio door closes behind me.

"He came over for a swim."

"I don't like him, Rosalie. He creeps me out."

"Good thing I don't care what you think."

I feel tears welling up, frustrated that such a good day between us is going to be ruined because of this jerk. Despite knowing I shouldn't, I say something I hope will anger her, the same thing that's angered me for weeks. "What would Edward think of this little friendship?"

It's either what I said or the venom with which I said it, because she whips around, her mouth and eyes ugly as she bites at me. "I don't give a shit what Edward thinks."

"I think he'd like to know that there's a scumbag hitting on you and slapping your ass when he's not around." Having to point that out just makes me angrier.

She snorts loudly and shakes her head. "Trust me, he doesn't give a shit. Besides, you don't know Emmett to have an opinion on him. Get off your pedestal, Bella." She brushes past me to get to the fridge.

"Trust _me_, I know enough about him and that's plenty."

"This is none of your business. None. I can hang out with whoever I want to. Go play with your Barbies or whatever it is you and your little friends do and leave me to the grown-up stuff."

I grab her arm. "Rosalie, I saw that packet on your floor. I know where you got it from. This guy is not a good 'friend' to have. Plus, it _is_ my business if he's in _my_ house."

She pulls her arm away and turns to me, an iciness in her blue eyes. "You think you and Charlie are going to be here forever?" She snorts. "My mother is on husband number three and I'll bet she's already picking out number four. I wouldn't get too comfortable in _your_ house if I were you."

I stare at her as all the air leaves the kitchen. "Fuck. You."

"Grow up, Bella. Not everyone has the perfect little life like you do. Life is about fathers that _leave_ you. Mothers that care more for their new families than they do their own. Life sucks and sometimes you have to make the best of it with what you can."

"And making the best of it is by hanging out with losers and becoming a cokehead?"

Her hand shoots out and slaps me hard across my face. The sting plays a heartbeat in my cheek and my eyes burn with red hot tears.

"What do you care what becomes of me? Your life is perfect. Perfect little Bella Swan. Don't think for one second that I believe you give one shit about me. That any of you gives a shit about me. I'm sure you'd love it if I ran away with him and you got mommy and daddy all to yourself."

I rub my cheek, my eyes falling pitifully on hers. There's a tinge of remorse in her blue eyes, a true sadness, but all I want to do is get away from her. "Rosalie, however much you seem to hate me, I can't think of anything I want _less_ for you than to be mixed up with that guy."

With that, I run to my room to throw on some shorts and stuff a shirt in my bag, slinging it over my head. I don't know where she is when I run out of the house, slamming the door behind me, but if she was still in the kitchen, she didn't try to stop me.

Pulling up short at the sight of Emmett's gold Trans Am in the driveway, my fists clench and all the tears I'd been holding back start flooding down my face. I walk towards the street, determined to get as far away as possible even though I have to hoof it.

As I'm passing his car, I give a nice, swift kick to the rearview mirror and the sound of the crunching metal feels good for about a half a mile until the adrenaline leaves my body.

Screw that Emmett guy and screw Rosalie. I think I'm more angry over what she said about family number four than anything else. It upsets me to think that Renee is already surfing around for someone else because Charlie loves her. I never want to see him hurt. As nuts as she is, he seems really happy and honestly, _I'm_ really happy there. The thought of the family breaking up even if I have a c-word of a step-sister is devastating.

It's hot as hell out, the sun is directly overhead and I'm sure I'm a sight as I'm yelling and crying to nobody as I walk along the busy road for three miles that leads to the stores. No way I'm going to the Gas 'n Gulp right now, and I probably know a bunch of people hanging out at Mac's, but I'm dying of thirst so I go to the pharmacy. I think they have a Coke machine.

The air conditioning feels good. I'm coming down from my anger high, and my exhaustion level after the fight with Rosalie and unplanned workout make me walk through the aisles slowly, looking at ace bandages, stuffed animals, and un-funny greeting cards as the Muzak ringing through the store lulls me into a state of mind-numbing emptiness.

I don't want to go near the counter where the crotchety pharmacist accuses you of stealing if you loiter, so I head around the back of the makeup aisle where they sell the more private items such as condoms, tampons and–

Alice.

She's standing in the aisle looking at something right in front of her, hands up by her mouth, and I can tell she looks nervous. Or scared. Or like she's about to cry.

"Alice?" I approach slowly and whisper her name so the pharmacist doesn't come running over to see what we're about to stuff into our shorts. She jumps at my voice and turns, her big brown eyes welling up with tears.

"What's wrong?" I'm immediately at her side, my hand running up and down her arm. Looking to the left to see what she's standing by, my mouth opens when I see the boxes in front of me.

e.p.t.

early. pregnancy. test.

"Oh, Alice, what…? I don't know how to finish my sentence. Is it for her mother? A friend? ANGELA? I know the answer to all three of these things is no just by looking at her scared-rabbit body language.

Instead of answering me, she sobs loudly and runs away, down the aisle and out the door with the little ringing bell. I chase after her, but when I get out to the street, there's no sign of her. Running to the corner, she's nowhere to be seen and I search the parking lot for any cars I recognize.

Nothing.

Cursing, I start walking in the direction of her house but stop about two blocks away. As bad as I think she needs someone right now, in my state, that person probably isn't me. I consider going in to buy the test for her and leaving it in her mailbox, but I don't even know for sure that's what she was looking at. Maybe she's just got a yeast infection. Closing my eyes, I put my head in my hands and sigh. I hope she's just got a yeast infection. I can't even fathom the who or the why of a pregnancy test.

I forget my thirst and start walking towards the beach. Sitting by the water is the only thing I can think of to do right now. My head is so fucked up and I'm feeling about triple my age with the weight of my world crashing down on me in horrible, twisty, upsetting ways.

I turn to hitch, thumb out and pasted smile on my sweaty face so I don't look so scary as cars fly past me but don't stop. I yell at all of them and it makes me feel better.

One car is Alice. One car is Emmett. About three cars are Rosalie.

I throw a rock at one particular asshole who slowed to whistle at me but didn't pick me up. Obviously, I'm grateful he didn't, but it feels good to scream at his retreating car, so I do.

Turning back around to give it another try, I'm rethinking my plan of possibly getting killed just as a yellow Jeep approaches. A yellow Jeep with a certain non-existent, too-cute boy driving.

This day could _not_ get any worse.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** My mother had a ladies church group she belonged to. They'd go to each other's houses for "meetings". 1. My mother never went to church

2\. My house would be filled with tipsy women when I'd get home from school

3\. I found questionable items a few times after they'd left, like SUPER erotic novels they'd give as gag gifts to each other.

So yeah… not so much churching going on methinks.

**Huge thanks to the girls I'd hang out at the pool with and drink Budweiser, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"**Come out Virginia, don't let 'em wait. You Catholic girls start much too late." **_– Billy Joel, "Only the Good Die Young", Peaked at #24 on Billboard Hot 100 in July, 1978_

* * *

"Bella, what are you doing?"

There's a bodiless voice, coming from somewhere nearby.

"Bella! What are you doing?"

The voice calls louder, trying to rise over the sounds of cars passing. A radio gets turned down, just so the voice can talk some more.

"Hello! Earth to Bella! What do you think you're doing, hitching?"

The voice sounds angry but also mirthful. It's very confusing because as far as I'm concerned, there is no person here to go along with that voice.

"Dammit, Bella."

A yellow Jeep pulls up practically on the curb to cut me off from my trek to the ocean, making me stop short.

I throw my hands in the air, annoyed. "What?" A sort of angry Edward is leaning towards the passenger side, looking at me like I've lost my mind.

"Are you nuts? Hitching? You'll get killed."

"Not such a bad idea today, methinks."

"Don't even joke about that."

"Whatever. Go away, Edward." I walk around the front tire and continue on my way, but he won't let up. He moves the car up a few feet until he's driving slow to match my furious walking pace. At least I think it's furious, I'm actually very tired so I could be strolling for all I know.

"What's eating you?" I hear the smile in his voice and I guess it's not his fault he has no idea that I've decided he doesn't exist anymore.

"Too much to mention. I suggest you drive off and spare yourself the gory details of what my life has become."

The car inches next to me with the crunch of gravel under its tires until the brakes squeal slightly as they stop. "Me driving off so you can get murdered by a trucker isn't an option."

"I really don't want to talk to you right now." I want to yell at you, ask you why you almost kissed me. Ask you why you're still with Rosalie. Scream that you're an idiot if you can't see what's going on right under your nose.

"Too bad. You can't get rid of me that easily." Edward jumps out of the car directly in front of me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

And with that, I let out a sob. I'm done. Finished. I can't stop thinking about Rosalie and Emmett and Alice and him and what I know and what he might not and I'm about to–

"Hey. Look at me." I feel his hands on my arms and he stoops a bit to get me to look at him. "What's got you so worked up?"

I don't even care that I probably look like shit. The concerned look on his face makes me cry even more and before I know it, he's got me in his arms, and I'm sobbing like Stanley Kowalski into his white t-shirt.

"I said I didn't want to talk to you," I cry as I inhale his beachy-scented shirt.

"I heard what you said."

I look up at him, determined to pull away from his grasp, but fail miserably. "So why are you still here?"

"Bella, you're crying. Please tell me what's wrong?"

And the look on his face is so sincere, so heartwarming, it's like an oasis in the desert. So I say the only thing that comes to mind.

"Charlie and Renee might get divorced and a friend might be pregnant and Rosalie is cheating on you and if you can't see that you're a big idiot and I don't feel sorry for you."

He sucks in a breath and I immediately feel relieved and terrible all at the same time.

"Get in the car." He leads me to the passenger side and motions for me to get in.

"Didn't you hear what I said?"

"Again, nothing wrong with my hearing. Get in."

I'm just so tired of everyone and everything that I do what he says. I consider telling him to take me to Alice's, but when he starts driving towards Santa Monica, I feel myself relax a bit despite feeling guilty I'm not running over there to see if she's okay.

He's silent on the drive and I wonder what he thinks about my outburst, especially that last part. I sneak a look at his face a few times and it's a mask, I can't tell what's going on behind those surf blue eyes. Maybe he's waiting until we get to the pier to throw me off of it.

Arriving at the beach, we pull into a spot and he turns off the car. He makes no move to get out, so I ready myself to run to safety if I have to. We awkwardly sit there until he eventually exits the Jeep and looks at me until I climb out as well.

We walk to the pizza stand and when he asks if I want anything, I realize I'm still thirsty from my walk and subsequent meltdown. "Just a Tab or a Sunkist is fine. Or a Coke. Whatever," I ramble. He orders my drink and two slices, and we walk to the very end of the pier before he sits on a bench overlooking the ocean.

It's a very nice view, and I should appreciate the fact that I've had the drive to calm down, but the silence is killing me. "Aren't you going to say anything?" I practically shriek I'm so nervous. "I just told you that your girlfriend–"

"Rosalie isn't my girlfriend. Not anymore." He takes a bite of his slice and my mouth drops open.

"What?"

His brow furrows. "We broke up the night I crashed your date with Jared."

I'm stunned speechless. That was weeks ago. She never said anything, he never said anything. I didn't hear any rumors or gossip at Mac's or Tasty Dog or anywhere.

This can't be right. I start going over the timeline in my head. "But you came to dinner–"

"I haven't been to your house for dinner in weeks." And he's right. He has not been at my dinner table since the night Jared was over.

"Angela saw you two at Mac's the night after you…" Almost kissed me. "The night we were here. After UCLA."

"Rosalie asked to meet me. She wasn't taking it well, or so she said."

"You guys broke up?" I repeat dumbly.

"We did. You're telling me you didn't know?"

"How would I know? No one said anything. She acted like nothing was different in her life. She wasn't crying or…" I stop, realizing maybe that would hurt him to know. "You and I have hung out twice since then, you didn't say anything either."

He looks as surprised as I feel. "I assumed you just didn't bring it up to be polite."

"Have you ever known me to be tactful?" I chew my lip, sure it's none of my business. "Why _did_ you break up? Because of… what I so eloquently blurted?"

He sighs and looks at the water. "Partly, yes. I knew there was something there going on with Emmett, and I tried to see if it was just a flirtation or whatever, but it became clear it wasn't."

The guilt inside me forms a lump in my throat. "I'm sorry, I knew. I'm sorry I didn't say anything but it wasn't my business, and she is kinda my sister. I guess I felt like I should be loyal even though I thought it was shitty."

"Don't blame yourself for someone else's crap behavior."

Weeks of unanswered questions start piling up inside me and I barely know where to start being nosey. "Why did you put up with it? Honestly, I feel like it has been going on a while. Not to, um, make this worse for you."

"I don't know how much you know about Rosalie or her dad?"

I pause, considering what this has to do with her cheating on him. "Not a lot, I know he left them."

"For as beautiful as Rosalie is, she's got more anxiety and insecurity than anyone I know. She's had her real father leave her and Renee without a word. Not a goodbye, nothing. She had another step-father that wasn't a nice guy. _At all_. I'm not sure you know the extent of that, either."

"I don't." I sit, staring at the ocean, wondering why I never asked these things of her. I just moved in and assumed her life was as pretty as she made it seem.

"At first I just thought she liked the attention from Emmett. You know her, always smiling at guys and not taking offense when they whistled at her or whatever. Well, that's the insecurity. I could take that, I can take another guy looking at my girl. But when it became obvious she was spending actual time with him, I wasn't going to put up with that. She begged me not to break up with her, that there was nothing going on. Asked me to forgive her and give her another chance. I did that twice."

All the fighting. All the times it looked like they weren't getting along.

They weren't.

He was trying to break up with her. _Two times_.

"I like to think I'm a good guy. She's such a… delicate girl, and knowing her history, I wasn't just going to abandon her and be out of her life. I couldn't do that to her. I tried to be a friend, but maybe I should've just ended it for good when I knew I should instead of treating her with kid gloves. That's my fault, I guess." He looks at me, and there's a kindness and sincerity to him that makes him even more beautiful.

"So you stayed with her? Even though you didn't want to?"

He inhales deeply before letting it out. "For a while. But I'm not all that innocent, I had some selfish motives I'm not proud of."

"A chance to eat Renee's food?" I ask, horrified.

"No, I don't have a death wish." He laughs and looks at me, his hair flopping over one eye in the breeze like it always does. "I'll tell you another time. Now tell my why you were crying on the side of the road?"

Sighing, I hesitate. Not because I don't feel comfortable with him, but because I'm not sure where to start. "How do you think Charlie and Renee get along?"

He looks slightly surprised at my question, but answers after a moment of thought. "They're a weird mix, but it somehow works. He's nice to her, which I don't know she's had a lot of. She looks at him like he's the best thing that ever happened to her. And I think he looks at her like a man truly smitten. But I can't know for sure. Why? You said they were getting divorced?"

"Rosalie threw that out at me when we were fighting. She basically said that Renee was already looking for husband number four and I shouldn't get too comfortable."

"Ouch. Think about who that's coming from, though. That's all she knows."

"I guess."

He takes another bite of his pizza and swallows. "_Why_ were you fighting?"

I look up at him, brain full of worry. He must read it on my face because he just tells me to spit it out.

"Emmett came over. I told her I didn't like it, or him, for that matter. I said some stuff and then she said that about Renee. And then she slapped me."

"She _slapped_ you?" His eyes bug out.

"Yeah. I said something pretty nasty, though, so…" I trail off, not wanting to bring up the drugs right now.

"No one should ever lay a hand on you that way."

"I left to not make things worse."

"And that's when I found you?"

"No." I bite my lip, not wanting to betray Alice, but maybe he'll drop me off there on the way home. "I saw a friend in the pharmacy. I think she was looking at those new pregnancy tests. She wouldn't talk to me, just ran out before I could help her."

"Shit."

Suddenly, I feel really horrible for being selfish and letting Edward take me to the pier. "I need to go see her. Would you give me a ride?"

"Of course."

My hand shoots out and holds his knee. "Edward, I… thanks for picking me up and for listening to me. You really are a good guy, I hope you know that. Rosalie really screwed up where you're concerned."

He ducks his head but I see him smile. "I appreciate that, Bella. But I did get something out of being with Rosalie."

"The clap?"

He laughs as he stands, and holds out his hand to me. "I got a new friend."

This time, I take it.

* * *

I direct Edward to drop me off at the end of Angela's block. Hopefully, she's home. I didn't even think to call first. If she's not, I can walk from here to Alice's alone, but I thought it might help to have Angela's no-nonsense attitude at a time like this.

Her mom's car is in the driveway, so I knock and wait until she answers the door. Before she can even say anything, I tell her to grab her bag and the car keys. Being the good friend she is, she does as I say without question. She probably sees the panic on my face.

I fill her in on the pharmacy situation but don't go into the whole Edward and Rosalie broke up thing, because that's not half as important right now.

When we pull up to Alice's, the front door is open but there aren't any cars so I hope that means she's home alone.

"Alice?" I call through the screen door, immediately hit with the weird church smell that is Alice's house. "I've got Ang here too. Will you let us in?"

Peering through the screen towards the hallway where I know her bedroom lies, she finally appears and looks like she's been crying. "Hey."

"Hey," both of us reply in return, waiting for her to unlatch the door. We follow her through the pictures of Jesus on the walls and statues of Mary on the tabletops into her bedroom where she lays on the bed and holds her teddy bear to her stomach.

Ang looks at me to start and I have no idea what to say. We sit on her floor and stare at her. "Uh, are you alright?"

Alice sighs and holds her bear tighter. "I don't know."

"I saw what you were looking at in the pharmacy, Alice. Are you … pregnant?" I whisper the last word because it seems so foreign to any conversation I ever thought I'd have with her.

"I think so."

Ang clutches my leg and I inhale deeply. "Who? How? We didn't even know you were seeing anyone."

"I don't tell you two everything, you know. I know what you think. I know you think I'm immature and a baby and sheltered. I'm not."

"We don't think you're a baby," Ang says. "We just feel protective of you. You always seem so… "

"You've just had a different upbringing than us, and your folks are so strict." I finish for her. "But you can tell us anything, Alice. Anything. We love you, we're your best friends. I'm sorry if you thought you couldn't confide in us." Just saying it makes me feel shitty. I hate the fact that I've ever made her feel like I'd judge her or disapprove.

Tears start coming down Alice's face. "I'm in love."

"You don't look so happy about that," Ang says and I pinch her. "Who's the lucky guy?" she adds as she rubs her leg.

"Promise you're not going to freak out?" Alice says and sits up.

"We promise. Pinky swear."

"I'm in love with Jasper. And he's in love with me."

Whoa. Ang and I exchange a look. "Mr. Whitlock knocked you up?" Ang blurts which earns her another pinch.

"He didn't 'knock me up'. We're in love. We have been for months. I didn't tell you two 'cause I know you always say it's in my head and that he's too old for me, and it's inappropriate."

"He's our _teacher_, Alice."

"Nothing happened in school. I mean, we both knew there was something there, but he didn't so much as lay a hand on me until the year was over." A swoony look comes over her face. "He takes me on dates. Real dates, not to Mac's or the Frosty Freeze. He took me to the planetarium and we had a picnic under the stars. We've been to museums and poetry readings. Sometimes, we just sit in the park and talk all day. He listens to me. He doesn't treat me like I'm too young or don't know what I'm talking about. He doesn't laugh at my ideas and opinions. He treats me like I'm his equal. He makes me feel special."

It hurts my heart that Alice had all this going on and couldn't tell us. Part of me wants to believe in the fairy tales and rainbows clouding Alice's vision, but the rational part of me wants to go find Mr. Whitlock and kick his ass for leading this poor girl on.

"He could get into a lot of trouble, Alice, he's at least twenty-seven," Angela says, more concern in her voice than before.

"Well, I'm eighteen, so it's okay, right?"

There are so many things about this that are _not_ okay I don't even know where to begin.

If I thought my life has been as fucked up as an episode of the _Twilight Zone _lately, I can't even imagine what Alice has been going through. I want to lecture her, I want to scream at her and hug her and tell her it's all going to be okay but I have no idea if it will be. All I know is that we need to be here for her, right now.

"Okay. First things first, have you had your period?"

"I'm late. Almost three weeks. I didn't notice. And I've been feeling really nauseous."

The day she wanted to puke at the beach. Calling out sick. She was possibly _pregnant_. I rub my forehead, mad I didn't take her not feeling well more seriously. I slap my hands on my thighs. "Well, we have to go get one of those tests. I don't know much about them, but we should just get one and read about it. Let's go."

The ride to the pharmacy is awkward. Alice sits in the back, taking turns sniffling and telling us about Jasper and their love. He calls her Mary Alice, which makes her feel like a grown-up, and I remember the day in the skate park when he called her that. They had apparently already been together and her lack of words that day were a cover-up so we wouldn't catch on to what was happening.

I want to point out that if she thought it was wrong enough not to tell us, doesn't that mean there's something to be said for that? But I don't. I hold her hand from the front seat and just hmm and nod at all the details she's finally sharing.

Angela asks a few questions, but even for Angela, they're tame and not blunt, so I think she's in shock and feeling pretty much how I feel.

Like we've been run over by a bus.

Alice sits in the car while Angela and I go into the pharmacy on the other side of Malibu. Hopefully we won't see anyone we know and can avoid any rumors from starting. We look at the two tests available, shrug at each other and buy one. For good measure, Angela throws in a Hershey bar and I plop down a jar of Olay, just to take the focus away from the test like a teenage boy buying condoms.

We decide the safest place to do this test is the bathroom in my room. It's not strange for the three of us to be hanging out behind closed doors at my house like it would be Alice's, whose holier-than-thou parents have a policy that no door should ever be closed or locked.

Guess she and Jasper didn't get it on at chez Brandon.

We read the instructions three times, looking at the little dropper, test tube looking things and plastic trays, making sure we know what to do before we start so we don't mess up. I consider going to ask Rosalie if she or a Bimbo friend ever had to do one of these before even though I don't really feel like owing her a favor at the moment, but she's not home.

Emmett's car was gone from the driveway when we arrived, and all that was left was a bit of cracked mirror on the concrete that made me smile.

Alice pees into the little tray and we add the sheep's blood cells carefully, which icks me out, and then stir and put the mixture into the test tube. According to the instructions, you can't bump any of the components or the test will be null and void, so we hold our breath as we place the tube into the tray with the mirror on the bottom and say a little chant that we did it right. Hopefully we'll avoid having to go back to the store to buy another one and more skin-cream products and chocolate.

Waiting two hours for the results is excruciating, so we hang by the pool and try to distract ourselves by sunbathing. All I can think about is the vial in the little holder with the mirror on my bathroom counter, and how it's possibly about to change all of our lives. I want to ask Alice what she's going to do if it's positive, but she seems happy enough to be looking at magazines and drinking her Hawaiian Punch, so I don't bring it up. Might not matter anyway.

I hope.

The kitchen timer I brought outside hits sixty for the second time, and we all look at each other. Alice's eyes are wide-wide and Angela is the first one to get up. We follow her into the house and stare at the closed bathroom door.

"It's my test. I'll look first," Alice says, so Ang and I back away as she opens the door.

She picks up the contraption and sucks in a breath. I feel Angela reaching for my hand so I squeeze hers as Alice turns around, showing us the red ring at the bottom of the tube reflected in the mirror.

Positive.

Fuck.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** Bella mentions a bunch of sodas above… my fondest memory of soda is going to my cousin's house in Grand Rapids every summer for a couple of weeks, and our first stop when we got there would be to a distributor where we'd buy cases of soda (or pop, in their case) in glass bottles. My favorite was sarsaparilla, and I could not tell you today what that tasted like cause I don't remember. Going there to get the soda just meant the beginning of good times ahead!

**PB Fun Fact:** Not a memory, just thought I'd mention one of CarrieZM's comments to me that made me laugh. She was questioning the amount of research I had to do about the workings of early pregnancy tests in the 70's for this chapter. Not easy to find :)

**Thanks as always to the two girls I'd embarrassingly purchase things in the pharmacy for, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM**

**(side note, Bella's rant at Edward above has no commas, and that's all ME so don't blame Carrie lol)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"**I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise." **_– Jimmy Buffett, "Cheeseburger in Paradise", Peaked at #32 on Billboard Hot 100 chart in June, 1978_

* * *

When I was twelve, my friend Barbra gave me a book she stole from her older sister's bookshelf, called _Mr. and Mrs. Bo Jo Jones_. It was about a teenage couple that gets pregnant and decides to live like adults and try to raise the baby on their own.

Needless to say, all they did was fight and break up, and Barbra and I swore right then and there that we would never get pregnant until we were at least thirty.

That book had a really horrible outcome, and I can't help thinking about it since we found out about Alice. Not that Mr. Whitlock is a teenager, but I really don't see how this is going to work out any better for them than it did for the Joneses, living in a garage apartment and stepping out on each other.

I take my break at the Dog and straddle one of the picnic table benches, staring at the ocean and lost in thought on the previous day's events.

Once we got the results, the three of us sat on my floor, silent. I knew what I was thinking, and probably Ang, that abortion was going to be out of the question. I wondered if I could get a hold of that senior girl from last year that gave a baby up for adoption and out of desperation, again thought maybe Rosalie could help us.

"I can't talk to my parents about this," Alice said, nervously, looking from Ang and I with big, brown eyes. "What am I going to do? I have to tell Jasper." She looked like she was about to cry, and when I heard the car pull up in the driveway, I said the only thing I could think of.

"I think you should talk to Renee."

Angela backed me up, saying that out of all the adults we knew, Renee was by far the most open-minded. I guess I'd never really thought about it, but yeah, Renee was probably the hippest out of all of our moms. After some coaxing, Alice agreed, so I went downstairs and watched as Renee took groceries that were going to get slaughtered tonight out of her bags.

"Renee, can I talk to you? About something really private?" The look on her face when she turned around threw me. In place of the watery booze eyes and far-off expression was astonishment.

"You want my help?" This was the second person in this house to declare surprise at me asking for assistance. I put that on the back burner to mull over later.

"Well, it's not me, it's Alice. She can't go to her folks, you know how they are. She has no one else to talk to." Renee nodded, waiting for me to finish. "She's in… trouble."

I could tell the moment Renee understood what I was going on about, her face turned to one of a motherly, concerned parent. "I can talk to her, but depending on how serious it is, I'm probably going to advise her to tell her parents regardless."

"I understand. I'll go get her." Racing back up the stairs, I felt warmth towards Renee. This was maybe the first time I'd ever gone to her for anything.

Angela and I went out by the pool and gave Alice and Renee some privacy. They were in there a long time, and when they came out, Alice's eyes and nose were red, but she was nestled into Renee's side under a protective arm.

"I'm going to talk to Jasper. And then I'm going to talk to my parents when they get home from their church trip. Thanks, Renee. I really appreciate it."

"Call me anytime, sweetie. I'm always here for you." Alice hugged her, and Renee kissed the top of her head before Alice told us she'd call us in a few days. She wanted time to think, she said.

Watching Renee go back into the house, I tried to remember if I'd ever hugged her besides after the wedding, and I felt ashamed that maybe I'd never given her the chance to befriend me and show affection.

I shake salt over my fries at the table, listening to the kids yelling and birds crying overhead, contemplating life and wondering if Alice has decided what to do. I can't even imagine being in her shoes, and laugh bitterly that I'll never have to worry about it the way I'm going.

A hand reaches out and grabs a fry, and I'm about to smash it onto the table when I recognize the freckle on the third knuckle.

"Get your own fries." I smile at Edward as he sits across from me.

"I would but the girl that works the window is nowhere to be seen."

"She's terrible."

We sit there with goofy grins on our faces as he takes another fry.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Feeling any better?"

Things with Alice are crazy, but at least we're on the right path to figuring it out. I haven't seen Rosalie, so I guess that's what it is for now. Renee and Charlie seemed lovey-dovey at dinner last night. "I think so."

"Good." He nods and takes a third fry, but I don't protest, I suppose I owe him.

"Thanks for kidnapping me yesterday, I guess I didn't realize I wanted someone to talk to."

"You can always talk to me." The truth in his eyes tells me he means it.

Not wanting to spread Alice's business, and really not in the mood to discuss Rosalie anymore, I change topics to ask how the movie is going.

He beams. "Rad. We're in a good spot at the moment. Just need to tighten things up and make some final decisions." His finger traces the carved initials of some long-ago lovers as his eyes follow the movement. "I'm going to go to UCLA later, um, if you want to come see the rough cut?"

If I were a betting man, I'd say Edward Cullen appeared nervous.

"I'd love to."

He smiles big. "Great. It's a date."

"Is it?" I blurt, and immediately cover my mouth with my salt and fry-covered hand.

His eyes widen and I want to kick myself. "Do you want it to be?"

Yes._ Yes yes yes._ "You know, no, it's cool, we're friends, you know? So no?" I blabber.

"What if _I_ want it to be?" His deep blue eyes hit mine and I feel my toes curl under the table. I swallow and a slow smile spreads across my face.

"Then I'd say it's your lucky day."

* * *

Edward tried to insist on picking me up, but I got my way and told him to get me at Mac's later. I'm just not in the mood to take the chance that Rosalie will see him, as I'm still not sure what this 'date' means, if anything. Also, I don't want to get the third degree from Charlie and Renee.

I'm more agitated than Ann Romano talking to Schneider as I pace my room trying to figure out what to wear. Normally, I'd be in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, sockless with my Vans on, but this is maybe a date?

A date with Edward?

I suck in a deep breath and clutch my chest, falling down on my bed and staring at my poster of Leif Garrett.

_Oh My God._

What if he holds my hand again? Touches my cheek? What if, what if? Crawling under my bed, I grab the hidden Angela and Alice vodka and take a healthy swig. Without the cranberry it's pretty nasty, but I can't go sneaking into Renee's room to grab one of her 'mood candies' from the medicine chest because there is no way I'm taking a chance on being grounded tonight.

After nixing the borrowed dress from Rosalie, a peasant skirt and some bell bottoms I took from Angela, I decide to just wear my regular clothes. This is who I am and I've had this uniform on each time we've hung out, and he hasn't seemed to mind. Besides, we're just going to sit in a dark room and watch his movie.

Dark room. Yoinks.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high that we'll be alone. More than likely Jared will be there, and the editor dude. So maybe it _isn't_ a real date. I just don't know, so I figure I won't treat it as such and then I won't be disappointed. We've spent time together before, so I'll just act like I did those other times.

Finally settled on my tight navy scoop neck shirt and cutoffs, I keep the beach-tousled hair from work and hitch a ride to Mac's with Angela so I can fill her in on all the Edward and Rosalie stuff since there was no chance yesterday.

She squeals appropriately and tells me to eat shit when I try to tell her this might not be a date.

"It is so a date. Oh my god, I _told_ you!"

"I'm nervous. Give me a ciggie." We light up and sit on her car. The sun is just going down and the teenagers are starting to come in from the beach and congregate around the picnic tables. Maybe this wasn't such a great spot to meet, who knows who might roll on in.

We bop along to KISS playing over the speakers and when we see Edward's Jeep pull in, my stomach turns to butterflies and Angela covertly hits me multiple times in the leg like I haven't been watching for him. I slide my butt off her car and slap her five, telling her I'll call her later.

As casually as I can, I jump in the Jeep and before he can peel out, he tells me I look nice and that he likes my hair like this. I look back at Angela who is giving me a thumbs up as I smile and wave goodbye.

I hold my hair in one hand as we whip down the highway, Van Halen's _You Really Got Me_ blasting from the speakers. He catches me looking at him a few times and gives me that lazy, too-cool surfer smile, and I feel as cheesy as a Judy Blume novel when I blush.

The campus is quiet, only a few students walk the grounds as Edward and I make our way to the editing department.

Jared looks up from some equipment and his eyes widen slightly when he sees me standing behind Edward. "Hey," I say and give a little wave.

"I hope you guys are cool with Bella hanging out," Edward asks Jared and some redheaded kid with glasses he introduces as Glen. They both say sure, so I sit off to the side and watch them talk about a scene or two before the lights go off and the film starts.

There's no soundtrack or anything in the beginning, just some set-up shots of waves and stuff, underscored by rushing water and bird sounds. Soon, older footage of surfers with some commentary begins and I get giddy when Charlie appears on screen in some competition shots. I make a mental note to remember to ask Edward where he found them. It's neat seeing the vintage scenes mixed in with the new stuff, and the guys talking about the old days in the conversation I witnessed on the beach is there, too, edited and shot beautifully.

The whole thing has a great feel to it and I tell them all that when the film is over. They seem happy enough, make a few edits, talk some more about what else they want to include and then Edward turns to me.

"Ready to go?"

"Sure." I have no idea where, or if this is the whole evening. We talk a little more about the film while we walk to the car, and when we get in, Edward doesn't start it right away.

"Do you need to go home or anything? Did you want to get something to eat?"

"I don't need to be anywhere, no." I smile, happy he's not looking to get rid of me yet. "What kind of food are you going to make me eat now?"

His eyes narrow. "Hmm. I think maybe we should leave the exotic stuff for another time. What do you say to just getting some burgers and sitting at the beach?"

Edward all to myself? Yes, please. "Sounds great."

We pick up some In-N-Out and drive to a beach closer to UCLA than Zuma, which is fine with me. We sit in the car, listening to the radio low as we eat and make small talk. It's not the uncomfortable kind, where you're saying anything just so there's no silence. I don't embarrass myself or say anything dumb, so I pat myself on the back a little and chow down.

Angela would totally chastise me for eating like a pig in front of a guy on a first date, the only 'safe' food according to her is a dry bagel, but I don't feel awkward in front of him at all.

I guess all the practice sessions eating Renee's slop with him has been worth the stomach pain and intestinal distress.

"I love this song," I point out when "Ventura Highway" comes on the radio. "Charlie used to drive around in his old convertible and play it loud. He said it just _felt_ like everything he thought about my mom wrapped up in one piece of music. She was a true California girl – blonde, blue-eyed, tan and pretty." I laugh a little. "I obviously take after Charlie. Thank God I haven't grown any facial hair. Yet."

"We're all thankful for that."

"Do you think I need to tell Charlie the end of the porn 'stache era is coming to a close?"

"Is it? I was just thinking about growing one of my own." He fingers his upper lip in the rearview.

"Um, that's a big no."

"Why, you don't think I'd look good?"

_You'd look good in anything. Or nothing._ "Maybe in a few years, when you've got a nice beer belly going."

"And sideburns for days."

"Don't forget the lime green polyester leisure suit that's all the rage with middle-aged dads."

"I think Carlisle has one of those."

I make a gagging sound and we lapse into silence, smiling at each other.

He takes my wrappers from my lap and bags them with his trash before throwing it into the garbage can nearby. "Wanna sit?" He motions towards the hood and I scramble out. We sit side-by-side on a blanket he grabbed, looking at the few stars we can see through the smog and listening to the black ocean mixed with the radio.

The tranquil melody of Surfer Girl starts and I sigh, never more content to be in one place at any moment in my life than right now. Edward clears his throat and rests his forearms on his knees. "Just because you're not the typical California blonde doesn't mean you aren't a beautiful California girl."

My heart stops beating and my mind runs through a million ways to interpret that.

But when I turn to look at him, there can be only one way.

His serious eyes are fixed on me as he leans in closer.

And then the unimaginable happens.

Edward Cullen's lips touch mine gently, and it's everything I've ever hoped for in the world.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact 1:** I had that book mentioned in the beginning. I remember being obsessed with teen books about first times and pregnancies and all that. I'd be in the bookstore and flip through the pages… if it had a curse word, that meant it was a 'bad' book and was MINE. Funny where life takes you ;)

**PB Fun Fact 2:** Me and my friend Claire actually wrote down a list of all the foods you shouldn't eat on a first date. Through this very scientific method, we determined the only safe food was a dry bagel. You are welcome.

**Thank you to the girls I'd hang out on car hoods and smoke with, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM. You guys rock like KISS.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Apologies for the delay. I had an epic birthday/surprise party weekend and I couldn't get my act together yesterday.**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

"**I wanna kiss you all over" **_– Exile, "Kiss You All Over", It held the number one spot on the Billboard Hot 100 for four weeks and Billboard ranked it as the No. 5 song for 1978._

* * *

He kisses me soft, our mouths moving perfectly together in the best first kiss ever before he stops and rests his forehead against mine.

We sit like that for a moment, breathing each other in.

"That was… unexpected," I say, practically a whisper on the sand in the ocean air between us.

I feel a shudder go through him as his hand comes up to wrap around my neck. "Bella, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

Our legs are touching, and when I shift, he puts his hand on my knee. With a soft pull, he lays them across his lap and I feel like I'm about to die. "How long is a long time?" I ask while his fingers rub the soft skin at the back of my knee.

"Longer than I should've."

The thought that Edward wanted to kiss me for a few days now is something I can't quite comprehend, so I decide to not obsess about the details and just enjoy the fact that he is. "For the record, I've wanted you to do that for a long time, too."

We sit for another hour, talking and laughing, disagreeing about the songs that come on, and I'm thrilled when he doesn't let my hand go the whole time. I'm dying to ask him details about exactly when his thoughts might've changed about me, but I don't want to ruin the moment by being that needy girl.

He twines his fingers in mine and my thumb plays over the freckle I've studied intently across my outdoor dining table. "Guess I should get you home. It's almost curfew."

"Holy moly, Edward. Tell me you're not going to be _worse_ regarding my welfare where Charlie is concerned just because you kissed me."

"Well, now I _really_ have a reason to want him to like me."

"He already does."

"Yeah, but now I'm spending time with his _biological_ daughter."

"Is that what you're doing? Spending time with me?"

He's looking at my mouth, that lazy smile playing across his own, and his hand trails down my calf gently. My stomach flips at the fact that he might be feeling _that way_ towards me. "I would like to spend lots more time with you," he murmurs, then looks right at me, causing my insides to melt from the heat in his eyes. "That is, if you want to."

Well, _doy_. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" he asks as his eyebrows raise.

"Well, yeah. I mean you force gross food on me and have a fondness for bad movies. What girl would want more of that?"

He laughs as his fist playfully nudges my chin. "Hopefully you, Swansong."

I think I'm in love.

* * *

Two days later I walk past Rosalie's partially open door and peek my head in. The bed is made up neatly and I know in my gut she didn't come home last night. I haven't seen her in almost three days now, and even though I'm still boiling under my skin, it doesn't mean I'm not worried about her.

Renee has the small black and white TV in the kitchen tuned to _Ryan's Hope_. I swear, this is the same conversation Frank and Mary Ryan were having the last time I walked in about a month ago.

She looks like she's in the middle of baking, so I slide onto one of the orange, vinyl stools at the counter to watch.

"Oh, hi sweetie. What's up?" she asks as she pulls the wooden spoon from the holder next to the stove.

"Just waiting to find out if Frank will finally shut his trap." I nod to the TV.

"Oh, she'll get the final say. She's very headstrong." She smiles and looks at me, waiting because me sitting here with her is all sorts of weird. "Did you want something to eat?"

"No!" I answer rather harshly. "I just wanted to say thank you for talking to Alice."

Renee sighs and retrieves the eggs from the fridge. "She's got a long, hard road ahead of her." She looks up sharply. "You _are_ taking your pill, right?"

"Yes, and please stop bringing it up. Especially in front of Charlie."

"Well, I'd rather bug you about it and embarrass you than have you forget."

I contemplate what she's said and play it through my head. For as spacey as she is, she does seem to want what's best for me. "You do _care_ about me, don't you?" I say it more like a fact than a question.

She puts the eggs down and rests her hands on the counter. "Of course, I do. I know I haven't been your stepmother long, and I don't really have much say in your life … " She trails off before taking two eggs out and cracking one. "You came into this house a teenager, but way more adult than I ever was at your age. You didn't need my help, you were already doing fine on your own."

I reach over and take a piece of shell out of the bowl. Renee just grins and shrugs, cracking the other.

"It's not that I didn't need you, I just… hadn't had a mom in a long time, I got used to it. Besides, you had Rosalie."

"Rosalie was a handful. She still is." She looks at the clock and I can see the worry in her face. "You just always seem so able to handle yourself, so I let you be."

I nod, remembering both her and Rosalie have said similar things lately, and I wonder if I haven't been putting up a wall where they're both concerned, giving off an air of not needing either of them. "I am pretty self-sufficient. But I wouldn't mind maybe going to lunch or something like that some time. Just the two of us."

You'd think Renee won cooking lessons from Julia Child, she's so excited. "That would be lovely." She continues concocting her mix, and I slide the salt out of her hand and replace it with baking soda. I sit and watch, happy to offer suggestions as she goes.

"What's the occasion for the bake-fest?"

"Carlisle and Esme are coming over for dinner tonight." She pauses when I look up sharply. "Charlie is picking up Chinese. I figured the least I could do is try to make dessert."

"Ah." As much as I'd like to see Carlisle's bare ass in the pool, I think I'll find other plans for the evening. I want to call Edward and see what he's up to, but it's probably too soon for that and I don't want to bug him when I know he's been busy in the editing lab. "Here, let me help."

We stand side-by-side and finish the cookie dough, Renee slapping my hand playfully each time I try to eat the chocolate chips out of the bag. It's a fun, lighthearted hour, and when we finish and they come out of the oven, I grab one and turn to head to my room. Taking a bite, the chocolate is gooey and warm, and the dough is perfectly sweet. I turn back to the kitchen and stick my head around the corner.

"Hey, Renee."

"Yes, sweetie?"

I hold up the cookie. "These are really good."

The smile on her face is brighter than her Day-Glo fingernails.

* * *

An hour later, the phone rings and Renee calls out it's for me. Picking up the extension in my room, I'm thrilled when I hear the voice in my dreams on the other end.

"Hey," Edward says, sounding happy.

I'm positive he can see me smiling from his house. "Hey."

"I had a really good time the other night."

My insides turn to mush. "Me too. Thanks for the regular American food."

"You're welcome. What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I was baking cookies with Renee. Your folks are coming over for dinner. Someone had to supervise so they won't get food poisoning."

"Good thinking. Are they in the clear?"

"I ate two, so I think so. Unless I keel over later."

He clears his throat. "Well, why don't you come over here so I can keep an eye on you? You know, just in case."

"Um, sure. That sounds good." Understatement of the year. That sounds fucking _great_.

"Should I come get you?"

"Uh…"

"Unless you don't want me to?"

"It's not you, I'm just not ready, I don't think. For Renee and Charlie to know that we, uh, are… you know… hanging out?"

"I think they'd be okay with it, but I get it. How will you get here? You're not going to hitch, right?"

I smile and look in the corner of my room. "I got wheels."

* * *

Roller skating looks so easy in those Pepsi commercials. Everyone is smiling and weaving back and forth in their satin shorts and tube socks.

I look like I just got birthed from a horse.

I eventually make it in one piece, and pat myself on the back for having the foresight to put my hair up in a ponytail so it isn't sweaty. I wait around the corner for a few minutes until my face is less red before knocking on the door.

Esme greets me warmly and I'm a little surprised at the _lack_ of surprise on her face. I guess Edward told her I was coming, and if she's confused as to why, she doesn't show it. She's dressed in a flowy red-striped dress and I can see her bikini straps around her neck. I was right that it was going to be a mini pool party, and I am very glad Edward called to get me out of that house.

I make a mental note to tell the pool guy to use extra chlorine in the grotto tomorrow.

Carlisle kisses me on the cheek and points towards Edward's room before they sashay out.

I've been outside Edward's house before, when Rosalie would need to run in for something quick or whatever, but I've never been inside. It's a classic SoCal mid-century modern–all one floor and the whole house basically wraps in a u-shape around the pool so every room faces it. I walk towards the floor-to-ceiling glass doors in the kitchen and wonder if I should go through the house or cut across the outside to the room Carlisle directed me to.

I see Edward's sliders are open, so I go outside and walk around the pool. Peter Frampton is playing on his hi-fi and I peek in to see him sitting against his bed on the floor, notebook in hand.

Knocking on the doorframe, he looks up and smiles when he sees me. He then points and laughs when he sees the roller skates flung over my shoulder.

"Wheels, huh?"

"Sure. I'm a pro."

"Come on in." He stands and I step onto his blue rug. His room is cozy, but not tiny. There's lots of sun coming in and it lights up his walls, the pool water reflecting and rippling through the room. All the posters are movie posters–_The Godfather_, _One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_, _A Clockwork Orange_, even a Charlie Chaplin one. I walk around looking at all the titles, and smile to myself when I see the only girly poster on his wall is of Valerie Bertinelli. There's no Farrah, no Cheryl, no Loni.

He comes up behind me when he sees me lingering. "See? Brunettes are the way to go."

"Hmm." I turn around. "I guess she's cute."

"_You're_ cute." When he leans in for a kiss, it's the most natural thing in the world. I suppose I've had lots of practice in my nightly dreams.

He opens a little mini fridge and hands me a beer. I like that he doesn't think I'm too young to drink and I open it, taking a healthy swig. "I like your room."

"Thanks."

"Do you live here year-round?"

"Yeah, it's nicer than the dorms." I nod, happy inside that he's not going to be an hour away when school starts, even if we never get that far.

"I noticed there wasn't a beer can pyramid or neon Schlitz sign."

"And no bongs lying around. That's in Carlisle's basement," he laughs.

"I don't even want to know what they're doing at Charlie and Renee's tonight." I semi-fake shudder.

"Thanks for that." He frowns.

"I didn't want to be the only one with that burned in my brain."

"Payback via food will be a bitch. You've been warned."

"Noted. Don't eat with Edward ever again." I squeal when he's suddenly upon me, grabbing my beer out of my hand and wrapping his arm around my waist to hold it away from me. When I stumble and fall back on his bed, he hovers over me and we're _thisclose. _His eyes roam over my face, landing on my lips.

"I don't like that." One side of his mouth turns up.

"What?"

"I don't want to hear you're never going to do something with me again." My body tingles as his touches mine ever so slightly. "It hurts my feelings."

"Who knew Edward Cullen was so sensitive?"

"I'm an artiste, we're delicate people." He takes a sip of my beer.

"Good to know. I'll have to limit my insults."

"Please don't. Your insults are a highlight of hanging out with you."

"I practice them in a mirror."

"Lucky mirror."

He's smiling at me until his face turns serious. My eyes are jumping between his while he slowly leans down and presses his lips to mine. When he pulls back, that smirk I melt for is firmly in place and all my extremities are tingling.

"This could turn into a very dangerous situation."

"It could?" My heart is beating so hard I'm sure they can hear it over at Zuma.

I don't dare move as he hangs over me. Suddenly, he breaks away, lifting his body from mine. "We shouldn't do this," he says and my stomach plummets at his words.

I sit up and push my hair behind my ears. "It's fine, it's nothing." I feel slightly dumb that he didn't want to continue. Maybe he really _doesn't_ feel anything for me.

He stands at the edge of the bed and looks down at me, his hand ruffling his hair. "It's not nothing, Bella." He tips his head back and pinches the bridge of his nose like he used to at the dinner table when I would talk. _That_ makes me want to throw up from embarrassment.

When he looks back at me he smiles before pulling me up by both hands and enveloping me in a hug. "I like you. I want to do things right."

And my heart beats frantically again.

And as goofy and _Little House on the Prairie_ what he said is, I totally dig the fact that he doesn't want to just screw me and toss me away. I nod against him and smile, relieved and slapping myself inside for being such an insecure _girl_.

He presses his mouth to my ear. "But again, for the record, I've thought about being on my bed with you like that for a long time as well."

"We're going to need to talk about just how long these fantasies of me have been in your head." I'm giddy just saying these words, words I'd never thought I'd ever string together in a sentence.

He looks at me and smiles that lazy smile. "I'll tell you everything someday."

* * *

**PB Fun Fact #1: **Doy was a huge word (and insult) when I was growing up. Your brother says something stupid? You can call him a doy! Someone says something you already know? Say _a-doy_ in the most sarcastic voice you can!

**PB Fun Fact #2:** Valerie Bertinelli was the prettiest girl on TV. My brother had a huge crush on her. And when she started dating Eddie Van Halen? OMG that was American royalty, right there.

**PB Fun Fact #3:** I never mastered the art of roller-skating. As kids, my siblings and I had those metal kind you strapped to your sneakers that made your teeth rattle as you rode. My friend Claire had the coolest roller skates, white with purple pom-poms tied to the front. I envied those. In a weird turn of events, I _could_ ice skate though.

**As always, thanks to my girls I'll never say a-doy to, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"**Slip slidin' away, Slip slidin' away, ****You know the nearer your destination, the more you're slip slidin' away" – **_Paul Simon, "Slip Slidin' Away", Peaked on Billboard Hot 100 at #5 in January, 1978_

* * *

The next day I'm looking at the pool through the fingers of one hand. I don't see anything weird floating on the surface, but I think I'll wait until Carlos comes to give it a thorough once-over before going for a swim.

I sit on the end of the chaise and fall under the hypnotic spell of the waterfall cascading into the pool while I daydream about Edward.

After he decided I was too dangerous to have alone in his room _(holymolyholymoly)_ we took my skates to the pier and he proceeded to hold my hands while walking backwards so he could guide me around, making me squeal when he'd run too fast and let go. At one point, he put his arm around my waist and we do-si-doed to the music coming from the speakers, and I finally had my roller-skating date fantasy fulfilled minus the mirrored disco ball hanging overhead.

The hundreds of Edward-induced twinkling stars in my eyes sufficed.

He led me to the railing where we ate ice cream, my chocolate running down my hand in usual Bella spaz fashion while he kept his pistachio nice and neat.

"So, they're premiering the films on Friday night. There's a cocktail hour and everything." I was mid-lick when he continued, asking me maybe the most exciting question I'd ever been asked. "I thought you might want to go with me?"

My eyes went wide. "The premiere is a really big deal," I said, giddy with the idea he wanted to share it with me.

"It is. I'm a little nervous, I thought it might be nice to have someone there that's seen it so at least one person will clap."

Oh.

"Don't worry. I'll be your planted fan for the night. I'll be the one with the stellar wolf-whistle."

He flicked his hair out of his eyes and smirked. "Bella, I'd want you to go whether you'd seen it or not. I just want you there. With me." He took another lick of his cone and threw it in the can. "I unfortunately have to sit with my partners, but my folks and yours will be there so you can sit with them. I'll pick you up at seven."

I fidgeted nervously with the napkin holding my melting cone. "I can get a ride with my parents."

"Is that what you want? Are we still hiding the fact we're… hanging out?"

"I was just trying to make it easier for you if you have to go early, but yeah," I said, nodding my head and taking a deep breath. "I want you to pick me up."

He grabbed my hand and started wheeling me along to the strains of Donna Summer. "Good. Because I wasn't going to have it any other way."

I'm broken from my memories and scrutiny of the Playboy grotto when I hear shouting coming from the kitchen. I've heard Rosalie and Renee have disagreements, but there is no mistaking what's going on right now. This is a blowout.

I'm torn between wanting to let them have privacy and squishing my nose up against the screen to get a front-row view.

Front-row view wins and I sidle up to the house, not peeking in but getting better volume control as I stand by the side of the screen.

"I am an adult, stop treating me like a child," Rosalie spits out at Renee and I'm a little taken aback by how venomous she sounds.

"Nineteen is barely an adult, young lady. You live under my roof, you live by _my_ rules."

"You're seriously going to try to be my mother now? _Now_? Where were you when you drove dad away, and I had no one but a parent that cried all day? Where were you when I'd have to watch you get slapped around by that asshole you married after that?"

I can hear Renee take a deep, pained breath. "Your father left us both, you know. I didn't choose for him to have an affair. Where's he been, anyway? Hmm?" Her voice gets softer, almost belittled. "I know I've made mistakes, Rosalie, but I've always done my best to protect you. As for Tony, I got us out of there as soon as I could."

"I think you didn't try hard _enough_."

I can almost see through the wall the visible recoil from Rosalie's words as they land on Renee's face like a slap. "What is going _on_ with you, Rosalie? I don't like how this guy you're hanging out with is influencing you. Talk to me, _please_."

Angela comes up beside me as I'm eavesdropping. "What's going on in there?" she whispers.

"Not sure exactly how it started, but Rosalie is getting into it with Renee." We both shut our traps to continue listening to Rosalie rant.

"I stayed out late, what's the big freakin' deal?"

"Late? It's been two days! Where _were_ you?"

"Not your concern, that's where."

"I asked you where've you been, and you will answer me right now!"

There's a crash, I'm not sure what it is. "None of your fucking business!"

"Get back here, I'm not done with you!"

"Jesus Christ, just leave me alone! Do you want me to leave and not come back? Like Dad? Is that it?"

"Rosalie, honey, no. No one wants you to leave." I can hear the sorrow and pleading in Renee's voice and it makes me sad for her and Rosalie both.

"You know, someday I will and you'll have no idea where I am."

"I am _afraid_ for you. I have no idea what's gotten into you. The attitude, the secrecy… what kind of guy takes a girl out and doesn't bring her back for _two days_?"

"Someone that cares for me a lot more than _any _of_ you _do!"

With that, I can hear Rosalie's door slam and my whole body stings with unease. A lot of what Rosalie just said to Renee is the same as what she said during our fight. I contemplate going inside, but when I hear Renee sob, I feel it best to just leave her be.

When Angela rubs my arm in comfort, I turn to her. "You ready to go to Alice's?" I defer talking about what we just heard and lead her towards the back yard gate.

"No. But I guess we have to since she's not answering the phone. I'm a little freaked out. What if her parents are back from the church thing and start yelling at us that we aren't good, protective Christian friends?"

We get into her mom's station wagon. "Maybe we aren't. I mean, if she felt like she could've confided in us, maybe we would've been able to talk some sense into her."

"It's not our fault, B."

"No, I know. But Angela, come on. It's _Alice_."

She sighs. "She's going to have the baby."

I nod in agreement. "And we have to be there for her when Mr. Whitlock skips town."

I look out the window at the familiar scenery and can't help the knot in my stomach from forming. If it's possible for a person to have aged in a month, that would be me. My life has been so upside down lately, I don't know how to feel. Exhilarated for me, sad for Renee, horribly afraid for Alice and Rosalie.

I feel like a happy, helium filled balloon that's hurtling towards the pointy end of a very sharp knife.

* * *

Somehow the air around Alice's house seems more oppressive the closer we get. In hindsight, it was stupid to agree to her request of giving her time to figure out a plan. That ends today.

The house is closed up tighter than Fort Knox. There's one car is in the driveway, but the door is closed and all the shades are down.

"This isn't _too_ creepy," Angela quips as we get out and stare at the house, waiting for movement.

"What if they haven't let her out or have sunshine or anything for days?" I worry, regretting we agreed to let her talk to her parents alone. Images of Alice held captive while their priest performs an exorcism comes to mind.

"They've been away. I'm sure she's fine."

We pass the wood cross lawn decoration and I rub the top a little for good luck. Knocking on the door, I'm surprised when it flings open not two seconds later.

Mrs. Brandon is standing behind the screen, Bible and tissue in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. I don't think she ever really liked either of us, and it's confirmed when she looks at us like we're the devil. "Hello, Mrs. Brandon. We were just coming to visit Alice." I smile, trying to be as polite as possible.

"What have you girls done?" she barks, staring daggers at us. She holds up the paper and I recognize Alice's neat, bubble-letter writing.

"She's gone."

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** Bella's pool is based on one I swam at often as a kid. Our neighbors had rich cousins and when they'd go away for the whole summer to Europe or whatever, our neighbors stayed at their house to keep an eye on things. My family spent many many days hanging out there and swimming in the awesome pool complete with slide and grotto. Good times.

**LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM are two people that if they left without a word, I'd be devastated. If I thank them enough, maybe they won't abandon me.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**"When the day that lies ahead of me  
****Seems impossible to face  
****When someone else instead of me  
****Always seems to know the way  
****Then I look at you  
****And the world's alright with me."** – _Bill Withers, "Lovely Day", peaked at #6 on the Billboard R&B chart and at #30 on the Billboard Hot 100. The song is notable for Withers' sustained note towards the end, which at 18 seconds long, is one of the longest ever recorded on a song._

* * *

Alice's mother holds her glare through the screen. She looks like she's been crying for hours, her usually neat helmet hairdo is a mess and she's dressed in a housecoat, something she'd never wear in front of company.

"Mrs. Brandon, we haven't seen her in a few days, that's why we came by," Angela says calmly for someone that just got accused of wrongdoing.

Alice's mother says nothing, then visibly crumples. She pushes the door open and asks us to come in, the smell of moldy church hitting my nose again, way too soon. As the clock ticks loudly, we sit on the plastic-covered floral sofa, and she sits in the matching chair across.

She holds out the paper and Angela reaches for it. We huddle together, reading the note on the rainbow stationery proving that yes, in fact, Alice has flown the coop.

It's all there. The love story of Alice and her teacher, the pregnancy, how he's over the moon excited and they're going to get married. She's sorry to have let her parents down, but she's so, so happy and hopes that one day, they will forgive her. She pleads for them not to be angry with Jasper, that they are both adults and know they can't live without each other. She ends it by saying Jasper has already given notice to the school board, and she'll get in touch with them as soon as she's settled in her new life.

She doesn't mention me or Angela. Not a 'tell them goodbye' or anything. My eyes sting with confusion.

I look at Mrs. Brandon and try not to focus on the huge cross attached to the wall above her, which makes me feel like a sinner even though I haven't done anything. I guess I sort of understand a little why Alice felt the need to find a way out of this oppressive environment, even if it hurts me she did so without telling us.

"Did you know she was dating her teacher?" The despair in her voice makes my heart hurt, and I'm torn between easing her pain and shedding my own hot tears at the fact she just up and left Angela and I as well. "You girls must've known _something_."

"I'm sorry, we didn't know she was planning on leaving," Angela says, which isn't a lie but doesn't expand on what we _did_ know.

"She has another year of high school left. She was going to join our church's youth ministry program after."

My eyes widen and Ang and I exchange a look. That's news to us. "It doesn't seem to be what she wanted," I say as politely as possible, still loyal to my friendship with Alice even if she isn't.

"Of course it is, what _else_ would she want to do?" Her question comes out sharply. "The church is a big part of her life. She wants to serve God and help all of his disciples. She's been surrounded by sin," she sobs and waves her Bible in our direction. "Beaches with people barely dressed, a non-parish job surrounded by it all…"

Before I can formulate a thought, she gets up. "Where are my manners? I'll get you girls some tea. Pardon me for my rudeness … isn't very Christian of me … " she trails off and makes her way to the kitchen.

Angela and I look at each other once she's out of view. There are so many statues and pictures of holy people I'm almost afraid to whisper in here.

"I can't sit here anymore," I say, my voice a mix of anger and melancholy that ghosts through the pious room.

"Can we just leave before tea?"

"We don't owe anyone anything. Not here." I get up and Ang follows immediately. I feel sort of bad and sort of not, so I call out to Mrs. Brandon that we have to go, and we'll let her know if we hear from Alice.

I barge out the door, letting the screen door fly and Ang runs to catch up. I'm in the car with the door slammed shut before she's even made it past the front end.

"Are you seriously upset over what that idiot thinks?" She pulls out of the driveway and we head down the faded asphalt towards the PCH.

I look at her, mouth agape. "She left us. Without a word. After everything we've been through with her the last few weeks. What the fuck?"

Angela sighs and grabs my hand. "She didn't leave _us_, Bella. She left that _house_."

I know she's right, but it doesn't make me any less upset. "How do you not take this personally?"

"Because I'm not going through what she is. Who knows how either of us would react?" She shrugs, pulling my hand with hers. "She's thinking of herself, and right now, that's with Mr. Whitlock. Plus, she's got all those icky pregnancy hormones."

I let that stew, a little mad that Angela is always the level-headed one while I let my emotions soar. "I'm guess I'm just worried."

"She is going to get a hold of us. I'm sure of it."

"What if she's lying? What if she showed up, told him he's about to be a daddy and he threw her out? She could be scared and huddled under a highway overpass. She could be begging on the streets."

"Mr. Whitlock is too chill and kumbaya to just throw out his pregnant girlfriend. Plus, I believe she's telling the truth about their relationship." She jiggles my hand and laughs lightly. "Next you'll have her hustling johns over on Hollywood Boulevard."

"I've seen those afterschool specials." I nod.

"I think we just have to wait for her to come to us, B. She will."

I let go of her hand and light us both a ciggie. I inhale deeply and settle back, feet on the dash. "I guess you're right," I concede and exhale slowly.

"I know what would make you feel better," she says, turning the wheel. "Magazine and stolen vodka therapy. Plus, I want to hear all about what's going on with Edward."

Perking up a bit at his name, I fill her in as we're heading towards the Gas 'n Gulp. My blues about Alice fade as I get excited and nervous telling her about the premiere Friday. She grills me about what I'm going to wear as we peruse the magazine rack, and we discuss what options might lie in her closet since she is a tad girlier in the clothing department than me.

As we're picking our way through the new issues of _Glamour_ and _Seventeen_, I glance up to see if the new _Cosmo_ is out yet so I don't have to steal Renee's. Sometimes it's mixed in with the more adult magazines if the manager feels the photo on the cover is a bit risqué.

I skim over the covers of the girly mags wrapped in brown paper across the middle so you can't actually see anything. The faces on these girls all look the same - heavy makeup, blonde hair, vacant expressions meant to lead men on and feel like they're looking right at them. I've got no real objection to pornography, hell me and Ang have been known to steal a Playgirl in the past, but there's something just really sad about these girls propped up in the stand, waiting to be defiled by some gross man or horny boy.

_Playboy. Hustler. Oui. Screw… _and right there, I stop short, my breath lost in my lungs.

Red, shiny lips and overly-curled hair. Brown paper wrapped around her.

Rosalie.

* * *

Friday night I'm pacing my room, double checking I look halfway decent in the dress I borrowed from Angela and making sure the mascara I put on isn't running down my face. I consider having a cigarette out the window but don't want my breath to smell like an ashtray if Edward should decide to kiss me hello.

In front of my father.

When I told Charlie and Renee I'd be attending the shindig tonight as Edward's date, they barely batted an eye. I can hear them laughing in their room, getting ready for the big premiere, and I'm super happy we are all going together and that Edward and I will join them for dinner after like a maybe-couple.

But I'm also queasy as I take a minute and pull the magazine out from under my mattress.

My lips quiver as I look at Rosalie, topless and holding her pointer finger up to her lips like she's about to suck on it. My stomach rolls at the sight, and I have to hold back the nausea much like I did in the store when I grabbed it from the rack speechless and showed Angela. She gasped loudly and quickly shoved the magazine under her shirt. I wanted to take all the copies and throw them in the outside trash, but we left quickly, forgetting our purchases, and drove straight to my house. Angela was the one that flipped through it as I sat on my bed, stunned, and reported that yes, there were more inside. Much more _personal_ ones.

I have no idea where she's been, where she is now, or how to get a hold of her. There is no doubt in my mind that Emmett is behind it all. Part of me wants to go to the lot he works in and bring all the police in Los Angeles, but part of me also wants to keep it as private as possible until I can talk to her. That includes not telling Charlie or Renee. Yet.

And I haven't even _thought_ about what I would say to Edward or how he would react.

The loud bong from the grandfather clock in the hall tells me Edward will be here any minute. Feeling weird about leaving the magazine here when I'm not, I shove it into my hobo bag and hurry to the living room, where I double check my makeup in the mirror over the gold console table. I scowl at my reflection; the lighting here is much different than my room and the glow off the mustard colored shag carpeting makes me look sallow.

Or it could be the puke bubbling in my stomach from seeing my step-sister on a porno mag just as easily.

As I'm fiddling with my hair, Charlie comes down in his blue leisure suit with the matching polyester palm tree shirt. "Going to the disco after dinner, pops?" I grin and do a shooting guns maneuver towards him with my hands.

"Kiddo, I'd tear up the floor."

"No doubt." He goes to the liquor cabinet and starts making a Harvey Wallbanger. I almost ask him to make me one I'm so nervous but figure the answer will be no. "This isn't going to be weird, right?"

"The movie? I hope not. But who knows how artsy fartsy these kids might get." He smiles and his mustache twitches, alerting me that he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"Daaad."

"Do you honestly think I haven't known for a while how that boy feels about you?"

My eyes literally break through the mascara web, jump out of my head and roll across the floor. "Say what now?"

"What now." He laughs, eternally pleased with his teasing until I huff in frustration. "It isn't weird he's finally coming to take you on a date, no."

"What do you mean, _finally_?"

Just as Charlie is about to answer, Renee comes into the room, filling the air with her favorite Faberge perfume. She's got a long, multi-colored dress on, the opalescent sequins picking up the light and shimmering as she moves.

Charlie whistles at her as she takes his drink and sips. My eyes fill suddenly, images of a similar scene played out before me as a little kid when my parents would go out for the night and I'd be staring at them like they were movie stars.

"You guys look great," I say, dabbing at my eye so the black ink doesn't form rivers across my cheeks. "I should take a picture." I run to the office and grab my dad's Instamatic, making sure it has a fresh Magicube.

"Okay, stand by the fireplace," I direct, but Charlie protests.

"I'd rather have a picture of my two gals." He takes the camera from me and I huddle next to Renee, her arm going around my waist as we stand there. "You're not going to argue?" he asks me. "You hate getting your picture taken. You always run away."

"I do?" The bare walls. All the pictures of Rosalie. I realize there are no pictures of me because I'm a jerk and haven't let them _take_ any of me. "Well, I want this picture," I answer, and smile for the flash.

There's a knock on the screen. "I can take one of you three, if you like." Edward appears in the doorway and I suck in a breath.

His hair is combed, but not too much, and he's got on a nice pair of gray pants, paired with a white button-up shirt. There's no tie on the wide collar, just his puka shells on display. I'm glad he doesn't have a matching jacket on like Charlie.

He looks so handsome, I want to replace my Andy Gibb poster with one of him.

Charlie is the first to move and hands Edward the camera. "Thanks, son." We pose the three of us with me in the middle and smile huge when Edward tells us to say 'cheese'.

However, I then become mortified when Renee tells Charlie to take a picture of me and Edward. "We're not going to prom!" I cry, but it's too late. Edward has his arm around me and pulls me into his side. We smile and pose before I say we're going to be late just to get out of the awkward situation.

Even though I know when those pictures come in, I'll ask Charlie to make duplicates for me.

No one says anything when Edward leads me to his dad's car instead of piling into Charlie's. We say we'll see them there and Edward pulls away.

"What's with the car?" My hand runs over the dashboard of the El Camino. It's a sweet ride.

"I didn't think you'd want to get your hair messed up in the Jeep. Not tonight." He smiles and I melt on the black vinyl seat at just how thoughtful he is.

"Won't Esme complain about her own?"

"Your parents are picking them up."

"Oh." We lapse into silence and I'm more nervous around him than I've ever been. I don't know if it's leftover energy from worrying about him picking me up, the fact that I didn't get to question Charlie further, or that this finally feels like a date-date.

Edward reaches over the bench seat and takes my hand from my lap. I hope it isn't clammy. "You look really pretty tonight."

"Thanks. You look really pretty, too." As soon as it comes out, I cringe but Edward just laughs. "I'm sorry, I'm nervous," I blurt and this can't get any worse.

"Why?" His thumb runs over my palm.

"This feels… different."

"Different bad?" He grins, because he must be enjoying the fact that I'm a dork.

"No, just…" I trail off and desperately want to pull my hand away so I can flip the mirror down and check the hellish mascara again.

Suddenly, Edward pulls the car over into a parking lot. He keeps it running as he slides closer to me, and before I know it, my face is in his hands and he's kissing me like he never has before. It's not the kind we've shared lately–sweet, tentative and new. This one is full-on make-out worthy _with tongue_ and I think I'm going to pass out. After months and months of dreaming and wondering what it would feel like to be properly kissed by this boy, I finally know.

Edward Cullen is a fantastic kisser.

He's so good that I get caught up quickly, and I can't help it when my arms automatically circle his waist, pulling him closer. He deepens the kiss even more and presses his body against mine as much as he can in the tight space. His hands move to the back of my neck and his fingers lightly splay into my hair, holding me to him.

After a few blissful moments of that, he pulls back slightly and I can feel him pant against my lips.

"Wow," I whisper, dazed.

"Wow bad?" he teases.

I shake my head, his hands still on my neck. "Wow good. Definitely wow good."

* * *

**PB Fun Fact 1:** My mom would make my dad one Harvey Wallbanger every night when he got home from work. He'd sip it and read the comics to me and my siblings. Every time I see that tall bottle of Galliano in a bar, I smile.

**PB Fun Fact 2:** My mom had this dress I describe on Renee. It was long, halter-style, and all different colors. It had those clear but opalescent sequins on the whole thing, and it would shine and sparkle when she moved. She'd wear it when they were going to a fancy event, and I'd look at them like they were celebrities. I loved it so much, I would just sit and stare at it when it was hanging in her closet.

**Thanks to my two girls that would definitely stuff a porno mag up under their shirts for me, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"**And sometimes when we touch  
****The honesty's too much  
****And I have to close my eyes  
****And hide  
****I want to hold you till I die  
****Till we both break down and cry  
****I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides" - **_"Sometimes When We Touch", Dan Hill, It was Hill's biggest hit, peaking at #3 on the United States Billboard Hot 100 in March of 1978._

* * *

When we pull up to the UCLA theater, Edward comes around to open my door and takes my hand. It isn't awkward when we meet up with our parents and he doesn't let it go. Esme and Carlisle just say hello and barely give our clasped hands a glance, and we all walk down the red carpet the student film association has put out for the event. There are lots of people milling about, and Edward tells us that it is rumored past alumnus Francis Ford Coppola has attended before. I look around the crowd for him, but I'm not really sure what he looks like so I give up.

He grips my hand tightly as we walk through the crowd looking for Jared and Glen. "Are you nervous?" I ask.

"Sort of. I mean, I know it's a good short film, but you just never know."

"It's going to be awesome, don't worry. I'll still whistle even if it bombs."

"Gee, thanks." He grins and pulls me to where the guys are. I can tell they are also nervous waiting for it to start already. The usual pleasantries are exchanged between the guys and our folks until finally the announcement comes for the students to report to someone named Mr. Rubenstein and Edward takes a deep breath. Our parents wish him luck and he kisses me sweetly on the cheek before going into the theater. We follow a few minutes later when it's announced the audience can take our seats and settle in for what Edward says will be about two hours of films.

My body is vibrating and I'm fidgety waiting for Edward's turn. We watch the first one, about a couple going through a divorce. It makes me think of what Rosalie said about Charlie and Renee, and I glance at them in the dark, their faces reflecting the light from the screen. They're holding hands and I decide that Rosalie really is full of shit, while I subconsciously put my hand on my bag. I don't know a lot about how she and Renee lived before Charlie and I showed up, but there has to be a lot of anger there to spew lies and be able to do what she's doing to herself.

I shake my head of thoughts and give a valiant effort to focus on the films. The next one is pretty out-there, or artsy fartsy as Charlie said. There are a lot of people dressed in white jumping around for some reason with big balls that are supposed to be the planets. A monotone voice over drones through the theater, and I almost fall asleep until I feel Esme bump my arm.

"This is it!" she says proudly and I sit up straighter, searching out the back of Edward's perfect head ten rows ahead of us.

I recognize the beginning instantly since I've seen the rough cut and poke Charlie in the ribs when he comes on screen. He's grinning ear-to-ear and I'm happy he's enjoying seeing himself thirty feet tall. The changes I remember them talking about are all there and even though I had no doubt they knew what they were doing, the final product is perfect.

When the last credit rolls off the screen, the crowd starts to applaud and I jump up on my feet, the promised wolf-whistle coming out of me loudly. The guys stand like the other filmmakers did after their films and wave to the crowd. The smile on Edward's face is huge as he laughs at me whistling, making a fool of myself, but I don't care. I'm so proud of him.

Unfortunately, there are two more films after that because all I want to do is go to him and hug him silly. But we watch patiently and I have to admit they're pretty good. Not as good as Edward's, of course, but interesting enough.

As soon as the lights come on, I see Edward standing to walk back to us. I hesitate in our row, giving his parents the opportunity to congratulate him first, but he reaches over my parents and grabs me, pulling me into the aisle and giving me a huge hug right in front of everyone.

Carlisle and Esme are right there after, hugging him and telling him how good it was, and my parents follow suit. We file out of the theater and our parents drink wine and nibble on some cheese as Edward gets interrupted frequently by people congratulating him and giving him wonderful praise. I'm so happy that others recognize that it was definitely the best one tonight.

I beam brightly by his side as Edward keeps his arm draped over my shoulders casually like we've stood like that hundreds of times.

* * *

The Polynesian Room is straight out of a bad Elvis movie.

The bar has a thatched roof of palm fronds hanging over it, there are Tiki face masks hanging on every floral-papered wall, and everything looks to be made out of bamboo. The waiters and waitresses all have Hawaiian shirts on and now I know why Charlie picked the one he did. The music over the speakers makes me look around for Bobby Brady playing the ukulele with Don Ho before Greg gets into the epic surf accident.

We squeeze into a small, round leather booth in the corner which causes Edward's thigh to press up against mine. Renee's is pressed against my other in the tight space, but I choose to focus on his.

Charlie orders a round of Mai Tais and I'm surprised when he includes me. "You're going to be eighteen in a few days, live it up."

"A few days?" Edward's eyebrows rise. "I didn't know."

"Yup, and still no car," I dig at Charlie, who just shrugs. Maybe I'm getting one. That would be out of this world. Unless it's a Pinto.

The drinks arrive and we cheer Edward and clink Tiki head glasses, reliving the screening again while Esme talks about how famous he's going to be. The mood is light and I purposefully forget all about the _thing_ nestled away in my bag.

We nosh on a Pu Pu platter for six, pork stir fry, barbecue beef and pineapple rice. I don't point out that this is exactly what the Chinese restaurant down the street serves, enjoying the fact that Edward isn't making me eat something like octopus Laua, which I learned about when Carl Rauch gave his oral report on Hawaii.

Happily stuffed and slightly buzzed, I barely flinch when Edward puts his hand around me on the back of the banquette and rubs my shoulder lazily. I lean into him a bit and sigh.

I hope Carlisle is driving home because Charlie has to be drunk when he utters 'what took you two so long to realize you had feelings for each other' right before I hear him say 'ow' and bend down to rub his shin, glaring at Renee.

"Oh my God," I say and put my hand over my face, while Edward just kind of sputters beside me. I point at Charlie. "No more Mai Tais for you!"

"I think we're all wondering," Esme slurs and I hope to CHRIST that Carlos is due to come tomorrow 'cause I know how this evening is ending.

"Okay, thanks for dinner," I bark, putting my hands on the table and standing, waiting for Edward to get a clue and let me out.

We shuffle out of the booth awkwardly, I rattle all the glasses as I pretty much pull the tablecloth with me, and it's so not the exit I was hoping for.

Out on the sidewalk, I turn to Edward. "I'm really sorry about that, Charlie shouldn't drink whatever is in a Mai Tai."

Edward laughs and puts his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, it's fine. I'm not embarrassed."

"You should be," I argue, but smile at him anyway because he's so cute.

"So… when _did_ you realize you had feelings for me?" he teases and I want to barf egg roll all over his shoes.

"I realized you were a jerk really early on."

"Bella Swan, do you have _feeeeelings_ for me?"

"You're drunk too."

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. "Okay, I'll stop teasing."

"Thank you."

"But we're gonna revisit this. Wanna go to Mac's?"

He must feel when my whole body tenses.

"You don't want to?" He pulls back and almost looks hurt.

"It's not that I don't want to, trust me, I want to … " Hell, I want to take a billboard out on Sunset advertising that Edward Cullen just kissed me silly not three hours ago. "I just…" I think about Rosalie. I can't say it because he doesn't know about the time bomb in my bag, but I'm worried about what seeing us together might do to her. She's been so erratic and already thinks none of us care about her. "What if… _people_ are there?" He breaks away from me slightly, and I worry he'll never come back.

Edward is a lot more astute than I give him credit for. "Look, the facts are that me and Rosalie are finished. We have been for a pretty long time now, you know that. I'm not going to hide from her, I don't want to hide this. Life goes on. And my life at this moment is wanting to hang out with you. We're not doing anything wrong."

My eyes move back and forth looking in his, and I love the amount of confidence and self-assuredness I see there.

I squeeze his biceps. "Let's go to Mac's."

* * *

Mac's is absolutely packed. A quick scan of the parking lot shows no Rosalie, no Emmett, no gold Trans Am. I'm jumpy nonetheless.

"Okay. So… we're here ... together," I say stupidly, realizing suddenly that everyone is going to see us exit this car together. I know how teenagers' minds work. They're going to whisper and gossip, and I'll be the center of attention.

My hands twist in my lap nervously until Edward pulls one into his. "Bella, what are you so apprehensive about?"

I take a deep breath. "I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I know. I just…"

"If Rosalie is here, we say hello, and we move on and do what we were going to do. Hang out with our friends."

"Well, that's the problem."

"What is?"

I sigh. "This is going to sound completely stupid, but…" I take a shaky breath. Here goes nothing. I turn in my seat to face him. "I'm not really sure where your head is at, or what this is we're doing. I don't know that I'm ready for whatever this is to be shared with other people. I'm not ready to let them know what's going on. Not until _I_ know what's going on."

"Bella–"

"That is, if something _is_ going on. I mean, you might not think this is anything but making out or whatever, fun for now. Maybe there's nothing going on and I don't want people to feel bad for me or whatever if we stop hanging out, like we said we're doing, 'cause they think you dumped me."

"Bella–"

"And I'm okay with that if it _is _just that. I mean, I'd like it to be more, I like you. But I'm an over thinker and a planner and I'm sucking all the fun out of this, aren't I?"

"Frankly, yes." He has the audacity to laugh at me. I frown at him and he starts the car. Great. Now I've really done it.

"Let's go to Zuma instead. We need to talk."

This can't be good.

Seems my Love Boat storyline is sunk before the commercial break.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** My family would frequent (and I mean like, sometimes two or three times a week) a Chinese restaurant in town called Hong Hing that was totally old school. The owners of the restaurant all wore suits, smoked up at the podium and coat check area, and would walk around the tables checking in on everyone. My parents were some of their best customers and they'd sit with us and talk while we ate. We used to be seated before other people, get free fruit platters, etc. The bar area was all thatch-roof tiki style and the bartender wore a Hawaiian shirt. My folks would have a drink in there first and us kids would get a coke and sit in the corner on the floor. As we got older (not legal, yet) it would be the place to go to get a Mai Tai underage. Sadly, they closed their doors when I was in my 20's. My siblings and I still talk about it and mourn it.

**Big thanks as always to my girls, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM… words cannot describe how much fun I had with you two crazy chicks this past weekend. Love you both.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"**And it's been you woman, right down the line."** _– Gerry Rafferty, "Right Down the Line", Released as a single in mid-1978, it reached #12 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100._

* * *

When I first saw Rosalie Hale at Zuma beach, I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

Long blonde hair, svelte tan legs, full red lips. She was there in the middle of a crowd of girls, all gorgeous in their bikinis, but she stood out. There were guys on the fringe of the group, all trying to catch the eye of the stunning girl who tossed her hair easily and threw a megawatt smile at anyone in her vicinity. I was like any red-blooded male, it was easy to be attracted to her movie star good looks and California all-American-beauty vibe.

My group of friends and hers seemed to travel in the same circle, and we'd hang out casually wherever our friends met up, but I never saw her as more than just a girl in the group. One night at a bonfire on Zuma, we ended up sitting next to each other and we chatted, drank beer and smoked a little. She flirted and told me she thought I was good-looking, and I reciprocated, telling her she was pretty. That seemed like enough for us to decide to hang out alone. Things were good with us at first, it was easy, fun, not too serious. We'd go to the movies or hang out at Mac's, attend house parties and bonfires. She'd pretend to watch me surf and I'd pretend I cared that she was.

One night she'd had too much to drink or maybe something triggered it, but she started to tell me a little about her past and I soon saw a side of her that you wouldn't know was there. She wasn't just a beautiful girl with no thoughts in her head, but someone that had more pain than I think anyone would ever guess. She had dark feelings and hidden sorrow, both things she masked from the world with what she thought others wanted to see–the face, the body, the giggle, the hair-tossing, the smile.

She said she felt comfortable with me, something she hadn't felt with another person in a long time, so she began to open up to me more about her troubled past. I'd listen and nod, and I think that's one of the things she liked about me the most at first, that I'd hear her out and just let her be who she waswithout judgement. I didn't make her feel like she needed to be someone else, someone perfect.

She was ten when her father left her and her mother without any warning. He just never came home from work one day. Left them practically penniless and Renee had to work two jobs to try to make the rent on a small studio apartment. Rosalie told me she'd wait at the window, convinced he was about to pull up, ice cream in hand, and things would be okay. She told everyone she knew that her daddy was on vacation and he'd be taking them back to their house real soon, where her toys and her stuffed animals waited for her.

Of course, they weren't there. And of course, he never came back.

Never a visit, never a call, never a birthday card. She didn't even know where he was now.

And then came Tony. Rosalie was excited about it at first, she'd missed having a father, and she tried to be a good girl so he wouldn't want to go away. But when Tony began to get rough with Renee and verbally abusive to both of them, a part of Rosalie thought maybe this was just the way it was with men. She watched Renee put up with it for far too long, and inside, Rosalie's self-esteem went out the window with Renee's.

Renee finally kicked Tony out, started to reclaim her life, and two years later Charlie came into the picture and swept Renee off her feet.

He was charming, good-looking, and was really nice to Rosalie. He'd bring her gifts and dance with them both in the living room. Renee seemed happier than ever and regained the spark Rosalie remembered from her childhood, but in reality, Rosalie was just waiting for the moment he would leave, just like they all did.

The things she told me were hard to hear, but it explained so much when things started going downhill, which they did rather quickly because a relationship based on one-sided need tends to self-destruct.

I tried to understand the whys of her actions and accept them, tried to sympathize even, but it was becoming harder to separate what I knew she needed from what I couldn't or didn't necessarily want to give while getting nothing in return.

It got tiring. The constant insecurity her flirting seemed to ease for her, only fixed in her mind by her ability to win men over. She'd pick fights–often cruelly–as a way to get my attention when she thought she had lost it. It all began to build up, and I knew things weren't going to last between us much longer.

I started going to her place for dinner at her insistence. I never really knew if she wanted me there to try to get us closer again, or to make herself feel like someone wanted her, but I went, still feeling sorry for her past and not wanting to give up on someone that needed love so badly. Her mother's food was horribly inedible, but being with her and being her friend if that's what she needed was what mattered in the moment.

Until I met her step-sister.

Bella Swan was the complete opposite of Rosalie Hale. Snarky, quick-witted, funny as fuck. She made each meal bearable while we choked down weird mystery meat and I had to fend off Renee's martini-induced touches on my arm plus duck Rosalie's mood swings.

She was so confident, so different from what sat next to me that I couldn't help but be attracted to her. She would say shit she shouldn't that would make my dick stir under the table and make my legs shake. I'd have to close my eyes or look at the sky so no one would see how much she affected me or how much I wanted to look at her, because besides her sharp mind and even sharper tongue, her wavy brunette hair and soulful chestnut eyes made my insides somersault like not even Rosalie's stunning beauty had done.

I didn't want to hurt fragile Rosalie, I truly didn't. Even though I had my suspicions she was seeing someone else. So I kept showing up, and I told myself it was because I vowed to be a friend to Rosalie.

But in reality, I had fallen head over heels in love with the girl across the table.

* * *

"You what?" I say, voice shaky as I stare at Edward, wide-eyed.

"I fell in love with you. I think it was meat loaf night."

"I think I just had a stroke. You're in _love_ with me?"

"Yes." My eyes burn and my tongue feels itchy and it's all I can do to not find a payphone and call Angela, but they're hard to find at Zuma. "Say something," he pleads, grabbing my hands and moving his thumbs across my palms as we sit on his beach blanket, facing each other.

"I think this is maybe the first time I actually have nothing to say." My eyes dart between his, and I see a bit of worry creeping in. "Wait! I do! I have something to say!" I take a deep breath and say the thing I never, ever, _ever_ thought I'd have a chance to say.

I pull one hand from his and cover my face, first. "I have been in love with you for a really long time. Like _months_, which is an eternity at my age." I peek one eye at him from behind closed fingers.

"Months?" He looks a little surprised but pretty happy at this, I hope. He gives me that lazy, oh-so-sexy smile and I put my hand back in his, satisfied I didn't just make a fool of myself. "Do tell."

"Nuh-uh, you first. Just in case this _is_ some huge practical joke and I'm about to be on _Candid Camera_." I look around for Allen Funt to pop out from behind the lifeguard stand.

"I–" he begins but I quickly cut him off, my nervous energy taking over the conversation as I grip his hands too tightly.

"When did you know? I mean, I mentioned how you never spoke to me. All that time? Seriously?"

"Like I said, I think it was meat loaf night. You threw your portion in the bushes when no one was looking and you won me over." At my look of annoyance, he laughs. "I don't know. I started coming over and you just had this energy about you I was attracted to. You were funny and said things that made me choke. You had a really good relationship with Charlie and I just felt … better when you were around."

"You always looked really annoyed when I spoke."

"I was trying not to laugh or appear infatuated. I just thought it was smarter if I didn't concentrate too hard on you."

"Why?" I ask, half dizzy that any of this could be true.

"Rosalie. I told you she's insecure, well, she mentioned a few times how she was jealous of you, of your camaraderie with Charlie, even how Renee seemed to gravitate towards you. You always had the focus at dinner because you were funny and seemed so comfortable in your own skin. She never saw herself that way and I couldn't be a jerk and ignore her to pay attention to you, the one person she thought she couldn't compete with."

"Compete with? Me?" I screech.

"Bella, I don't think you see yourself clearly." He shifts on the blanket closer to me, raises our hands and starts playing with my fingers in the space between us. "There's a self-assuredness to you that not many girls have. It's very attractive, the wit and confidence. Sexy, too."

Whoa. "You think my wit is sexy?" I whisper, afraid for all of this to dissipate in the air and hang heavy like the LA smog.

"The rest of you, too."

Kissing him silly seems like the right thing to do, but I have so many more burning questions that I don't want him to forget the answers to because of my stellar make-out skills. "You barely ever looked at me at Tasty Dog. You never let me wait on you."

"I carried a lot of guilt where my feelings were concerned. I did my best to avoid you, when I could. I'm sorry if it made you feel like I didn't like you. I was trying to make things easier on _me_."

"But you crashed two of my dates with Jared."

"Bella, why do you think that is?"

"There are a lot of reasons that come to mind. You wanted to get away from Rosalie, or you hated me and didn't want me to have any fun."

"It was the opposite of hate, I think." He smirks. "Bella, everything about you drives me crazy."

I'm still in disbelief. "You crashed so you could … be near me?"

"I couldn't imagine letting Jared be alone with you, even though I knew it was for the best. That was the selfish side of me I mentioned on the pier."

"The night you said you didn't want me to say things like road head. You made it seem like it would've been fine coming from anyone _but_ me."

"You were killing me inside, when you would say things like that. Every time you put that vision in my head, I had to recite surfing stats just so I could function."

_That_ knowledge makes me feel as sexy as Charo. _Cuchi cuchi!_ I lean in, and this kiss feels so much different after all these revelations. I want to kiss him for days, but I pull back after a minute.

"I never did, just so you know. The um, road head thing with him."

"That _is_ good to know."

"It was hard for me to see you with Rosalie, like, making out at the movie theater or whatever."

He sighs and looks down. "I was dating her, I was confused about you. I did what boyfriends do. I thought you were into Jared. I'm sorry if that hurt you in anyway."

"I wasn't. Into Jared, I mean."

"Good." His smile is as bright as the Hollywood sign. "But I think I'll pretend anything that might've happened between the two of you didn't, if you don't mind."

"I didn't sleep with him, just so you know," I blurt. Maybe it's too early to throw that out there, but I figured if we're being truthful, might as well go all the way. Besides, he apparently likes my ability to disarm him. "I'll try to do the same with you and Rosalie."

"I didn't sleep with Rosalie."

"Um. WHAT?"

"Rosalie and I never slept together."

My eyes are wide. "Why not?" I ask, not caring how personal that might be.

"We weren't dating very long, and things weren't good between us, not good enough for me to take that step. Like I said, I like to think I'm a nice guy."

I stare at him, open-mouthed for a moment, right before I jump him.

My lips crash into his and he holds me as we fall back. I don't even care that we're getting sand all in his beautiful hair, I'll volunteer to wash it out later. He holds onto me tightly and we lay like that, mouths moving together. I don't know if Edward feels the same way, but kissing him without any hesitation or doubt in my mind, filled with all the knowledge I have now, feels like a relief.

Like all the questions in all the world have been answered and there's nothing to stand in our way.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** Charo was a HUGE celebrity when I was a kid. She was constantly making appearances on variety shows and was a staple on Love Boat for some reason. When I was in fourth grade, I begged my parents for a sequin tube top like the kind I'd seen her and all the disco-loving people wear. They got me a red one, but I was under strict orders that I couldn't wear it outside of the house. I fooled them once, and wore it under a red gingham checked shirt to a Brownie event.

**Thanks to my very own girls across the table, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM. I fell head over heels for you both instantly.**

* * *

**Very important A/N!  
****I will be taking two weeks off, I'm going on vacation.**

**See you in mid-November!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 **

"**Whenever I call you friend  
****I begin to think I understand  
****Anything we are  
****You and I have always been forever and ever." **_– Kenny Loggins, "Whenever I Call You Friend", reached #5 in the autumn of 1978. "Whenever I Call You 'Friend'" is a duet with Stevie Nicks, who, though credited on the album track, is not credited on the single, making "Whenever I Call You 'Friend'," in effect, Loggins's first major solo hit._

* * *

His hands are moving up and down my back as he gently flips us. He's more thoughtful than me when he moves the blanket so my head is resting on that instead of the sand. He kisses me slow and I can't help but keep my eyes open. I'm still in shock about all the stuff he told me, like how he's felt towards me all this time, and if his tongue wasn't in my mouth right now, I'd probably think I was dreaming.

But it is, so I go with it.

His fingers tangle in my hair and his body shifts, pressing his weight on me. There's no hesitation like there's been before when we've been in this position, he's all business right now, kissing the life out of me with a need I haven't felt from him before. My arms are wrapped around his neck and when he holds my head in his hands and rubs against me a bit, I have to fight the urge to open my legs and welcome him in because I don't want to scare him off. His fingertips move and surf down my body, lightly stroking my side before they stop at my hip and rest there, clutching my skin through the dress.

He gives a small moan before his mouth slows and decreases pressure. We both take a deep breath, and he's looking down at me, smiling. "Have you had your eyes open the whole time?"

"No. I closed them for about a second somewhere in there. I'm pretty sure."

He leans down and kisses me sweet, first on my lips, then on my cheek, chin, forehead and lips again. I've never felt so adored under someone's touch.

He shifts and leans to the side, propping his head in his hand while moving his thumb in soft circles across my stomach. "Dear lord, you're going to kill me. You're a fantastic kisser."

"I know." I throw him a goofy smile. "So why aren't you still kissing me?"

"Can't I just enjoy laying here with you like this?"

_Gah_. "Sure." I turn into him, reaching out to play with one of the buttons on his shirt, still high at the idea that I can just _do_ things like this. "I've enjoyed everything about tonight. I wasn't lying, you know. Your film was the best. I'm really proud of you."

"I wouldn't normally admit this, but I think I agree with you. There were some studio people there tonight. One approached me about an internship, so that's a good sign."

I smack him solidly in the chest. "You're just telling me this now?"

"I had more urgent business with you than that."

"Edward, that is so cool! Are you going to do it?"

He sighs. "Between school and that, I don't know that I'd have much time with you, and you're kind of my favorite thing right now."

That earns him a solid smack on the lips. "You _have_ to do it. Don't worry about me. I still have a year of high school left where I have to figure out what's next." I laugh.

He groans and lowers his head to my chest, and I can't breathe with how couple-y this feels. "I'm dating a high-schooler."

"You might be, but apparently she's a really good kisser."

"I plan to kiss her a lot. Like, _a lot_."

"She plans to let you." I smile, but feel slightly nervous. "Does that bother you? That I'm still in high school?"

"Not at all. Anyone that knows you knows you aren't some stupid bubble-headed girl, and I don't care what anyone thinks, anyway." His hand slides up to my neck and he grips it. It's so hot. "You and I both know what this is between us, that's all that matters." He leaves my neck and traces my lips with his thumb.

His touch makes me as stupid as Chrissy Snow. "So this is a thing now? We're official?"

He smiles huge. "Yes. We can go to Mac's with no fear that I'm never going to hang out with you again in public."

The thought of Mac's reminds me that I have a grenade in my bag. Fucking Rosalie is still messing up my shit. But this time, I'm more worried than mad.

I try to get my mind off of it when I lean in to kiss him, which he returns whole-heartedly. We make out for a while, his hand floating around my stomach, my hip, my thigh, but staying respectable on the public parts of my body. I'm dying to know what it would feel like to have him touch me in all the non-public places, but this night is too sweet to turn into a–

I was about to say porno.

There is no way I can sit here and get all worked up with Edward when I've got a girlie mag with Rosalie buck-naked on the glossy cover swimming behind my eyes.

I slow our kissing and pull away, looking down at his shirt which somewhere along the way, I've snaked my hand into. "Edward," I say apprehensively.

"Yes?" He's breathy, looking at my mouth with hooded eyes and I debate whether or not to ruin this night.

"Besides what we are now, we are _friends_, right?"

"I'd like to think that's how we _started_, and now we're more. But friends, always."

Swoon, he's so cute. "What if I had to tell you something horrible?"

He pulls back and gives me the stink eye. "You breaking up with me already, Swansong?"

"Not even in the realm of possibility."

"Let me guess. You're secretly looking forward to _The Wiz_ coming out?"

"Yes, I am actually and as my boyfriend you now have to take me, but that's not it."

"Okay, lay it on me."

I sigh and against everything in me telling me to stay, I pull away from Edward and get up. Grabbing my bag from his dad's car, I carry it over and sit with it in my lap. He's looking at the bag with amusement, and I know he's about to feel something much, much different.

Pulling out the magazine, I hold the cover to my chest. "I saw this at the store, and I don't know what to do about it. This might upset you, and I'm sorry, I just need advice."

"You're scaring me." He smirks.

I hold it out to him and search his face. At first, he's still looking at me as he takes it, but then, when he looks down, I see his face change from bemused curiosity to shock, before it morphs into anger.

His fingers tighten, wrinkling the sides of the magazine. "What the fuck is this?" His words come out slow, hushed.

I know he's not expecting an answer to that. "Angela and I saw it on the rack yesterday. I don't know what to do."

He doesn't say anything more for a while, just stares at it with his eyes narrowed and mouth drawn tight. Finally, he puts it face down on the blanket. "I assume there's more in there?" His voice is terse.

"Angela said so, yes."

"Emmett."

I don't say anything, just nod in agreement. He puts his face in his hands and rubs up and down. I don't know if I should touch him or what, so I just sit there, hating the fact that I'm wondering if he's upset and feels responsible she's on the cover of a nudie mag looking like a whore, or possibly deciding that she needs him more than I do.

"Do I try to find her? Tell Charlie and Renee…?"

He looks up and there isn't sorrow in his face, there's anger. "What do you mean try to find her?"

"She hasn't been really at the house at all. She stayed out for two days straight a while ago. I haven't seen her since."

"I think it's obvious where she is. Or with whom."

"Are you very upset?"

"Of course I'm upset! Rosalie is dabbling in pornography. Who knows how far this has gone already?"

I hadn't thought of that. "You think she'll do more?"

"If she isn't, she soon will be." He finally loses the angry face and sighs, before looking at me. "There's a guy at school who has a cousin in the industry. He makes adult films and he says it's booming over in Encino now. Digital video makes it really cheap and easy to produce shit like that quickly. We're not talking artsy _Deep Throat_ stuff, we're talking down and dirty pornography. The things he told me about the whole thing are just awful. It's really seedy."

"It's not your fault, Edward," I say, raking my fingers through the sand nervously. Way to ruin the night, Swan.

"No, it isn't. But maybe I should've seen it coming."

"Do you… think you should go find her? I'd understand if this has changed things now, you wanting to you know, go help Rosalie."

Edward's face falls and he grabs my sand-covered hand. "Bella, this has nothing to do with us. Do I feel bad that Rosalie is getting involved in something like this? Fuck yes, of course I do." He looks up at the sky, like he's searching for words. "The type of girl she is, she's going to do what she wants, what makes her feel important, regardless of what we think of it. If I'd had any idea she was on the edge of this… I could've maybe talked to her about it or something, but it probably wouldn't have changed the outcome anyway," he sighs.

He pulls me into a hug and I feel instantly better "This hasn't changed anything about us or how I feel about you. It's you and me, now, that's it. All we can do is help her if she needs it, but as for me leaving you to solve her problems? Not gonna happen."

I put my arms around his waist and inhale his scent. "I'm sorry to lay this on you."

"It's exactly what you should've done. I don't want you carrying stuff around like this alone now that you've got me."

We look out at the water, lost in our thoughts, and he lulls me into a state of calm as he rubs his hand lazily across my shoulder.

"I think I should tell Charlie and Renee. I know she's nineteen, but they're still her parents. I just don't want her to hate me."

"If you if you want me to be there when you do, I will be." I look up at him, his beautiful face lit by moonlight and I feel a blanket of protection around me I've never felt from someone before.

"Thank you. But I think I need to do it alone. Just the three of us."

He nods against the top of my head. "And Bella, if she hates you for this, she hates you. That's on her. Hopefully someday, she'll realize you did it because you love her."

I hope he's right.

* * *

The next morning, I take a deep breath and walk down the hallway slowly, magazine in hand.

I can hear Charlie and Renee laughing in the kitchen, slurping coffee and eating. I don't smell anything dying so I assume Charlie went to get some donuts which he does occasionally on a Saturday when they aren't hungover and cleaning up after a Friday night soiree.

"Good morning, sweetie!" Renee says brightly as I sit at the kitchen table, stuffing the magazine under my butt. "Did you enjoy the rest of your night, last night?" She rests her chin in her hand and looks at me all starry-eyed.

"I did. Uh, I guess Edward and I are dating now."

Charlie slaps his hand down on the table. "I knew it! Pay up, Renee." He smiles and holds his hand out to her. She just waves him off and looks back at me.

"Well, that's exciting, isn't it?"

"I get the feeling you guys aren't surprised," I say dryly.

"No one is surprised except the two of you." Charlie laughs.

"Glad you find my love life so funny. When did you even begin to think he had feelings for me?"

"That boy has been looking at you across the dinner table like a lovesick fool for months." My traitor father smiles at me.

"Is that why you told him to watch me?" I'm still incensed about that, regardless of his good intentions.

"One of you needed a push. It was painful to watch you both denying what was obvious. Esme and I spoke about it at length." Renee answers.

"Holy hell." I palm my face, but secretly, I'm smiling like a loon inside. "Aren't you… upset? I mean, he _was_ Rosalie's boyfriend."

At the mention of her daughter's name, Renee sighs. "Love is fickle. My daughter even more so." She closes her eyes a moment and Charlie rests his hand on her arm.

"That wasn't ever going to be a relationship that had any legs. I trusted that Edward would do the right thing where she was concerned while he figured it out," he says, stroking her skin.

"He did. I uh… we didn't even really talk until they'd broken up."

"He's such a nice boy," Renee says, almost sadly. I can see the wheels turning, probably wishing Rosalie didn't push such a nice guy away. I'm glad she doesn't seem upset that he went for me instead.

"He is." I pour some OJ from the yellow daisy-print pitcher into a matching juice glass and grab a donut more for just something to do with my hands that know they should be pulling out the magazine instead of feeding my mouth. Taking a bite, we talk some more about the premiere, and I tell them about the internship the studio offered Edward. Renee presses me for girl talk about what transpired between us after we left, wanting all the romantic details. I leave out all the kissing stuff, but throw her a bone when I tell them a little about the things we confessed to each other.

Charlie repeatedly tells Renee he won whatever bet they had about us. They look so happy and kinda smug, as they listen to me talk about Edward while we eat crullers and Boston cremes, drink coffee and tease each other like a happy little TV sitcom family with no problems.

Ruining their morning is going to suck.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact: **I had an 'older' father, so instead of going to Disney and stuff we'd take family vacations to Bermuda. (I know, I know, tough life, but when you're a kid, you wanna see Mickey). Anyway, one summer the hotel was playing _The Wiz_ on repeat for some reason, and I'd take every opportunity we weren't doing something else to watch it. One night, they found me in the ballroom all by myself watching it alone. Loved that movie.

**Lots of love and thanks to the two people I would go to a used car lot for and defend them with my life, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

"**Goodbye doesn't mean forever  
****Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean  
****We'll never be together again  
****If you wake up and I'm not there, I won't  
****Be long away  
**'**Cause the things you do my Goodbye Girl  
****Will bring me back to you." **_– David Gates, "Goodbye Girl", a song by the lead singer of Bread. In 1978 following the premiere of the hit movie of the same name, the song reached number 15 on the Billboard Hot 100 in April._

* * *

Charlie grips the magazine much like Edward did. I can see the veins in his wrists pulsing as his stare gets darker and his mouth forms into a thin line under his mustache.

"Where did you get this?" he asks, and even though I know he's not really asking _where_, I answer with the obvious because I don't know what else to say.

"The pharmacy."

He places it down in front of him and his hands make fists. His voice comes out calm, but there's no question he's anything but. "I'm gonna kill him."

For a second, I'm worried he's thinking this was Edward.

"I'm going to go down to that used car lot, bring every state trooper within a twenty-five-mile radius to witness me choking out that bastard."

I'm surprised he knows about Emmett. "Wouldn't you get arrested right away? I mean, you wouldn't want the cops there, I'd think."

Charlie doesn't look up from the magazine, but his voice remains even. "Bella, shut up."

I'm not dumb. "Yes, sir."

Renee is oddly quiet next to Charlie. She's not looking at the magazine but she's not looking at us, either. I'm about to ask her if she's okay when I see one tear slide down her cheek. I can't even imagine how heartbreaking this is for her to find out.

"Did you have any idea this was going on?" He looks up at me with fire in his eyes. I know he's not mad at me, but it sure feels like it.

I think of the coke packet. "No, I didn't know she had done… _this_." I debate telling them about the drugs, but I'm scared to bring it up. "How do you know about Emmett?"

He looks at Renee, then at me. "He's come up in conversation." I think about the fight between Renee and Rosalie I overheard. "You probably know more than her mother and I do about this guy?"

I squirm a little. "I have seen him before with girls that look like that," I nod towards the magazine, "I didn't guess _this_, though. I know he rubs me the wrong way. Everyone thinks he's shady, hanging out at Mac's and stuff."

"Why didn't you tell us how you felt about him?" Charlie accuses.

My eyes bug out at him. "Tell you? What was I supposed to tell you? 'Hey, Rosalie's now dating a drug dealer and skeezeball'? That would've gone over _great_ with her."

"Drug dealer?" Renee gasps.

"She's your sister, you have to look out for each other!" He slams his hand down on the table. Inside, I repeat to myself he's not really mad at me, but it hurts nonetheless.

"Yeah, well this _sister_ of mine had him over and I _told_ her I didn't like it. That I didn't like _him_. You know what she did? She slapped me."

Renee finally looks at me. "She _slapped_ you?" She brings her hands to her face and that's when she starts crying for real. My stomach sinks and I almost wish I hadn't said anything. I can take a slap in the face. What I can't take is the guilt that I might've just ruined their perception of Rosalie further.

Charlie slides closer to Renee and puts his arm around her. He looks at me and sighs. In the span of five minutes, my young-at-heart father has aged a decade. "I'm sorry for taking this out on you. But why didn't you tell us any of this? About Emmett or the drugs. Why didn't you tell us you fought?"

My lip quivers and it hits me that my family is never going to be the same. We've turned a corner we're never going to be able to get back around. I stare at the magazine, at the image that's been branded behind my eyelids every time I close them. I _do_ feel guilty. I should've said something when I saw the coke and when I knew she was seeing him and when she hit me. Maybe I should've talked to her more or talked to someone. _Anyone_.

"I guess I didn't want to get her in trouble." I tear up a bit myself.

"Don't get mad at Bella, Charlie," Renee says quietly from under his arm. "Be mad at me."

Charlie looks down at her, confused. "Why?""

"Because _I _knew."

Whoa. I hold my breath and look between Renee and Charlie nervously. "What do you mean, 'you knew'?" His voice is oddly calm and slightly disbelieving all at the same time. "Knew what, exactly?"

Renee lets out a distressed sigh and her shoulders slump. Charlie keeps his arm around her, but he inches back a bit. "I knew what she was planning on doing. The modeling."

"Modeling? You call this modeling?" Charlie's voice rises. "You… _allowed_ this?"

Renee's voice is shaky and she's staring at Charlie with big, watery eyes. "I didn't _allow_ it, but I knew she was going to do it. It's not like she needed my permission. What was I supposed to do? She's nineteen years old. My relationship with Rosalie isn't a good one, I wasn't going to throw her out on the streets because she wanted to model nude."

Charlie sits staring at Renee, speechless like me. "This isn't nude modeling," Charlie eventually says, sadness in his voice. "This is pornography."

"I can see that," Renee snaps. "I didn't know! You think I like seeing my baby like this? You think this is my dream for her?" She cries harder and I feel for her. After what Edward told me about Rosalie's dad and step-father, I can maybe understand why Renee wouldn't want to be the same kind of shitty parent that disowns her.

Shifting in my chair, I feel uncomfortable, like I'm sitting in on a conversation I have no right to be a part of. I watch Charlie closely, afraid that this is going to do him in–I had no idea he felt so strongly for Rosalie that he'd be so affected by what she does.

It makes me wonder if _Rosalie_ had known of Charlie's fatherly, protective feelings towards her, would she be doing what she's doing? There's no way to know, but it makes me sad she had no idea.

Charlie takes a deep breath and I can see his eyes start to glisten. "Do you know where she is?" he asks her, and I feel guilty I've been so caught up in Edward, I barely noticed when she was home and when she wasn't.

"Emmett has an apartment in Encino. She's been staying there on and off."

As soon as she says it, my blood races. My eyes shift between the two of them, weighing my words. There's no easy way. "Edward said there's a booming business, um, adult films and videotape." I swallow. "In Encino."

"_Oh my god_," Renee wails.

"Renee, you need to call her and tell her to come home so we can talk some sense into her."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to keep this from you, I swear. I thought it was just a phase, something she needed to do to make herself feel better." Renee grips his arm like he's going to walk away.

Instead, Charlie pulls her into a tight hug. "I love that girl, Renee. You are my family, and I need to know everything that goes on so I can help you."

"I was afraid you'd leave us."

He pulls back and puts his hands on her face. "I made vows to you, Renee. I don't take those lightly. And those vows include Rosalie and Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

Renee lets out a loud sob and collapses against Charlie's chest while reaching out a hand to me. I take it, and grip hers firmly. "I'll find Rosalie," she says. "I'll get her home."

I sure hope skeezeballs are listed in the phone book.

* * *

It's almost closing time at the Dog and I'm telling Angela about the morning's events while we listen to disco solely because Cook doesn't like it. Abba is playing loudly and even though I make fun of it, I resist the urge to sing along because I secretly harbor feelings for the Swedish quartet.

"I can't believe she knew," she says, munching on fries and leaning on the customer side of the counter. A fly gets dangerously close to going into her bikini top, so Ang smacks at it but it gets away. I keep telling her to stop putting Love's Baby Soft into her cleavage at the beach.

"Well, she knew she was planning to model nude, I guess she thought it was for an art class or something, not like, porn stuff." I sigh, unable to shake the uneasy feeling I've had since I turned my family upside down. I steal a fry and smear it through her ketchup. "I'm still wondering why she'd do it. Why would she want to take off her clothes and… do those things for a camera?" I wrinkle my nose and shake my head, trying to imagine what she'd get out of it.

"After everything you said Edward told you about Rosalie's history, I can kind of see why the attention she'd be getting would be appealing. Especially if Emmett is making her feel special _for_ it. There's a lot to be said for daddy issues."

"Thanks for the insight, Dr. Joyce Brothers."

"I _am_ planning to major in psychology. I know my shit." She grins, ketchup on her top lip and all. "No, really. Think about it. She's obviously looking to fill some void, and she definitely has problems with her confidence." She nods and takes a sip of her Tab. "Whatever Emmett is to her, he's giving her what she thinks she needs." Angela shrugs.

"I just hate not knowing what's going to happen. It's all so…" I trail off, unable to form the words. I couldn't wait to go to work today, that's how tense I feel being home. I haven't completely said it out loud, but I'm scared. I really don't want Rosalie to get further mixed in with who-knows-what in Encino, but there's very little _I_ can do about it. I'll have to let Charlie and Renee handle it. I feel helpless.

After we polish off her fries, Angela changes the subject and I tell her all about the night before with Edward, happy to have a distraction. Much like Renee and Charlie, she says 'I told you so' about ten times and grills me about the make out session. I can still feel butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it, and I really hope that we can have some more alone time really, really soon.

We're gossiping and giggling while I wait on a few final customers, restock the napkin dispensers and wipe up. The sun is lowering, making everything orange and dreamy and I can't help but think about Edward. I can't wait until he comes by when he's done over at the surf shop. On instinct, like I have all summer, I look over at Cullen's to try and catch a glimpse of him.

Instead of Edward, what I see is Alice walking towards the Dog.

Hand in hand with Mr. Whitlock.

She looks sheepishly at me with her head ducked a little as she gets closer. "Ang," I whisper out the side of my mouth. "Alice."

Angela says 'huh?' too loudly and turns immediately. We stand staring at her as she makes her way to us, while Mr. Whitlock breaks off and sits on top of one of the picnic tables.

"Hi," she says and leans her forearms on the Formica.

"Hi," Ang and I say at the same time. Alice fiddles with a straw, peeling the paper off and scrunching it into a little ball while we wait for her to say something.

"How are you guys?" she asks, which seems like the dumbest thing to say.

"Fine. How are you?" I reply, which seems like the second dumbest thing.

"I'm good." She glances at Mr. Whitlock, and I see him smile brightly at her. "We're good."

"Good," Ang says with a sarcastic tone as she props her elbow on the counter and glares at Alice until she speaks.

"I'm sorry I haven't reached out to you guys. I just… my mother… I had to disappear." She shakes her head and I see the beginning of tears in her eyes.

"You could've told us your plan, Alice. No one knows better than us that telling your mother had to be the worst thing ever. We went to see her, she was… your mother. You know."

Alice sighs and puts her forehead in her hand. "You went there? What happened?"

"She showed us your letter, asked us a bunch of questions. We didn't say anything really and then we left." Alice nods, but doesn't give any more info. "Have you talked to her?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "No. But she's trying to start trouble. I know she called the superintendent, but there was nothing they could do."

"Do about what, you? Or you and Mr. Whitlock?" Ang asks.

"About us. But Jasper had already quit and I'm eighteen."

"So, he's _not_ in trouble?"

"There's nothing for him to be in trouble _for_," she says kind of angrily. "I told them that nothing happened until school ended, and by then Jasper already knew he was quitting."

"So, he quit to be with you, or because he knew he fucked up?" Ang blurts.

She looks at Ang for the first time. "Once we knew we needed to be together, he started looking for a new position."

"And the baby?" I say, warily.

Her face lights up. "Jasper is really happy about it, and so am I. I know I'll be a good mother and he's going to be a great father. He has all these nieces and nephews and he loves children."

"Okay," I say stupidly, thinking about Rosalie's father. She thought he was a good one, too.

Silence falls while Alice grabs another straw and plays with it. I look over at Mr. Whitlock, sitting on the table looking at us with a worried expression. I guess I can be thankful he didn't turn out to be a greaseball who leaves a pregnant, born-again eighteen-year-old with a bun in the oven, but whatever. "What about you? I mean, what about senior year?"

"I'll be going to school where Jasper is working."

I look at Angela and we share a confused glance. "Won't that be… weird? Like, you can't go to school where the father of your baby _works_," Angela says, wrinkling her nose.

"Jasper won't be working for a school. He's got a job as a director for a small theater."

"Where? Like over in Venice or something?"

"Um, no. In New York."

All the air around me gets sucked up into a soundless void, leaving nothing but the pounding of my blood and the thumping of my heart. It's so deafening, it's like the whole beach decided to clam up all at the same time. Even the seagulls seem to have stopped their relentless squawking. "New York?"

"Yes, he'll work and I'll go to school as long as I can. He has a sister who lives there, she's already said she'd help out. We'll be staying with her in Brooklyn until we can find something."

"You're moving to New York?"

"We are."

All the anxiety I've been carrying around–about Rosalie and Alice and all the bad changes in my life and topsy-turvy fucked up shit hits me all at once. Everyone in my life seems to be riding some crazy train and I have no ability to put the brakes on. "So you're just going to be an unwed, pregnant, high school senior in New York where the only person you know is the man that knocked you up and his sister you never met? That sounds like a _great_ plan."

"Whoa, Bella," Angela whispers.

"What? She won't know anyone there." I look from Ang to Alice. "You won't know _anyone_ there. What are you going to do if things don't work out or there's something wrong with the baby or you just get homesick?"

Alice sucks in a breath. "I didn't plan this, but it happened. And I'm happy about it. I'm going to be the kind of mother to this baby that I never had. Why do you want to take that away from me?" Her voice is shaky, on the verge of real tears and I immediately feel horrible. That's two people I've made cry today.

"I don't mean to take it away from you," I sniffle, upset with myself for my outburst more than anything. "If this is what you want then I want you to have it. There are just so many things like this that don't turn out _okay_ for people, Alice. I don't want you to be one of them," I cry, thinking about Rosalie. "I just want things to be okay for you."

Her eyes soften. "You have to trust me, Bella. For the first time I know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing and I'm _happy_." She clutches my hand reassuringly, and as she does, it hits me. Alice has grown up. Maybe she's even surpassed me and Ang, two silly girls gossiping about how good our boyfriends can kiss while we smoke on the hood of a car and listen to Top 40.

"You have to promise you're going to keep in touch with us. You can't just leave and never talk to us again. We have to know…" I trail off.

"I… I'm really sorry, guys. I really am. For everything. For not telling you about me and Jasper, for not telling you I was leaving until now, all of it. I just… it was overwhelming and Jasper said to look out for myself, so I did. I think he meant it more in regard to my parents, but I ended up shutting you guys out, too. I didn't mean to hurt you."

With that, Alice starts crying more than me, so I jump the counter and hug her. Angela shows some emotion and caves, putting her arms around us both.

"Alice, we love you. And if you love Mr. Whitlock and he loves you too, then that's all that matters," Ang says and I swear I hear a shake in her voice, as well. We're a big, sloppy sobbing mess and when I look up, I see waiting customers standing a good ten feet away with scared looks on their faces.

I also see our former history teacher walking our way.

With a wipe to my nose on Alice's shirt, I step away from her and Angela releases her too.

"Hi, ladies."

"Uh, hi, Mr…"

"Jasper. You can call me Jasper, I think." He kind of half-laughs and I can tell he's nervous.

"Yeah," I say, but don't do any such thing.

Alice slips under his arm and she does look like she fits there, I have to admit. He's cradling her and they both look so happy I can't help but let go of some of my fear.

Besides, there's not much I can do about it.

"When are you leaving?" Angela asks.

"We're leaving tomorrow. I'm going to say goodbye to my parents. Um, that shouldn't go well, but I need to. Jasper will come with me."

Angela and I take turns hugging her again, and I awkwardly hug Mr. Whi–Jasper too, even though it feels really weird.

They start walking away, and I call out, over the din of the returning waves and birds. "Will you call us when you get settled? We have to have a baby shower on the phone or something!"

"Maybe you could come out and visit us, you know, when school is over!" she yells back and rubs her still-flat tummy.

"Yeah, maybe," I call as Angela and I watch them walk around the corner and out of sight.

Deep down, I'm pretty sure we both know we just saw each other for the very last time.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact #1:** Love's Baby Soft was my go-to scent. I was one good-smelling seventh grader.

**PB Not-So-Fun Fact #2:** The friend I've mentioned often in my PBFF, Claire, was my childhood best friend since we were toddlers. I wrote a "book" in high school and she was the first person to read it. Every time she slept over, she'd pull it out and read her favorite parts. So, I guess, Claire was my very first reader and reviewer. In our twenties, we went our separate ways and I still think about her all the time. I've seen her once or twice since and we always reminisce and have a few laughs, but it's bittersweet. Friendships come and go, people grow and change, but she will forever have a place in my heart and memories. This story is for her.

**Mucho love and thanks to the two women I will never let walk away from me, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry for only getting to about 90% of review replies last chapter! If I missed you, I'm sorry and thank you!**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

"**Summer loving had me a blast  
****Summer loving happened so fast  
****I met a girl crazy for me  
****Met a boy cute as can be  
****Summer days drifting away to oh oh the summer nights." **_– John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, "Summer Nights", reached No. 5 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 in September of 1978_

* * *

"Okay, now keep your eyes closed," Charlie says as he leads me out the front door.

"Your monster hand is not only covering my eyes, but my nose as well. I'm pretty sure I can't see _or_ breathe."

I stumble at the step, and I'm positive he didn't tell me it was coming up on purpose because he actually laughs at me as he holds me upright. "This better be good," I say, half-grumpy and half-smiling because I don't think my dad would joke around if he were leading me to something horrific. But I guess you never know.

"Okay! Open them up!" Charlie says excitedly and removes his hand. It takes me a second to blink life back into my eyes, but when I finally see what he's led me to, I let out a loud squeal.

Sitting there in the driveway is a brand new, cherry-red Corvette complete with T-top.

"You got me a Corvette? Holy shit!"

"Ha! No, I got _myself_ a new corvette." He dangles keys in front of my face. "You, my dear, are getting my old car."

I look from the dreamy Corvette to the five-year-old maroon Chevy Nova sitting next to it. "That was really, really mean."

"Happy eighteenth, honey!" Charlie is laughing and slapping me on the back while Renee comes out shaking her head.

"I told you not to do that to her."

"She's fine. It's a car, isn't it?"

I get over my disappointment quickly. "It sure is!" I grab the keys and walk to my dad's old car. It may not be the flashiest thing, but hell, who am I to complain about finally having some freedom?

"I cleaned it up for you," he says and follows me over. I get in and sit in the driver's seat. It's the car I took my driving lessons and test with, but now that it's mine, it feels brand new. Charlie leans his elbows on the window frame and I'm about to tell him to get off it 'cause I don't want his arm hair all over it. "I might've added a fancy new cassette player for you."

I look down and sure enough, where the 8-track was, is a radio with a cassette deck. "That is so cool!"

Renee opens the passenger side door and climbs in, handing me an envelope. "Happy birthday, sweetie." I open the envelope to find a card I don't read and a gift certificate to Tower Records in it.

"Bitchin!" I hug her and she fiddles with some of the dials. "Thanks guys, really. This is great. Much better than the mood ring I was expecting," I joke.

"So does this mean I don't get to drive you anywhere anymore?" Edward appears suddenly in the window besides Charlie's head.

I smile bright, happy to see him. "Nope, you're now my bitch. Get in!" Renee scoots out and Edward takes her place. I start up the car and turn the radio up immediately.

Charlie cups his hands around his mouth to shout. "Turn that down! You'll blow the speakers!"

"What?" I yell.

"I said, you'll blow the speakers!"

"I can't hear you!" I tease, and start backing the car out of the driveway.

"Be home by six! We're having fondue!" Renee yells, and I definitely hear _that_ so I stop and turn down the volume.

My stomach rolls at the thought of having to eat Renee's food tonight. I was hoping for some birthday take out. "Fondue?"

"Yes, don't worry. Esme is coming to help. Although I'm sure I could handle melting cheese in a pot and cutting up bread."

"Sure you can, honey," Charlie says and puts his arm around her. He's been even more affectionate with her than usual since the morning with the magazine a few days ago. I look at Renee, who still has shadows under her eyes, even though she's doing her best to look happy for me.

"Fondue sounds great," I say and smile at Edward. "Guess your folks are coming to dinner, hope that means you are too."

"Wouldn't miss it, birthday girl." I grin cheesy at him when all I really want to do is kiss him, but Charlie and Renee are looking at us like nerds.

We wave our goodbyes and take off down the street.

We're zipping along and Edward only makes two jokes about my driving as he holds onto the door handle like he's clinging to life. I let it go though because he opens up a bag and holds out the new Boston album for my cassette deck. "This isn't your gift, but I thought you'd like to listen to it." He unwraps the plastic and hands it over. "Here you go."

I look over at him quickly with puppy-dog eyes at how sweet he is. Taking the cassette, I fumble with it blindly while I keep my eyes on the road until Edward takes it from me to put it in–"A" side up.

"So, were you surprised with the car?"

"Oh my God! How cool is this? I mean, it's not that sweet Corvette that Charlie bought for whatever mid-life crisis he's having, but yeah, I love it!" I turn to him when I pull up to a stoplight. "Did you know?"

The smirk on his face tells me he did so I punch him in the arm. "Why didn't you say anything?"

He laughs. "I wasn't going to spoil your dad's big moment."

"_When_ did you know?"

"I've known he was going to do that for a little while." He shrugs, and I wonder just how much Charlie and Edward discuss me.

"I'm not sure it's cool to be so chummy with your girlfriend's father."

"I'm not a cool guy, so it's okay."

I stare at him bug-eyed. "You are the coolest person I know!"

"Aw shucks." He nods his head towards the road. "Lights green." When I start to move, he asks where we're going.

"It doesn't matter. Nowhere, everywhere!"

"I'm never going to be able to drive again, am I?"

"I dunno, I still like the idea of my boyfriend driving me around." Not to mention the thrill I still feel from being in _EDWARD CULLEN'S _Jeep.

"Good, 'cause I kinda like driving you around."

I drive us up and down PCH a bit, and while it's not as fun as being in an open car like the Jeep or a convertible or anything, we have the windows down and it's almost as good. We stop at Tower Records and spend an hour debating which cassettes I should buy with my gift certificate.

We roam up and down the crowded aisles while David Bowie plays over the speakers. I keep an eye out for celebrities, 'cause they've been known to show up here, it's a popular store to be seen at. How cool would it be if the Bay City Rollers or Fleetwood Mac decided to make an appearance today? On my birthday? But alas, it's just a bunch of teenagers like us. Edward likes most of my choices, but loudly and embarrassingly protests the_ Saturday Night Fever_ soundtrack I stick in my basket with glee. At checkout, when he's not looking, I sneak a postcard-sized picture of Valerie Bertinelli in with my purchases to surprise him with later. No one will ever be able to say I'm not an awesome girlfriend.

He's got his arm around me as we walk lazily back to my car. My plastic bag is swinging between us, and I can feel the warmth from the asphalt on this beautiful, late summer California day against my bare legs. "So what's the plan for tonight, birthday girl?"

"Fondue with the 'rents apparently."

"What do you want to do _after_?" The way he says after, in my ear and all breathy, makes me giddy inside.

"Um, we could go to Mac's, maybe? Angela said she and Ben would be there tonight and she'd buy me a birthday milkshake."

"Birthday milkshakes it is. I'm glad you're over your fear of being seen at Mac's with me." He takes my keys and unlocks my door, ushering me in and I know I will never get tired of just how special he is.

"Nah, I'm past it." Just the thought still makes my insides flutter, but for completely different reasons now. Gone is the fear of the unknown with him, which makes our Mac's debut exciting. "Then maybe after that…" I trail off as he gets in, closing his door behind him.

"I'm all for whatever 'after that' entails." He leans against his door and looks over at me with sex eyes I don't think he realizes he throws around like a Nerf football, and that one-sided upturned smile of his. I think about the early days of my crush, when I'd see that expression and the longing for him would be all-encompassing. It hits me all at once that he's now mine. Truly_ mine_.

I think 'after that' is going to beat the car in the favorite gift ever category.

* * *

Edward hangs out with my folks and his parents while I take a quick shower and try to do my hair and make-up nice for the dinner party. I don't know why I'm so stressed about it, the Cullen's have seen me at my worst – salty, wet beach hair and no make-up smelling like ketchup – but since it's a dinner in my honor, I feel like I need to make an effort. I stand in front of my closet trying to decide what an outfit by a newly-minted eighteen-year-old looks like and get a pang in my stomach. This is the kind of thing I'd go to Rosalie with, but we haven't been able to get a hold of her. Renee has tried every friend of Rosalie's she knows that might have Emmett's number, and Charlie even went to the used car lot only to find out that Emmett McCarthy is no longer a greasy car salesman. Charlie said he threw a fit and tried to get them to reveal his address, but they wouldn't.

Sighing, I tiptoe into Rosalie's room. The bed is still made, her makeup is gone off her princess table, and there's an eerie stillness to it all. Contemplating, I finally cave and open the closet. There's still a bunch in here, but it's mostly stuff she'd wear to school. All of her sexier outfits are gone, like her tube tops, slinky dresses and heels. Remaining is a bunch of t-shirts, some peasant blouses and a pile of cutoffs.

I slide the door closed slowly like I've disturbed some recently dug up tomb.

Finally ready, I open the door to the patio to join my guests. Carlisle gets up and gives me a big hug, wishing me happy birthday, before Esme does the same. They're already into the martinis and Charlie asks me what I'd like to drink. Edward has a beer, but today feels fancy. "How about one of Renee's whiskey sours?"

She beams brightly and goes to make my drink. We all toast the fabulousness that is me before Renee and Esme return to the kitchen to prepare the fondue. It smelled pretty good in there when I walked through, melty cheese and warm bread, so I'm hopeful this will not be a failure, and I'll have to scarf down a burger at Mac's later.

We sit around the pool chatting and it doesn't feel weird at all when Edward and I cozy up in a lounger like we've done this a million times in front of our parents.

Charlie and Carlisle are talking about surfing when Edward leans close to my ear. "You look really pretty."

"This old thing?" I say, smiling and finger the wrap dress it took me an hour to decide on.

He kisses me lightly behind my ear and I want to die. "You don't know what seeing that color blue on you does to me."

Blushing, I reach my mouth up to his ear. "I can take it off, if it's too much for you to handle." _Wowzers_. I can't believe I just said that.

He doesn't seem to mind. "I've seen you in a bikini," he whispers. "Less clothing is _not_ the better option for me at the moment." He shifts in his chair and I can only hope to god that he's moving around like a teenager because he doesn't have a book to hold in front of him at the moment.

I have nothing to say to this, so I just duck my chin into my chest, smiling like a fool. Renee ruins the moment by announcing dinner is ready. Edward groans when I move away, so I sway a little bit more than usual to make it harder for him to stand. I hope that's what I'm doing, anyway. He might've groaned at the thought of eating dinner.

The meal takes a while since you're dipping and cooking basically one thing at a time, but we're having so much fun that it doesn't even bother me I'm spending my birthday with our folks. We dip bread and veggies into the melted cheese with long forks, and there's a pot of oil we put steak and shrimp in to cook. We laugh every time our forks get tangled, and we have to fish out the meat from the oil pot or rescue an errant piece of food from the bottom of the cheese one. Renee has cut up other things too, like apples, broccoli, and potatoes, basically anything you might put cheese on which is everything, in my opinion. Esme whipped up some sauces to dip the meat and shrimp, and I stuff myself full of everything.

Edward is holding my hand on the table as we all sit and continue the party, bellies full, commending the cooks and not in a hurry to end the evening, when suddenly, I feel the presence of someone at my elbow. I look up and standing at the end of the dining table, wrapped gift in hand, is my stepsister.

"Well, isn't this cozy."

* * *

**PB Fun Fact:** For special occasions like birthdays or whatever, Mom would pull out the fondue pots and we'd spend hours cooking the food and dipping stuff into cheese. She'd spend all day cutting up stuff to put in it, the meat, chicken, shrimp, etc. It is maybe one of my fondest memories of time spent with my family.

**Huge thanks to the two girls I would eat hours of fondue with any day (In fact, let's make that happen!) LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hi guys :(**

** I just wanted to apologize for being horrible at review replies again this week. I was busy with holiday stuff and then I went away for the weekend. You know it kills me to not respond to you all, but just know that I truly love your reviews and enjoy every single one. I will try to do better this week. Forgive me.**

* * *

**Chapter 22**

"**Are you feelin' happy, are you feelin' good  
****Are you doin' what you wanna do  
****Is your mind in touch with your groovin' such  
****You know it's really up to you." **_– KC and the Sunshine Band, "Do You Feel Alright", Never made it higher than #63 on the Billboard chart_

* * *

Rosalie looks at the dinner party in front of her and zeroes in on Edward's hand covering mine. I think about sliding it out of his grip and begin to do so, but then change my mind. I turn my hand over and squeeze Edward's fingers instead.

Renee makes a surprised squeak and jumps up, hugging Rosalie around her neck. "Honey, I'm so glad you're home!"

Rosalie makes no move to hug her back. She's just standing there with a pretty, pink package in hand. "I came to give Bella a birthday gift." She looks over the table and the remnants of a well-enjoyed dinner. "I guess I didn't get the invitation."

Renee steps back at the tone of her words and puts her hand up to her throat. "We've been trying to get a hold of you for a while, sweetie. We didn't know where you were. You didn't leave a number…" Renee trails off, and I'm mad she feels like she needs to explain anything to the daughter that's been putting her through the ringer for weeks.

I look at Edward, who's looking at Rosalie with a terse expression on his face. I wonder if he feels a little awkward being here with me, or maybe all he can think about is that damn magazine.

Charlie puts his napkin down on the table, and his expression matches Edward's. The apprehension charging the room makes my cheese dinner sit like a lump. "Your mother and I have been worried sick about you."

"Yeah, sure looks like it." She sweeps a hand over the table. Renee sucks in a breath and I can see tears glistening in her eyes. It makes me angry that _she's_ not angry. Rosalie looks down at my hand joined with Edward's again. "Didn't take long, did it?" I'm not sure if she's talking to him or me.

Edward's expression changes, and he glares at her for a moment before speaking up. "I'm not sure what you're implying, but nothing happened between Bella and I until we'd broken up." Rosalie looks from him to me. "That is the truth, believe it or don't, but today is Bella's birthday, and I won't let you ruin it."

I'm in awe of just how badass my boyfriend is, talking to Rosalie so strongly in front of our parents.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to ruin her special day," she says with a sarcastic bite. "So you're all chummy now? Like in-laws or whatever?" She looks around the table at all of us, but her stare stops at me. "Guess you got what you wanted."

Charlie stands up. "Rosalie, sit down." He nods towards the extra chair in the corner, the one we use when we have to squish family members we hardly see around the table at Thanksgiving.

She looks at him but wisely does so, even if she huffs about it.

His voice is strained. "Do you have _any_ idea how worried we've been about you?"

"Why? I told Mom where I was." She has the audacity to look at her nails like she's bored. I notice they're long, fake, and bright red. Something she never would've had before.

"Telling your mother in the heat of a fight where you've been is hardly the same thing as keeping in touch and letting us know you're safe. You left no phone number, no address, nothing."

"I'm fine."

Charlie's voice rises, startling Rosalie. "Fine? You call living with a drug dealer and pimp that gets you into pornography fine?" Her eyes go wide and I can see the moment she realizes he knows. That we _all_ know. The room is deadly silent for a second as she looks at all of us, until Charlie continues. "Your mother has called everyone we know. I even went to that dirtbag's used car lot. We couldn't _find_ you."

"You went there?" She looks mad now and I wonder if it's just her defenses or if she really feels no regret.

"Of _course_ I went there. We didn't know where you _were!_" He pounds his fist on the table and I jump. Edward grasps my hand tighter and scootches closer, almost protectively. Rosalie either doesn't notice or doesn't care. "Rosalie, what are you _doing_?" Charlie stresses and I can see the pain on his face. Renee is sniffling, still standing in place.

"It's none of your business what I do. It's not like you _care_." Again, she nods towards the leftover party right in front of her and crosses her arms defensively. "I saw the new car in the driveway. Is that the princess's new ride?"

"Enough," Renee says sharply as she throws her hands up and closes her eyes. Her body is shaking slightly and it frightens me. I hope she's not about to have a seizure. When she lowers her arms and looks at Rosalie, there's a new fire singeing the perpetual cloudiness.

"How dare you come in here and try to make anybody feel bad when all we've been doing is worrying ourselves sick over you and whatever it is you're doing with Emmett. It's _your_ fault you missed this."

I stare at Renee, shocked. Just like Rosalie.

Edward stands. "Bella, let's go. Let's go hang out with your friends and enjoy what's left of your birthday." I get up, just because I really don't know what else to do.

"I think it's time we all called it a night," Carlisle and Esme get up as well, and Renee tells her to just leave the mess when she tries to clear the table.

Rosalie has the smarts to sit quietly as I thank them all for the nice dinner, hugging each one of them and smiling at Esme when she lays a gift on the table. "I'll leave this here for later," she says, and I nod before following Edward to the door after he shakes Charlie's hand and kisses Renee on the cheek.

The cool night air is refreshing in my lungs after the toxicity we just left. Edward and I wave at his parents and watch them walk to their car. He starts moving to the Jeep and I put a hand on his arm. "Edward, wait." He stops and looks at me. "I don't think I can leave. I… I think I need to be in there."

He looks at me a moment, his head cocked to the side and his eyes dimming. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. You know like on _Eight is Enough_ when they have a family crisis and they all sit around the living room and discuss it and stuff?"

"Even the twerpy kid?" He laughs, but I can tell it's an effort.

I smile. Adam Rich _is_ a twerp. "Yeah." I swing his hand in mine. "This is _my_ family. And we're having a crisis."

"What about birthday milkshakes and 'after'?" He smiles sadly, and he's so cute I rethink my plans, but shake my head.

"I don't think I would enjoy it," I say truthfully.

He sighs, but folds me into a hug. "I get it. But if things get bad or you think you need to leave, I'll be sitting by the phone."

I inhale a big noseful of his neck and close my eyes, leaning my head against his chest. "I'll call you later either way."

He takes his arms away and holds my face. His eyes shine in the moonlight as he looks at me, and his beauty makes my stomach flip. "Happy birthday," he says softly, before giving me a sweet kiss.

I hold his hand as long as I can while he walks away from me. When our fingers eventually stop sliding against each other, I watch him take a few steps. He makes it halfway to his car before he's coming right back to me in long, purposeful strides. He holds my face again and this time, gifts me with a truly passionate kiss. "I love you, Swansong," he says against my tingling lips. I can feel him smiling when he kisses me again before turning to leave.

I take that moment with me as I turn the knob on the front door.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact: **When my mom would get super-duper mad at us, she'd start to shake like Renee did. That's when we knew we'd crossed the line :)

**Super duper thanks as always to my girls, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM, who would turn any awkward dinner party into a good time!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey guys! I'm going to be taking a break for the holidays, see you after the new year. Happy holidays to you for whatever it is you celebrate! xoxo PB**

* * *

**Chapter 23**

"**With a little luck, we can help it out  
****We can make this whole damn thing work out.  
****With a little love, we can lay it down  
****Can't you feel the town exploding?" **_– Paul McCartney and Wings, "With a Little Luck", Hit #1 on the Billboard chart in March, 1978_

* * *

By the time Bella walks back into the dining room, Charlie is still standing, Mom is shaky and sniffling, and I'm sitting here in the upholstered, plaid electric chair. I'm not sure why I didn't get up when everyone left. There's certainly nothing keeping me here, but I stayed. So here we all are.

Charlie sighs, and it's like a knife cutting into my gut. He's such a happy, vivacious man that it's jarring to see him so… deflated. "Bella, I thought you had a big night planned. Go enjoy your birthday."

"I… want to be here. I think I need to be. I can hang out with my friends tomorrow." She sits in her usual chair gently like it's about to break. Just like the eggshells littering the floor.

I haven't seen her in weeks, and she looks different. Older, somehow. Prettier. More mature. There's an aura about her that's new. She's glowing even though I've brought a miserable end to her big day.

I'm not dumb, I know it's Edward.

It was inevitable from the moment I brought him home that they would end up together. They just fit a lot better than he and I ever did. I saw the sly looks he'd give her at the table, felt his protectiveness and interest in her. My stomach dropped when I saw them sitting so cozy together–not because of any lingering feelings– but because he's such a _good_ guy, the guilt he stirs in me makes me feel uneasy. I know he deserved better in the little time he spent with me, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Even though I didn't love him.

She's not looking at me and I can't blame her. I think about _my_ eighteenth birthday, when we went for huge ice cream sundaes that she paid for with the money she made babysitting. The memory makes me feel like shit.

"I'm sorry," I say to her, my head bowed as I finger the gift I bought her. I place it on the table. "I didn't mean to ruin your birthday." Edward's words still ring in my ears, and it comes out harsher than I wanted.

"S'okay. You didn't." She says it with confidence, but her foot slides over her other, something she does when she's nervous, like when she asked for my help picking out an outfit for her date with the film guy.

Mom takes a deep breath, her body shuddering as she lets it out. Her hands wring together in a nervous gesture. "Why don't we go into the living room? I'll make coffee." Mom moves to the percolator and reaches for the can of Maxwell House.

I'm the first one up, and I stomp over to the pillows on the floor, plopping myself down. Bella follows and we sit there awkwardly for a minute without Charlie and Mom. She's not saying anything, but I can tell she wants to. "Just spit it out."

"I'm sorry, too."

I wasn't expecting that. "For what, exactly?"

She shifts around on the pillows, but stares me straight in the eyes. "I told them about the magazine."

My stomach twists. This is the first time I've even thought about how anyone might have discovered my secret after the magazine hit the racks. I was just… caught up in the moment, enjoying my five minutes of fame. To know Bella saw it somewhere–a gas station or at Mac's where some boy shoved it in her face–and then had to tell our parents… well, it never occurred to me to imagine it. "_You_ ratted me out?" I ask, narrowing my eyes in anger even though I really feel nauseous.

"I told Charlie and Renee what I thought they should know."

I cluck my tongue. "Who are _you_ to decide what they should know?"

She stares at me and crosses her arms, just as Mom and Charlie enter. Mom places a tray on the ottoman in the middle of the pillows, but none of us make a move to grab a cup. After some hesitation, she pulls a magazine from under her arm and places it on the floor.

I don't have to look at it, I know what it is.

My face is burning, and even though deep down I knew they would find out, a part of me repressed it. Immediately, my thoughts go to Charlie. I'm ashamed that he's now seen it, and I can't bring myself to make eye contact. Mom fiddles with her dress and leans against him. She doesn't seem as scattered as she usually does, she looks… purposeful. Maybe Charlie gave her a pep talk in the kitchen.

"We will get to the obvious elephant in the room in a minute." She waves her hand in the direction of the magazine lying face-down on the floor. "I understand you are what you think is an adult, Rosalie, but you are still our daughter, and your behavior lately is out of control. I have no idea what you are thinking, running around with this… person and not telling me where you are. Did you even think about anyone but yourself?"

Charlie holds onto Mom's hand as she speaks, her voice beginning to shake. "I have been up _nights_ worrying about your safety. You told me to trust you, to trust this guy I've never met, and the minute I say something you don't want to hear, you run away. That is not a behavior that is going to _earn_ you the trust you're looking for."

I can't remember the last time Mom spoke with this much authority. "_Would_ you have let me go live with him?" I challenge.

"I would've considered what you wanted, at the time, if I had met him. But I've heard some not so great things about him since."

"You don't even know him!"

"Because you only brought him around when we weren't here. I know what I've heard. Drugs, girls… I assume he's the one that got you to pose for that magazine?"

"You heard all this from Bella, I take it?" My words are harsh thinking about our fight. It's the only way they'd know he was ever here.

"Don't take that tone towards her. We asked her outright and she told us what she knew. It seems everyone knows what kind of guy he is."

"See? You wouldn't have approved if I'd brought him over! You just take her word for it!"

"If you expect us to treat you like an adult, you will act like one. I would've given you a _chance_, Rosalie. But you didn't come to me."

I sweep a dismissive hand at her. "You wouldn't have."

"Now we'll never know." We fall into silence as Mom rubs her temples.

"You told me you were going to pose for a photographer. You said it was an art piece. Why didn't you tell me about the kind of modeling it was?"

"Because I didn't," I say, attitude dripping off me I can't seem to stop. Inside, I'm scared shitless. I don't want to be the biggest disappointment they've ever had, even though being in that magazine makes me feel like a star.

"You ask for trust, but you didn't trust us, Rosalie."

"You'd have tried to stop me. I didn't need your approval. Besides, it doesn't matter. I wanted to do it."

"_I _wouldn't have approved," Charlie interrupts. I still can't look at him.

Mom puts her hand on his arm to calm him down. "I would've strongly tried to talk you out of it, had I known it was this kind of… trash."

"See?"

"But I would've _listened_ to you."

Charlie interjects, "I am not your father, I know this. But regardless of how I feel about what you did," he clears his throat, "you can come to me about anything. Your mother and I might not always agree with your choices, but we will always give you a chance. You just don't let us in."

I huff and roll my eyes, which are starting to tear up. I can't let them see me cry. "Sure you would've. I've never been anything but a burden to Mom and someone you were forced to deal with because you had no choice."

Mom audibly gasps and I instantly feel terrible, even if the little girl in me still thinks it's true. Charlie puts his arm around her, but leans closer to me. "You don't honestly _believe_ that, do you, Rosalie?"

Shrugging with one shoulder, I finally look at him. His eyes are so sad and the urge to run is as big as the urge to fling my arms around him and cry like a baby. "I dunno."

You could hear a pin drop it's so quiet, until Mom cries, "Rosalie! Why would you ever _think_ that way?"

I wipe a traitorous tear. "Dad left me, Tony resented me because he couldn't have you all to himself, and Charlie, well, Charlie has Bella and now you do too. You don't need me. I'm just a disappointment to you." I wipe the second one that falls away with the back of my hand. "Whatever, it's fine."

The silence in the room is deafening. My ears swim with the truth I've just let out, a truth I've held for so long. My eyes burn with tears, my heart hurts, my insides are so damn tired.

Mom is off her pillow and throws herself at me. Her arms circle me tightly and I just sit there, unable to hold back crying any longer. She strokes my hair like she did when I was little, when a nightmare would wake me up or I was home with the sniffles. Goosebumps flood my body at the touch I didn't realize I was missing so badly. It's like my skin can't get enough of the contact with hers.

"Oh, Rosalie, baby, I love you. You are the best thing I've ever done in my life. I can't imagine not having you, sweetie. I was made to be your mom," she croons, rocking me, and I'm openly sobbing in her embrace. After a minute I feel the pillow dip on my other side.

Charlie puts his arm around both of us. "You were the greatest bonus I could've asked for when I met your mother. I love you very much, Rosalie. I always have."

"We are a family, we stick together." Mom is nodding and stroking my head.

"I haven't felt like part of this family in years," I stutter. Realization that it's mostly my fault I feel that way ebbs through me like a spider web. I watch Bella cautiously as she kneels at my feet. She grabs my hands and twirls her fingers around mine.

"You're the first family I've felt like I've _had_ in years," she says quietly, and it's enough to make my sobs echo through the room and hiccup through my body. I grasp her fingers and hold on, willing my body to stop betraying me and just escape, but it's a useless fight. We are all crying together and in a weird way, it makes me feel so good.

* * *

A while later, after we've all composed ourselves, Charlie makes a round of drinks and the heaviness of earlier is beginning to waft out of the room. Bella and I are still sitting on the pillows with her at my feet, but it feels less uncomfortable than it did a half hour ago.

Mom brings in a cake with what I assume is eighteen candles blazing on it. Her eyes are puffy as she tries to keep a bright smile on her face. "Can't let this go to waste. I think we all need alcohol _and_ sugar right now."

On instinct, my head snaps to Bella and she returns my gaze with scared eyes. The knowledge that our connection hasn't been broken by my actions is the best feeling I've had in a long time. "Relax," Mom says placing it on the ottoman, "it's store-bought."

Bella smiles and crawls from her place to sit by the cake. We sing happy birthday off-key and she squeezes her eyes tight before blowing them all out in one go. She already has Edward, so I can't imagine what she wished so hard for. It makes me wonder if he was her wish last year.

The cake tastes so good after the emotional release, and the gin and tonic doesn't hurt, either. We eat in silence for a bit until Bella makes fun of Charlie having white frosting on his mustache in the form of a very inappropriate, but _so Bella,_ joke. He pretends to get mad at her off-color humor and Mom just shakes her head. It brings back so many moments in my life that made me feel I'd never be enough.

I wipe my mouth on my napkin and put the plate on the ottoman. Stirring my drink with a plastic Howard Johnson's swizzle stick, the Band-Aid gets ripped. It's time to explain. "I wanted to pose for that magazine."

They all turn to look at me, but there's no shocked eyes, no look of disgust. They take my words and roll them around, waiting for more.

"Why?" Mom is the first to ask, and she puts her half-eaten cake on the tray.

I look at the ceiling. "It felt good. It felt good to have people look at me like I was beautiful."

"You've always been beautiful. You've never lacked attention because of your looks."

"It's different." Taking a deep breath, I try to compose and convey just what it is it makes me feel. "I know I'm beautiful on the outside. But this made me feel good in a way I've never felt _inside_. There's a cameraman and a makeup girl and a lighting guy, and they are all there for _me_. They want to shoot _me_. I'm the center of attention. It's all about _me_."

"Surely there is another way to achieve that?"

"Nothing has ever given me as big a rush as seeing myself on that magazine did."

"But the _content…_" she trails off.

My cheeks flame. "I know it's not a tasteful photography book or even _Playboy_. But there's something about it that makes me feel powerful. _I've_ made the choice, and _I'm_ the only one that can give them what they want."

"Did Emmett push you into this?" Charlie asks.

Here I hesitate. It was my choice to do it, but I squirm a little thinking about how happy he was when I agreed. How he told me he'd find someone else to do it if I wouldn't. I think about the line of girls he trailed in front of me for months, egging me on. "He introduced me to people and… wanted me to, but I agreed because _I_ really wanted to." That isn't a lie.

Charlie murmurs under his breath, but Mom talks over him. "Have you thought about how this will affect the rest of your life? Whatever future plans you have? What will happen if this gets out? The knowledge of what you did in your youth is going to follow you around and not in a positive way. I don't want you to be a forty-year-old housewife with this skeleton in your closet."

Taking a deep breath, I tell them my truth. "I don't care about any of that. This is what I want to do. I… want to do more of this."

"You don't mean that! Rosalie, this is pornography. It's unsavory and dirty and not something someone ever chooses to be in."

"You and Charlie seem to have no problem with being open-minded in your own life. I know you went to see _Deep Throat_ when they showed it last year downtown."

Her eyes widen. "We are adults. _Married_ adults. I won't apologize for having a good sex life with my husband." Bella flinches, much like I do at that information. "It's completely different than being publicly humiliated in a dirty magazine!"

"There is nothing about it that humiliates me! I _like_ the idea that men see me that way!" I yell. "See? I knew you wouldn't understand."

"I only want what's best for you, Rosalie. That's all I've ever wanted."

"Then you have to trust me that this _is_ what's best for me. It's what I want. This is something I do well. Bella is funny, Edward has his film studies, my friends all have interests and skills they're pursuing in college or at work. _This_ is my interest, _this_ is my skill."

Mom puts a hand to her forehead. "Where does it end? What's next?"

"I'm going to go as far in the business as I can."

"What does that even mean?" Charlie asks, his voice low and cautious. "More magazines?'

"Fuuuck," Bella drawls, and I know she's a step ahead of them.

I take a deep, shuddering breath to steel myself. "I'm… going to make an adult film."

"Oh, Rosalie! No!" Mom puts her hand up to her throat and closes her eyes, crying again. "Please tell me you're joking!"

My silence tells them I'm not.

Charlie, a look of anger mixed with incredulity covering his face, takes over. "You will not do any such thing."

I can't bring myself to tell them I've already made a loop. "You can't stop me."

"I sure as shit will find a way!" he booms, getting to his feet. "Do you even _know_ what you're _saying_?"

The thrill of the attention, the cameras, the lights… it's something I know I'm not going to get enough of. "I know _exactly_ what I'm doing."

"I find that hard to believe!" He's pacing, shaking his head, rubbing his hand through his hair. In a weird way, part of me is finding peace from the fact he's not blasé about this. "Do you even _know_ how seedy this business is? Are you prepared for that?"

"It's seedy if you've been forced into it. I'm choosing to do it. Besides, Emmett protects me."

"If he loved you, he wouldn't force you to do this!" Charlie stops pacing and looks at the ceiling.

"He does love me, he supports me." The room falls into silence again. "Guess I was right, he's the only one. I knew you'd never understand." I stand up, ready to walk out.

"Rosalie, wait." Mom says quietly before taking a sip of her drink. She puts the glass on the ottoman, and lets out a huge breath. When she looks at me, her shoulders sag, worn-out and lifeless. "We need the phone number and address of where you're living."

Charlie snaps his gaze to her. "Renee, you aren't seriously giving your blessing to this!"

"Of course I'm not giving my blessing to this! But I'd rather she come to us and tell us what she plans to do than to run away somewhere so we don't know where she is."

"But Renee–" Charlie is bug-eyed, staring at her like she's got three heads.

She meets his stare. "I know this isn't what anyone wishes for their child, but you have to understand the person Rosalie is and the relationship we have. It's not a good one, I'm ashamed to admit, and that's most likely my fault. So if she's going to go off and do something stupid like this then I'm going to support her and make sure she's okay."

Mom gets up and grasps Charlie's arm, in a pleading gesture. "I will do anything to keep Rosalie in my life, and if that's taking a step back and letting her make bad choices, then that's what it is. I'm not going to shun her. I'm not going to turn my back on her. I'm not going to be like her father and leave when things get tough. She's making a choice, Charlie, and so am I. I don't see any other way than to stand by my daughter and be there for her if she needs me."

"It's our job to protect her." Charlie's voice cracks. "Not encourage her." He looks from Mom to me with unhappy, dejected eyes.

My throat tightens, and tears I thought I'd long shed rise to the surface. "I don't mean to put you in this position. And I know it's upsetting and not something anyone wants their daughter to be doing, but…" I take a deep breath. "I _am_ going to do it." I wipe my wet face with both hands. "I'd still like to be a part of this family, though, if you'll let me."

Charlie rubs his eyes and stands there, eventually letting out a long, shaky sigh. It feels like an eternity until he speaks. "Is there nothing we can do to change your mind?" Charlie asks, his eyes red and his voice resigned.

I shake my head. "No."

"You always have a home here. You come _here_, to _us_, you understand?"

My hope swells a bit. "I do."

"I don't understand this," he says, before giving my arm a squeeze and walking out of the room.

Maybe someday, they all will.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact 1:** I used to work in a video store and the 'adult' section was behind the counter. The customers would have to look through a book in front of everyone to pick a number and we'd retrieve the movie they wanted. I was always interested in their choices ;)

**PB Fun Fact 2:** I'm fascinated with people that choose the porn industry as a career. I'm not talking about the strung-out girls that get caught up in it because of drugs or anything, but the ones that decide they want to do this for a living. One of the best books I ever read was "How to Make Love Like a Pornstar" by Jenna Jameson.

**Huge thanks to the two girls I'd stick with no matter what bad decisions they might make, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"**How deep is your love, how deep is your love?  
****I really need to learn 'cause we're living in a world of fools  
****Breaking us down when they all should let us be  
****We belong to you and me." **_– Bee Gees, "How Deep Is Your Love", topped the Billboard Hot 100 in December of 1977 and stayed in the Top 10 for a then-record 17 weeks in 1978_

* * *

After Rosalie leaves, Renee and I sit there on the pillows just staring at the ceiling. I can hear Charlie in the kitchen slamming plates and throwing the long fondue forks around, doing his best to break whatever he's intending to put in the sink.

Next to me, Renee's sniffling and sipping her drink and I can't even imagine how drained she feels. If it's anything like how _I_ do, she's gotta feel like she's been hit by a truck.

Adult films. My lord.

Part of me is appalled that she'd want to have sex with total strangers _for_ total strangers. To do intimate things with some sweaty guy you don't know, that's probably had sex with a bunch of other people maybe not five minutes before you–for all the world to see–is something I can barely comprehend. To choose a sex-trade business as your future is as questionable as deciding to become the best junkie you can. These occupations don't have shiny degrees to frame and hang on your wall.

But the other part of me, the one that has love for my sister, well… I want her to be happy. It's not a situation or a path in life _I'd_ choose, but like Renee said, I'm not going to stop being her sister and shut her out because of her choices. As long as she's not doing something that hurts me or those I love directly, all I can do is remain by her side and hope she takes care of herself.

It's a mind-blowing position to be in and a devastating inner turmoil to reconcile.

I try to envision what a future with Rosalie would be like. It could've been a 'let's get together for the afternoon and let the kids run around while we drink wine in our beautiful Malibu homes' sort of thing.

But now I just don't know how this future might go. I don't ever see us meeting up for steaks and martinis to talk about how our jobs are going.

Sighing, I lift myself up from the floor feeling as old as Abe Vigoda looks. "I'm gonna go up to bed. Are you okay?"

Renee opens her eyes and smiles sadly. "It's all going to be okay," she says and closes them again.

I leave her like that and go into the kitchen cautiously. Charlie has calmed down a bit, and he's moving stuff from the dining room table to the kitchen counters. I lend a hand, and together, we clean up most of the fondue stuff and he says we'll take care of the rest in the morning. Rosalie's present is still on the table, so I grab it and turn to Charlie, hugging him harder than normal.

"Don't worry, Dad. I'm sure it's going to be okay," I repeat Renee's words and look up at him.

"Promise me you're not going to do anything like this. I can barely stomach Rosalie's decision, but if it were you, it would kill me."

"Don't worry, Pops. The only camera I'll have sex in front of is Edward's." I smile and wink, hoping to make him laugh, but he just makes a choking sound, so I kiss him on the cheek and go to my room.

Sitting on the bed, I finger the pink bow on the gift but cast it aside and reach for my phone.

"Hey, beautiful," Edward answers on the first ring.

"Hey."_ You adorable, pin-up worthy hunk of a man._

"Are you alright? Everything… alright?"

"Yeah, I mean, I think it will be. I… I'll tell you tomorrow, if that's okay? I'm exhausted."

"Of course. Unless you want me to come over and climb through your window. You know I would."

The image of Edward Cullen climbing through my window is as butterflies-in-the-stomach inducing as the thought of David Lee Roth serenading me. "As much as I would love that, I don't want you to die just yet."

"Thoughtful."

"Selfish, really."

"I'll see you tomorrow then? We can have a birthday do-over. Birthday, the sequel."

"I want nothing more."

"It's a date." Him saying that still makes me swoon. "I'll pick you up early and we'll make a whole day of it."

We hang up and I pick up Rosalie's present. Opening the paper, I turn the metal frame over and stare at the picture she's put in it.

It's from the beginning of summer. She has her arm around my neck and we're laughing, riding the new Colossus at Magic Mountain while she holds onto her pink baseball hat threatening to fly off her head. I continue looking at it as I lie back onto my pillows.

I remember that day so vividly, and I can't help but wonder if she'd already decided her path in life.

I'll probably never know.

* * *

True to his word, Edward knocks on the screen door bright and early. Charlie and I are having coffee in the kitchen, but Renee is still in bed. I get the feeling she didn't go up too long ago, the bottle of gin is empty on the ottoman. Can't say I blame her.

Edward accepts Charlie's offer for a cup, and we sip and chat, and I can tell that he's dying to know what happened, but is respecting the small talk that Charlie is engaging him in. He holds my hand on the table, his thumb stroking my skin, and my soul feels lighter.

"So what are you kids going to do today?" Charlie picks at the toast I made him.

"Well, it's all about Bella today, so whatever she wants. But I have a thing or two planned if she's willing."

"Oh, I'm willing." I smile cheesy at him, waggling my eyebrows while Charlie groans and Edward leans his head back and sighs. I'm glad I haven't lost my affect on him.

"The only thing I really want to do is go to Mac's and see my friends." And hold your hand in public, and smooch you in public, and show everyone there you're mine.

"Done and done."

We leave after a short debate as to whose car to take. Edward wins because he insists he should chauffeur me around in style since it's my birthday part deux, and we take off in the Jeep.

Edward lets me choose the music, so just because I can, I put on the disco station and sing loudly to Donna Summer. The breeze whips my hair into a frenzy, and combined with the peppy music and my off-key wailing, I feel high and carefree after so many weeks of too much heaviness. I feel like an eighteen-year-old experiencing her first true love again. Looking over at my boyfriend who is way too cool behind his Ray Bans, my stomach tightens.

It hits me like a ton of bricks, just how important the fact is he's chosen _me_ and loves _me_. Of all the people he could have, he wants _me_. I don't ever want this feeling to end between us. I don't ever want to look at Edward and be bored or disgusted or fed up. I don't ever want to feel less and less for him everyday until there's nothing there. I want to wake up every morning of my life and feel the same excitement seeing him gives me now.

I want to be in love with him forever.

* * *

Our first stop on what Edward has declared 'Bella's National Holiday' is the Santa Monica Pier, one of our favorite places. We hold hands as we walk, go on a few rides, and make out on the ferris wheel when it stops at the top. It feels so good to laugh and just _be_. Even recounting last night's events and Rosalie's plans doesn't feel so horrible when I'm with him.

However, the excursion creeps towards the dark side when he pulls me over to the falafel stand and I make exaggerated gagging sounds. "You're not serious?" I ask when he orders two.

Grinning, he hands one to me and leads me to the bench we first sat at. "Sure. For old times' sake. You don't have to eat it."

"That's a present in and of itself."

"Speaking of…" he trails off and reaches into his pocket and hands me something wrapped in tissue paper. It's a plastic keychain, the kind you can put a picture in. I turn it over expecting a picture of us or something.

"Robby Benson?" There he is, all dimply and smiling, his full head of dark hair and mysterious eyes staring back at me.

"You mentioned you thought he was cute when we were here. I still disagree, but it's your birthday."

"I love it!" Grinning, I palm it tightly and give him a kiss as thanks. "Now my car keys will ride in style."

We sit awhile on 'our' bench cuddling and giggling, making others in the vicinity sick, I'm sure, but I couldn't care less. I can't imagine a better way to spend a birthday.

Edward eventually takes the uneaten falafels and hands them to a homeless-looking hippie that migrated from Haight-Ashbury years ago. "Ready for a real lunch?"

* * *

"You're really going to subject yourself to this again? Wasn't the first time watching me do this embarrassing enough?" I'm staring at the sushi restaurant he took me months ago.

"You did fine, and you liked it, if I recall. Besides, I'm really jonesing for it." He gives me the puppy eyes and there's no way I can say no to that even though it's supposed to be my day and I'd have chosen Pizza Hut or Jack in the Box.

"Okay, but I'm gonna order a beer because I can."

"They have a great Japanese beer."

"What's wrong with my friend Bud?"

He just laughs and puts his arm around me until we get to the entrance, where he gallantly holds the door open and lets me walk through, his hand never leaving the small of my back. The same waitress as last time greets us, and as luck would have it, the same booth is open. This time, Edward slides in next to me and we hold hands and whisper to each other while he feeds me sushi with his chopsticks like a gross couple that doesn't realize they aren't alone in the world. But everyone can suck it.

Happily full of fish that was just murdered not minutes ago, Edward pulls out a blue-wrapped box from the other seat. He puts it on the table in front of me and waits.

"Where'd you get that?"

"From the seat across from us."

"Duh. I mean, is it for me?"

"Duh." He smirks and I elbow him in the gut.

"I didn't see you bring in anything."

"Nope, you didn't. Open it."

"The awesome keychain was good enough." Confused, but smiling all the same, I unwrap the long, rectangular box to find… a white, bunched up wrapper.

"Um, thanks? I don't think I own one of these."

"I'm offended you don't know what it is."

"You are?" I start to panic, and try to straighten it out on the table with my fingers. I see red lettering on the side of it. "Aki," I say, perplexed. "That's the name of this place."

"It is." He shifts around and he's got a sheepish smile on his face. "That's your chopstick wrapper from the first time we were here. I… uh… kind of swiped it when we left."

My eyes bug out. "You did?" My heart bubbles with the idea that he's a teenage girl at heart.

"Yes." He laughs. "Silly, I know, but I did. I guess I wanted a memento of that day."

"That is adorable. And I'm really happy you didn't swipe my used chopsticks. That would've been weird."

"And gross."

"That too." I lean in and give him a big kiss. "I love both my presents."

"Good. Let's see what the rest of the day might bring."

* * *

The day brings us to Zuma. It's less crowded during the week, but there are still a fair amount of people here. I see my new co-worker behind the counter at the Dog and wave, a bit of sorrow in it that it's not Alice, whom I haven't heard from since she left. I shake my head at my thoughts and wait as Edward goes into the surf shop.

He returns a few minutes later, changed into his trunks and holding two surfboards. "Care for a ride?" He grins, and holds out the same blue board to me that I used last time.

My heart jumps at the thought of surfing with Edward like we did before, bobbing on the water and getting dangerously close. This time, though, I won't have to pull my hand away from his.

"Let's go!" I pull off my shirt and shorts and start running to the ocean, Edward hot on my heels.

"You're not going to demand you carry it yourself?" he yells over the roaring waves.

"Nope! It's my birthday, which means no manual labor for me, servant-boy."

"I see."

Once we reach the water, we quickly scramble onto our boards and catch a few waves. The water is chillier now that summer is ending, but being so close to Edward and having it not be a secret I'm in love with him keeps me warm, as do his hands.

He pulls me onto his board so that we're straddling it together, him tucked close behind me. We're bobbing and resting, our wet bodies stuck together as we watch the sun lower.

It's earlier in the day when the sun starts setting than it was last time, which makes me a bit melancholy and reflective.

"School's starting for you next week," I say and lean my head back against his shoulder so his head frames mine as the water splashes against our legs.

"It is. But I hope you're not worried about us getting time together."

"Not really. I guess I have to get serious about what to major in, though," I sigh, adulthood staring me in the face.

"You'll figure it out."

"Maybe I'll just study typing and stuff, be your assistant. Answer all your fan mail."

He laughs against my ear. "Cinematographers don't get fan mail."

"_You_ will. Just wait and see. The best is yet to come."

"I don't know, this summer will be hard to beat." He squeezes me around the stomach, his fingers playing dangerously with the waist of my bikini bottom while he kisses my neck.

"You have no idea." My eyes close and my skin gets goosebumps.

"Swansong," he says softly in my ear, "_you_ have no idea how fantastic this summer has been for _me_." He kisses my neck again, and his lips move against my skin. "I got the girl."

With that toe-curling statement, his fingers finally land where they've been teasing. I suck in a breath as he explores me gently while we float on the water. "I hope this is okay, I've been dying to do this."

"I've been dying to let you," I gasp as one finger slips into me. He's soft but demanding, and I clutch the biceps holding me so I don't float away on a cloud of '_holy shit Edward Cullen is fingering me'_.

"You are so fucking beautiful." His throat rasps and his tongue flicks my ear. I can't respond, but I hope that my fingers digging into his arms and the way my lower half is gyrating tells him that I appreciate the compliment.

In the back of my mind, I'm hoping Edward has us out of sight of anyone nearby when I orgasm, all the sun in California bursting behind my eyelids and making me stupid.

"Wow," I say, when I'm finally able to speak.

I can hear the smugness in his voice. "Glad you liked it."

"What about you?" I question and try to turn to look at him, but he holds me tight.

"This was _my_ present, don't you worry." He kisses the side of my head, and even though I can feel just how much of a present he'd really like against my back, I sigh contentedly and enjoy my moment.

We ride the rippling water a little in silence, until I start laughing.

"What's so funny?" He lightly tickles my side and if it were anyone else doing that, they'd get a nice throat punch.

"Edward Cullen just fingered me."

"How eloquent."

"There's no better way to put it. You have no clue how much I've thought of exactly that happening."

"You have, huh?"

"So much so that I could major in Edward Cullen fantasies. I'm an expert."

"We'll have to explore that together."

"Deal."

When we move back to the sand, the crowd has thinned and Edward fetches us a couple of towels and his blanket from the Jeep. The boards are perched up in the sand next to us, making a picture worthy of a bad teen romance cover.

The seagulls fly overhead looking for late-day snacks as the ocean ebbs and rolls in front of us. Edward's legs are tangled with mine as I hold onto his arm and sigh, resting my head against his shoulder. "Today was perfect. Thank you."

"_You're_ perfect."

"And you're cheesy. But I like it."

He turns and pulls a small box wrapped in gold paper from under the blanket. "Another present?" My eyes light up, wondering what in the world it could be this time.

"You deserve all the presents."

"You're right, I do." I take it from him and pull the bow apart, before slowly tearing into the paper. Inside is a white box with a hinge, like the kind jewelry is in. Opening it, I laugh. "My purple hair tie. I've been wondering what happened to it."

"Yeah. I stole it that day we went surfing. Snatched it right out of your discarded shorts pocket."

"Should I be worried? Lock up my stuff from now on?" I smile, secretly happy he's got such a fondness for my stuff.

He scratches his fingernails against my leg lightly. "That day was sort of a turning point for me. I couldn't tell you, but it was the day that put things in motion for me, made it clear what I wanted, which was you. It was agony barely touching you that day."

I recall the moment he's thinking of, when our hands met while he pulled me towards him on our boards and I quickly let go. "It was for me, too. But also one of the best days of my life."

"As you said earlier, the best is yet to come."

* * *

"Date's over already?" I wrinkle my nose when Edward pulls up in front of my house. "I thought we were going to Mac's."

"We are, but I thought you'd like to change." I look down at my ocean-soaked clothes.

"You are very thoughtful. But what about you?" He nods his head towards the back. "I knew what we were doing today, I was prepared." He smiles and grabs a grocery bag with what I assume are clothes in it.

I call out for Renee and Charlie, but since their car wasn't in the driveway, I know it's futile. I wonder where they've gone off to. Dinner? Therapy? Changed their minds about Rosalie and went to kill Emmett?

"They're at my house, I believe."

"Ah. Okay, well… I'm gonna go change…" I thumb towards my bedroom, and Edward laughs.

"Go ahead, I'll use the bathroom."

My heart sinks a little. "Oh. Okay. Thought we could get naked together, but whatever." He just laughs as I trudge down the hallway, hoping he'll change his mind before I get to my room.

Pulling my presents from my bag, I line them up in order on the shelf of my hutch preserved for only the most special things. My favorite Judy Blume book. My Shaun Cassidy pencil cup. My pink-haired Troll doll. My pet rock, Lucy.

His gifts were weird and unexpected, but perfect. As perfect as him.

"Edward?" I call out when I see he's not in the living room.

"Out here."

I follow his voice through the sliders to the patio, where he's got candles lit and two glasses of champagne waiting.

"Oh my god, you're not going to propose, are you?" I'm half-scared and half-ready to say yes.

"You're crazy. Just sit down." He holds out the chair for me and hands me a glass. "We are toasting your birthday, officially. With fancy booze."

"I'll toast to that!" We sip and I feel so grown up using Renee's champagne coupes she got as a wedding gift. I down mine in just a few sips, and Edward pours me more.

"So, one last thing." He pushes a small, red box towards me graced with a glittery silver bow. "This is your official birthday gift."

"I've loved them all!" I can't imagine what this could be, after his charmingly off-kilter gift giving skills.

Inside the wrapping is a hinged box much like the one from Zuma. "I know what this is. You stole some of my hair from the brush in the bathroom."

"I'm not a creepy stalker. Just open it."

"I would date you if you were a creepy stalker, just sayin'." I open the box with one eye closed, and inside is a beautiful gold locket on a chain.

"Oh, Edward, it's beautiful." I take the heart from the box and hold it carefully. He reaches over and opens the clasp, revealing the picture of us Charlie took the night of his premiere.

"All day, I've been showing you just how long and how much you've been on my mind." He grabs my hand and twines his fingers through mine. "The pier, where we had our first real conversation. You revealed stuff to me about your mom and it made me feel so good that we could have a personal connection like that. Some of it was about Robby Benson, sure, but it made me think that maybe we could have something between us."

His other hand lands on my knee. "The sushi restaurant. I swiped the chopstick wrapper because you couldn't stop playing with it. I'd hoped at the time you were as nervous as I was, because maybe you had feelings for me, too."

He smiles and looks down at his feet. "Our day at the beach. I couldn't put sand you stepped on in my pocket and I saw the hair tie. Kind of stalkerish I guess. I wore it on my wrist like a psycho."

"I don't mind. Creepy stalker dater, here, remember?" Inside, I'm giddy, knowing that the hair tie is the equivalent of a girl stealing her boyfriend's varsity shirt to wear to bed.

"This whole day I've been showing you the places where I was crazy about you, all summer long." He kisses me lightly before pressing his forehead to mine. "But this patio is special."

"It is?"

He looks up at me then, his eyes dark and serious, matching the expression on his face and the tightening of his hand holding mine. "More than _any_ of the other places."

I swallow, waiting for the rest.

"This patio is the _first_ place we ever met."

"It is," I agree.

"Which makes it the _first_ place you stole my heart."

His hands move to my neck, and his eyes bore into mine. "I love you, Swansong. More than you could ever possibly understand, and I intend to do so for a very long time."

"Wow," I say, unable to form any other words.

A first for me.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact #1:** My family always goes for Hibachi on Christmas Eve, and we always order the huge Sapporo beers. It's the only time of the year I drink one even though I like it a lot.

**PB Fun Fact #2:** My birthday is my favorite day of the year (kind of selfish, I know) and I always declare it Aimee's National Holiday. I'm sure everyone gets annoyed.

**Huge mucho love and thanks to the two girls I'd steal momentos from our time together and keep in a creepy box under my bed, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM!  
(And a second, much deserved thank you for pulling this chap off so quickly)**


	25. Chapter 25

**You guys know how much I love answering your reviews. I've answered every one of them for every story… until this one. It's been difficult around the holidays and personal stuff, so I'm really sorry I've failed a bit at doing so on some chaps. Please know that I read them and love them all.**

* * *

**Chapter 25**

"**The closer I get to you  
****The more you make me see  
****By giving me all you got  
****Your love has captured me  
****Over and over again  
****I tried to tell myself that we  
****Could never be more than friends  
****And all the while inside I knew it was real  
****The way you make me feel" **_– Roberta Flack, "The Closer I Get To You", spent two weeks as number one on the Hot Soul Singles chart in April 1978, and peaked at number two on the Billboard Hot 100. It was eventually certified gold in the United States on May 1978._

* * *

As we roll into Mac's parking lot, everyone is lined up on either side of the lane I'm driving through. I'm high-fiving kids through the window, and Edward is super-cool with his shades on and foot perched on the dash.

Van Halen shouts through the loudspeakers and even the employees have stopped waiting on people to watch us crawl by. I see one little girl with ice cream dripping down her arm staring at me agape as we cruise by, and in the background, I hear her say, "Mommy, can I be as cool as that one day?" To which the mother replies, "No, honey. No one will ever be as cool as they are."

I sigh, lost in daydreams and nerves as I approach Mac's and pull in. In reality, no one seems to look up from what they're doing and I'm a little annoyed my debut with Edward AND my car is going unnoticed and uncelebrated.

I park next to Ang's station wagon and at least she seems to be excited. She runs over and throws her arms around me. "Happy birthday, bitch!"

Laughing, I hug her back excitedly. "Thanks, I think."

"So, your dad really gave you his car? That's awesome!" She looks into the interior like she's never seen it before. "So much cooler than mine." That mollifies me. "What kind of birthday milkshake do you want? Chocolate?"

"Is there any other kind?" Angela orders Ben to go fetch us our drinks while Edward makes his way beside me.

This is the moment I've been excited for _and_ dreading, but when he rests his perfect butt on the hood and slings his arm over my shoulders so that I'm leaning against him, it's the best feeling in the world. I want to pump my fists in the air and run up a lot of stairs in victory like Rocky Balboa.

I covertly scan the group, smug to see a group of the bimbo girls tittering and whispering, and looking our way. I'm sure they're expressing their distaste that Edward Cullen is off the market. All their hopes and dreams since the moment they heard he and Rosalie were splitsville are now dashed.

I eat it up and want to yell 'kiss my grits' across the lot.

Some of his surf crew come by and say hello, comment politely about the car and wish me a happy birthday. None of them seem particularly shocked or bothered by our closeness, so I relax, knowing in the dramatic world of teenage relationship dynamics that we are accepted as a couple.

Ang and I lean on the car, drinking our milkshakes and bopping our heads to Foreigner. I fill her in quickly about Rosalie, knowing we'll have a more in-depth round table about it in my room tomorrow because the new issue of _Cosmopolitan_ just came in the mail. Someone passes a joint around but because I'm driving, I decline and Edward follows my lead. I'd love to smoke up with him sometime, but today is just too perfect to ruin with a head full of weed. He kisses me on the cheek and goes back to talking to some guy he knows from the surf shop.

"So, did Edward give you a present?" Ang winks while biting her straw and leaning into me.

"Oh my god, Edward is the sweetest boyfriend ever." I tell her about my day and all the gifts, ending my story by showing her my necklace, which immediately earns Ben an elbow to the stomach.

"I'm the what?" Edward pulls me towards him and takes a sip of my drink which even though sharing dairy products grosses me out, is nothing but wonderful 'cause it's him.

"Sweetest boyfriend ever, apparently," Ben says, rubbing his side. "Thanks."

"I can't help it if I'm great at gift-giving." He smirks at Ben and it makes me so happy to see my best friend's boyfriend and mine getting along. That's a huge thing.

"Best ever." I boldly wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle in, hoping those still-gawking girls are jealous beyond belief.

"It's not over yet," Edward whispers in my ear right before he gives me a kiss on the soft sensitive skin there, giving me goosebumps.

"No? What else do you have planned?" I ask excitedly, happy to extend my special day.

"It's a secret." His lips suck on my neck a second and my insides flip. A hickie from Kenickie might be a Hallmark card, but a hickie from Edward would be the entire freakin' rack.

"Get a room!" Someone yells from across the lot and a bunch of kids laugh. Edward, however, takes the opportunity to look at him with that lazy, sexy smile right before planting a knee-melting kiss right on my lips. I am of the same mind that we should, in fact, get a room, having never had anyone want to make out with me in public before.

He pulls back and puts his hands on my neck, stroking it softly. "Wanna get out of here?"

* * *

"Back to Zuma?" I ask when I drive my car onto the edge of the beach at Edward's direction.

"It's a nice night, let's enjoy the smog." He grins and I follow him out, watching as he pulls his blanket from the backseat of my car.

"Sneaky."

"Prepared." I step up on the fender and sit while Edward opens up two beers he also snuck into the back of my car at some point. He joins me and we toast, taking in the roar of the surf and the stars we can sort of see because we're parked far from any lights. There's a small bonfire billowing out in the distance, making Zuma quiet this evening.

"I think this might be the first time we've actually been alone," he says, taking a sip.

"We've been alone. The pier, lunch, surfing."

"Nope. They don't count. There were always people nearby." He puts his arm around me and squeezes. "I'm talking alone-alone. No one near."

"Besides at my house earlier, I guess that's true," I say, suddenly nervous but wholly excited, too. "What are we going to do with all this alone-ness?"

"Hmm. Parcheesi?"

"Not if you want me to remain your girlfriend."

"What, then?" He smirks while his hand lazily rubs my back. "It's still _your_ holiday."

"Well, maybe something like this?" I turn and straddle him, resting my arms on his shoulders. His throat swallows as his hand moves to my hips. Now it's my turn to smirk. Taking a sip of beer, I try to act casual, like I'm always perched on his lap.

"This could be fun." He wiggles his eyebrows and lifts his can to his mouth.

"_Could?_ I'm offended. Would you prefer my road head thing instead?"

He sputters his own sip of beer. "Ah, I'm good right here." He regains his composure quickly. "Let's save the road head for another day."

"Deal." I move closer, leaning in and looking at his mouth. He takes the hint and meets me halfway. His lips are soft and gentle at first, but quickly grow greedy when he pulls me close to his body. I throw my beer down onto the sand and he copies me, letting his newly free arm grab me solidly around the waist.

We've made out before, but somehow the fact that we don't have to go somewhere or there's not someone nearby makes it completely different. There's nothing to stop us or slow us down.

I begin to move on him, my thighs squeezing his as they try to climb him like a tree. He breaks away and I moan a little in dissatisfaction. "Let's move to the sand. More comfortable."

Nodding quickly, I scramble off him and he grabs the blanket and my hand after turning on my stereo. He leads me a little way away from the car, but close enough that we can still hear _Frampton Comes Alive! _through the open windows.

I resume my position on his lap, and we continue to make out, his hands exploring braver than they ever have. He caresses my back and his hands move to the inside of my waistband where he grips my ass, moving me against him the way he likes. I offer encouragement, moaning against his mouth. His hands slip under my shirt, and the sound he makes when he skims my braless breasts is enough to make me nuts.

He pulls away, and I can see the hunger in his eyes. It's a side of Edward I've only ever glimpsed at that day on his bed. I'm flushed with excitement and awe that I can bring this out in him.

My hand goes to his face and I trace his nose with my finger and touch the soft skin under his hungry eyes. I lay my palm against his cheek and kiss him with all the love I have inside me. I begin to push him back and he flips us so he's hovering over me.

The bonfire people are either done or out of view, so we're completely alone as we stretch out on the blanket. The ocean sings and so does my heart when Edward leans over me, his hand moving from under my shirt to play with a piece of my hair. "Nothing has to happen, I just want to enjoy lying here with you, no interruptions."

My throat moves, my voice coming out hoarse. "What if I _want_ something to happen?"

He looks at me for a long time, his fingers still moving through my hair and his eyes searching my face. The hunger is still there, and my stomach flips at the sight. His tongue peeks out to lick his lips. "Are you sure? There's no rush. We have all the time in the world."

And I totally trust his words.

I know deep in my heart that we both know we have the rest of our lives together.

"Edward, I love you. I want you. It'll only ever be you." I've never said anything with more conviction. He must believe me, because he's kissing me passionately not a second later. His mouth makes me high, his fingers set me on fire.

Gripping the hem of his shirt, he lets me take it off him and I sit up to let him do the same to me. Edward's glorious California-blessed, sun-kissed torso is finally against mine, pressed against me for the first time and every inch of my skin is exploding and sending electric currents through me.

We explore each other and I can't get enough of the feel of his skin as my hands play over his chest, back, and sides before moving to the waistband of his jeans. My fingers stretch underneath, looking for more skin to discover. I'm so eager to uncover all of him, I worry I will throw up when I finally touch his butt.

"I'm sorry?" Edward's eyes are narrowed and he's smiling down at me.

"Shit, did I say that out loud?"

"Um yeah. You're going to vomit because of me? Not a great ego-booster."

My hand flies to my face, blocking him from me. "Oh my god. You just don't know. You have no idea."

"Tell me." He pries my hand away and twines his fingers in mine. His smile tells me he's enjoying my embarrassment a little too much.

"Jinkies, Shaggy! I don't know! I mean, you're Edward Cullen. I've imagined this moment so many times but never really thought I'd ever be here, you know? It's just… a lot."

"I told you we don't have to do anything."

"NO! I mean, if you stop now I'll kill you, so no, thank you. And I'm on the pill, don't want that to go to waste."

He laughs. "So, it's okay with you if I do this, then?" His fingers release mine and unsnap the button on my jeans.

"Adoy."

"And this?" Those same, devilish, teasing fingers pull my zipper down and it's all I can do to not wiggle out of my pants without his help because my legs are so eager to be naked.

"You have my approval."

"That's all I need." With that, Edward pulls my pants off and quickly gets up on his knees. My throat is dry watching his striptease, his fingers releasing the buttons of his fly one by one, while he stares down at me laid out before him.

With his pants go his boxers and it's all I can do not to pass out.

Not that I ever imagined differently, but his cock is as beautiful as he is.

I wet my lips as I stare at it and enjoy the sensation of Edward's hands moving up my legs slowly, his fingers skimming the undersides as his thumbs circle the inside, getting closer and closer to the top of my thighs.

"These have got to go." He tugs my undies suggestively so I lift my hips and let him pull them off. Insecurely, I look up at him to see his reaction to me being completely naked under him. His eyes are heavy, scanning me from head to toe. "Bella, you are so fucking beautiful."

I feel like Sandy when Danny throws his letter jacket on the ground and pronounces he has chills. His stare climbs to my eyes as his palm softly lays against me. His hand has been there before, but this is so, so different.

It's so much _more_.

"I love you, Swansong."

I suck in a breath. "I am _so_ in love with you."

And with that, Edward Cullen enters me.

He's gentle at first, easing in and I'm hoping that it's because I'm so sexy he'll blow his load too quickly, but I'm sure it's because he's the sweetest guy there is.

When he's fully inside me, he moans and I put my legs around him. We stay like that for a moment until he kisses me and begins to move. Words could never describe the feeling of being with him like this. It's everything I thought and nothing I imagined.

We move together under the smog and stars, "Baby, I Love Your Way" wafting over the ocean air mixed with the crash of the waves, and I can't imagine a better moment than this.

His fingers move between us and he strokes me like he's done it a million times, hitting my spot just right. The way he's bucking his body against mine pushes his hand against me and it takes no time at all until I'm shuddering and gripping his biceps hard as he pushes me over the edge. Edward's body lifts from mine as he thrusts into me once, twice, three more times and if it's possible he's even more glorious and sexy when he's coming, eyes closed and mouth open, moaning and saying my name.

He collapses on top of me, both of us breathing heavily against each other. I can feel his heart pounding in his chest and the rhythm matches my own rabbit-paced thumping. He stretches against me, his arms enfolding and hugging me to his sweaty body like he's afraid to let me go. After a moment, he pulls up one side of the blanket and lays it over us, protecting and cocooning us in our own little world. His forehead rests against my chest and he lets out a shudder. "Wow," he says as his body continues to shiver.

I spread the blanket over his shoulders more and wrap my arms around him, kissing the top of his head.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his hands searching whatever parts of my body he can reach in our tight capsule.

"I've never been _more_ okay."

I feel him smile against me and we lay like that until Peter Frampton sings his last note.

The ocean has quieted for the night and the seagulls are nowhere to be heard, so there's nothing but the sound of our steady breathing, hands slipping against skin, and our slowing heartbeats.

As I stroke the damp hair on his forehead that threatens to cover his eyes, I think back to a few months ago. Never in a million years did I think I'd be lying here, fully in love and one hundred percent sure that I'm fully loved back by none other than Edward Cullen.

The summer of 1978 is going to be a hard one to beat.

* * *

**PB Fun Fact: **Or more like sad… I always wanted to be that girl, butt on the car with a guy's arm around her surrounded by teenagers. I was a late bloomer, and my first real boyfriend didn't come until after high school so I was out of my teenage years when all that happened. It had lost its thrill LOL.

**LAY and CARRIEZM Fun Fact:** Both these beautiful girls were born in the summer of '78, and I totally agreed with Lay when she said to me it makes her love the last line even more. I didn't know it when I was a wee kid that summer, but them being born was one of the best things to happen to me. I love them as much as Zuma Bella loves Zuma Edward.

**As always, thanks for the love and attention my two girls give me and my stories. I couldn't, I WOULDN'T, do it without them. **


	26. Chapter 26

**EPILOGUE**

"**And I see your true colors  
****Shining through  
****I see your true colors  
****And that's why I love you  
****So don't be afraid to let them show  
****Your true colors  
****True colors are beautiful."** _– Cyndi Lauper, "True Colors", spent two weeks in the number one spot on the Billboard Hot 100 in October, 1986_

* * *

"I'm here, sorry I'm late!" I yell as I walk through the door of my childhood home only to find the newly decorated living room empty. Where the swingin' 70's floor pillows once lay in the brown and gold room, there's a brand-new L-shaped couch with fancy recliners on either end sitting on a mauve carpet. "Hello?"

"In here, sweetie!" Renee calls out. I'm glad to hear her voice somewhat chipper considering what day it is, and make my way to the kitchen.

"Ready to get physical, Olivia?" Renee is dressed in her head-to-toe spandex workout gear complete with leg warmers even though she's never used the Jane Fonda video I gave her four years ago.

"I like the way it makes my body look. I feel so young!" She wraps her arms around me, and I hug her tightly. We stay like that a beat longer than usual, and Renee sighs. "I'm glad you're here. When's Edward coming?"

I look at the new Swatch he gave me for my birthday. "He landed a while ago, hopefully Carlisle and Esme already got him and they're on the way."

"What's he working on? Something new? Nothing will beat that movie about the puppet who phoned home." Charlie comes into the kitchen and also hugs me. We've become a very huggy family.

"A few quick reshoots for that World War II boy in a prison camp movie. Same director, much different vibe." I wave my hand towards him. "Dad, what happened to your face?"

Charlie rubs the newly-bald spot above his lip. "Time for a change. I think I look like Tom Cruise in _Top Gun_."

"Uh…." I trail off and leave it at that. "How about a cocktail? I could use one."

"Coming right up!" Charlie snaps his way to the bar, which is the only decor that hasn't really changed in the house since the makeover. I'm glad to see he's happy today too, even though I suspect it's a bit of a mask.

We're sitting on the couch making small talk, when Edward and his parents show up. I immediately fling myself into his arms and hoist myself up so my legs are wrapped around him. "I've missed you!" I plant a bunch of wet kisses on his face before finally making it to his fantastic mouth.

"Jesus Bella, can you, uh, be less affectionate in front of me?" Charlie clears his throat.

"Hey Dad, guess what? Edward and I live together, you know. I do this to him all the time when we're _naked_." Charlie just groans and moves to shake Carlisle's hand.

"You really shouldn't say things like that." Edward is holding me tightly, his eyes tired but bright and lips all sexy as they smile.

"It's the truth. I didn't wear white to the wedding, that should've been his first clue you and I do the deed." He groans much like Charlie did even though he's palming my ass before giving me a big kiss in return.

"I've missed you, too."

He lets me down and I hug my in-laws. Esme is especially touchy-feely today, much like Renee. "How are you, honey?"

"I'm good. Work is kicking my ass, but what else is new?"

Esme takes the wine cooler Charlie hands her. "I want to hear all about it," she says and means it. Most people don't like to hear about the depressing side of my career in social work, but Esme has a big heart and volunteers at one of the shelters I unfortunately have to frequent.

We sit on the couch with our drinks and I scooch as close to Edward as I can without sitting directly on him, listening as he tells us about the last few days of shooting in Shanghai. "You must be exhausted," Esme says and moves some of his hair off his forehead in a motherly gesture.

"I am, but I wouldn't miss today for anything." He looks at me with sadness in his eyes, but a smile on his face, which we're all trying to maintain. I rub his shoulder and whisper that I'll hold him close in bed tonight.

"Bella, I asked you to _stop_," Charlie complains and I grin, knowing I wasn't really whispering. Someone has to be the funny one tonight, so of course I take it upon myself.

"Well, who's hungry?" Renee gets up with a clap of her hands and Edward and I sigh.

"I hope you ate on the plane." I laugh.

"As much as I could." We stand and hold hands as we walk out onto the patio.

It's a beautiful early evening in the middle of spring. The shadows of dusk fall over the backyard, making the pool water that's rippling with an invisible breeze a deep indigo hue. Every time we come out here, I can't help but think about our wedding during his senior year. I had wanted to wait until we'd both graduated, but because of my awesomeness, Edward disagreed and proposed monthly until he finally wore me down. It was just close family and friends, but more perfect than I could imagine. I did make sure the grotto was roped off with "do not enter" yellow caution tape just in case.

Renee has all her fancy tiki lights lit and Charlie puts on some Sade. I'm not a fan, but say nothing 'cause I'm polite. There's a scattering of candles over on the glass end table next to the chaise, and I look at the arrangement before sitting in my usual spot, while Edward takes his next to me. Every time we sit like this, I can't help but think back to the days when he sat across, not looking at me, making me think he hated me.

I'm so glad I was utterly wrong.

"Okay! Here we are!" Renee ceremoniously puts a Pyrex dish in the middle of the table and my stomach protests. "Crunchy Turkey Almond Casserole! A new recipe in _Mademoiselle_!" I see Carlisle grab the bread basket and help himself to three pieces.

"The dish is very hot, watch out. Charlie got me a new microwave! You can cook a whole chicken in it!" We all let her serve us the sort-of gray but kind-of brown food with toasted almonds on top. At least that part looks edible.

We give it our best efforts, because despite the glass dish and the food being burning hot on the outside, its dead cold in the middle. I push mine around and give Carlisle the stink eye when he tries to pull the bread basket away from me before I can get any.

Even with the gunk eating out our insides as we sit there, the conversation is light and happy. Edward tells us a little more about the next project he's working on, and Charlie is thrilled to find out it's going to star his self-proclaimed mustache-less doppelgänger, along with the guy from _Tootsie, _which happens to be Renee's favorite movie. She loves the part when he takes off his wig on live TV.

I'm sad he's going to be away for a while when shooting starts all over the country, but thrilled that he's as busy as he is. I constantly tell him I'm picking out my Oscar gown, and he just laughs in his humble, shy way, even though I think he hopes he'll win one someday, too.

Everyone tries to eat for as long as possible until I make the first move and start clearing plates. While I'm washing the dishes and considering putting a fork in the microwave set on max power, Ang comes in. "Sorry I missed dinner." She smirks and takes her blazer off.

"No, you're not."

"Not one bit. I'm gonna grab a drink. You want one?" She kicks off her heels as she walks to the bar.

"I've got a fresh one outside. You alone tonight?"

"Yup. Bye-bye Larry."

"Is that the lawyer?"

"That _was_ the lawyer. Too clingy." Ang has had multiple boyfriends since she and Ben broke up when he decided to go to Northwestern, and she decided Chicago had no proper beaches. She's perfectly happy playing the field, she says, and it seems to be true. She even dated a woman for about a month 'cause she didn't want to miss out on anything.

While she mixes her drink, she tells me a little about a situation she's got with one of her patients without breaking confidentiality, and we talk shop for a bit. I often send some of my cases to her, especially the women who need more therapy and mental help than the state can give. She always grumbles and complains even though I know she secretly feels good about helping with the pro bono work.

"How's Renee?" She leans on the counter and takes a healthy swig of her rum and Coke.

"She seems okay. I mean, I'm sure she's not, but…"

"And you?"

"I could use a cigarette." I laugh.

"I quit."

"You're an asshole."

"Bella, you were never a true smoker. I'm trying that new nicotine patch that just came out." She holds up her sleeve.

"I wish you luck." She dries a few plates and we make our way outside. Renee squeezes her tight and even though Ang isn't the most affectionate person, she reciprocates the gesture just as hard.

Charlie and Carlisle go refresh drinks, Edward pulls up a chair for Ang on the other side of me, and Ang catches Esme and Renee up on her dating life 'cause they're nosy. As they're talking, Esme opens up the box of peanut blossom cookies she made and passes them around.

Rosalie's favorite.

Renee takes one from the box and holds it to her nose, inhaling the sweet scent with closed eyes. When she gets up, no one says anything as she places it in the middle of the candles, right in front of the eight by ten photo framed in silver. She touches the picture with two fingers before sitting heavily in her chair. Esme reaches over and grabs her hand.

Leaning back, Renee puts one sneaker-clad foot on the table leg and sighs. "I told myself I wasn't going to get sad today. I wasn't going to just drink the day away and stay in a fog." She holds up her glass and we laugh. "Didn't work out so well."

"You got this," Charlie says, and I look over at him smiling at his wife with so much love. Just a few years ago, it would've had to be Charlie we'd look to for guidance. Renee would've holed up in a martini haze, not lead us through a night we've never celebrated before. Rosalie's life made her older, but it's also made her stronger.

"I can't believe it's only one year since we lost her." She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. "Rosalie was my beautiful angel, my baby girl, and I'll miss her for the rest of my life. I might not have agreed with all the choices she made, but I'm so proud of her for having made them and for doing the best with them that she could."

"She did," Charlie says and we all murmur in agreement. Edward squeezes my hand on top of the table, and I see his other pat Charlie on the arm. It warms my heart when I see Charlie place his own over my husband's. On the other side of the table, Carlisle rubs Esme's shoulder as she leans against him.

Renee sighs. "I know people look at me differently now, I know they whisper and talk. 'There's that poor mother of a porn star. There's that sad woman whose daughter died of AIDS'." Renee wipes a tear. "But I'm not ashamed of my baby. I'm not ashamed of the person she became." She turns to look at the photo. "I love you, Rosalie, and I know you're up there in heaven, probably rolling your eyes at me."

We all chuckle at that and take a bite of our cookie. I don't know about anyone else, but my mouth feels a little drier tonight. Charlie clears his throat and rests his arms on the table, a small smile crossing his face as he looks at his cookie. "She was a good daughter. I don't know that I ever understood what she wanted, but it doesn't make me love her less. Your mother and I miss you every day, Rosalie." Charlie holds his cookie up and looks at the sky. "Here's to you, kid."

Esme is quietly crying across from me while she mentions making these cookies with Rosalie one day. Carlisle just sits and nods his head at his wife's memory.

"My turn, I guess." When I start to say a few words, Edward grips my hand tighter, and I lace my fingers with his. I feel Ang squeeze my knee under the table.

"If it weren't for Rosalie, I'd never have Edward. I thank her every day for being a dumb blonde and not realizing what she had." I get a few giggles. "She was an okay step-sister at the beginning, but turned into a pretty good one. I'm happy to call her _just_ my sister." I shrug my shoulders and smile. "It's not every day your sister takes you to Vegas for the AVN Awards. I never felt so overdressed."

The laughter increases with that, everyone remembering my tales of the event that made my jaw drop. "I'll never forget the press everywhere, fans lining up, companies wanting Rosalie Hale to promote them. Against my advice, I think she said no to the blow-up doll company."

Charlie puts his head on the table with a loud thud, which makes me grin.

"But in all seriousness, I'm proud of what she became and proud of the success she worked so hard for. I hope people don't just remember her for the movies. I hope they remember her for being a tough bitch in a profession where women are degraded. I look up to her, for taking power in her career and not letting the pitfalls of the industry suck her dry." I pause, thinking about so many of the girls I see at my job. "Like the girls the industry chews up and spits out, having nothing but the Emmett's of the world pushing them around."

"_I'm_ proud of her for kicking that sleazeball to the curb. I hope he rots in prison," Edward interjects. Everyone agrees loudly at that one, thinking of the jerk serving eight to ten for drug possession, intent to sell, and solicitation of a prostitute. Rosalie kicked him out when he punched her in the stomach and gave her a black eye because he remained a small time hustler and couldn't stand her rising fame. "I've never seen Charlie so angry as that night we went to hold him at the apartment until the cops came," he finishes. "What a badass."

Charlie smirks. "You know it."

I move my hand to the back of Edward's neck, loving the fact he never stopped caring for Rosalie. "Well, because of all that, Rosalie gave me my career in social work. She introduced me to the women that weren't as strong as she was and needed someone to care for them. I owe her so much for that." Edward grabs my hand from his neck and kisses it. He's the one that listens when I come home with horrible stories and want to quit. But we both know I'll never stop doing what I'm doing. I care too much even through the tough times.

I pull a bag out from under the table I stashed earlier and hold a photo album out. "Okay, enough melodrama. I have something for you both." Charlie takes the book and Renee gets up, leaning her arms on his shoulders to look. He flips open to the first page featuring a cover of Rosalie's first movie. He thumbs the rest of the pages quickly.

"Oh my god," Renee says, covering her mouth. "Is this every one?"

"All thirty-two of Rosalie's films pressed between the plastic. I bought them all and cut the covers off especially for you."

Charlie stares at me as Renee starts slowly flipping through the pages of dissected VHS boxes. "What is _wrong_ with you?" He shakes his head and looks at me, but as I'd hoped, he starts to grin.

"Too much to mention," Edward replies, rolling his eyes which earns him a swift elbow to the side.

"Oh, bag your face. They love it."

"I do!" Renee says and starts to tear up again, even though she's giggling. She sits in Charlie's lap to turn the pages.

"Hey, I want some credit for this, guys," Ang pipes up. "I added the penis stickers." We touch our cookies together as cheers for a job well done.

"Very creative!" Renee compliments her.

Esme raises her hand and waves it in the air. "I bedazzled the cover!" Renee beams at them both and my heart sings that the night isn't turning out to be as much of a sob-fest as it could've been.

"Well, I for one can't wait to have my ladies group over," Renee pipes up. "This is going to make a very interesting topic of conversation on the coffee table."

"I'll say," Carlisle adds as he leans over for a closer look, which earns him a red-hot glare from Charlie.

"If you point any of these out and tell me you saw it, I'll kill you," he growls.

Carlisle wisely says nothing, and holds his hands up in surrender. He starts his bad imitation of Rodney Dangerfield, pulling on his collar and saying he gets no respect.

Maybe it's the release of letting the heaviness go, maybe it's the horrible imitation, but soon we're all full-on laughing. We take turns poking fun at the stupid movie titles and some of the porn-star names.

I grab another cookie and look at my family, my gaze stopping on Edward. He has the decency not to be looking and it makes me fall in love with him all over again. I lean over, my mouth close to his ear. "You are _so_ getting road head tonight."

Charlie lets out a guttural moan. A sound of pure torture not even Freddy Krueger could rip out of someone. "Bella, for the last time, would you please, please, _please_ stop with the road head?!"

**The End**

* * *

For anyone that cares, Alice and Jasper have five children, own a small community theater in New Jersey where he writes and directs and she is his lead actress. Bella and Ang will find this out when Facebook is invented.

**PB Fun Fact #1:** Peanut blossoms are my husband's favorite. When we moved in together, I emailed his mother for the recipe and surprised him. I still make them for him every Christmas, it's been 15 years.

**PB Fun Fact #1a:** CarrieZM once sent me a box of a variation on these, Reese's peanut butter cup blossoms! OMG.

**PB Fun Fact #2** Valley Girl speak (the 'bag your face' comment) was a little before this, but lingered for way too long. BUT, out of that came one of my favorite movies of all time, _Valley Girl _starring a very young Nicolas Cage. I highly suggest you check it out. Me and my friend Claire used to watch it every day after school. No joke. And the soundtrack is kickin'.

**Annoying PB A/N:**

Well, that's it! I appreciate you strolling down memory lane with me! It was a blast for me reliving my youth and thinking about my siblings and what we were doing. There were a few times through this that I picked up my phone to text them something silly I had remembered and we had some good laughs at our own memories and lives. Not to mention Googling all the 70's references was a ton of fun!

But I really enjoyed reading all of YOUR memories this story brought back for you. Thanks for opening up your hearts and sharing.

Even though I am still somewhat mad at those two for making me live this one on the edge (never again) and give me ulcers, enormous thanks are due:

Thanks to LayAtHomeMom who not only is a great pre-reader and saved me by making my lovely banner, she was a fantastic sounding board for me on this one when I'd get stuck. I enjoyed our lunch hour talks while I was in my car, LOL. Not to mention I love the fact that we have that fascination with a certain side of life. Read that book, Lay!

As always, so much love and devotion goes to my beta and BB, CarrieZM. She was always there and dropped everything when I'd send her a chapter the night before I needed to post. I told CarrieZM I wished I'd shared with you guys the memories she and Lay commented with 'cause they made me smile and would've made you smile, too. So here's a hint: if you ever want to win CarrieZM over, mention Saturday Night Fever.

I hope I see you all soon, you never know.

**_\- This one's for Rose._**


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